Page 65 of The Vows We Keep
Once dressed, Niro takes my hand and kisses my knuckles. “I know you’re struggling, Cat. And I’ll give you space to wrestle with the way you feel for as long as you need. But you’re mine, whether you like it or not. You might leave here today, depending on what we find. You might even go back to that fucker, Felipe. Doesn’t matter where you are, who you sleep with, or how long it takes— you’ll realize your place is right here with me.”
And before I can respond, he grabs our bags and walks out of the room.
20
NIRO
“What’s got your face looking like that?” Bates says when I meet him in the corridor.
“Don’t ask.” The door to our room has clicked shut behind me.
“Where’s Cat?”
“Still in the room, thinking about whether I feature in her future plans or not.”
Bates slaps a hand on my shoulder. “You know you can’t just decide that for her, right?”
I shrug. “Why the hell not? We’re good with each other. Can you imagine having an old lady like her?”
“No. Definitely not. I don’t want one who has the skills to cut off my junk or poison my dinner.”
I stop walking. “She doesn’t get we’re compatible. We like the same things. To ride. To do whatever we want. To live outside the law. And I like that she doesn’t make a big fucking mess everywhere.”
Bates laughs. “You realize how unstable that all sounds? It’s like you’re picking out a new dishwasher. We like the same things. To have clean dishes. And to be environmentally friendly. And not leak and cause a big mess.”
“Fuck you.”
“Have you considered that all those things might be the reason she’s the worst possible woman for you? Sometimes you need the person to anchor you, not run off and encourage you.”
I rub my fingers along my jaw, scratching my scruff. “You don’t get it.”
“I’m trying, man. Have you told her how she makes you feel?”
“Fuck off.”
Bates’s face turns serious. “I mean it. Niro, you’ve always marched to the beat of your own drum. And I know you’re utterly sincere about why you and Cat should be together. They are good reasons. Language to describe feelings isn’t your strong point. Hell, feelings aren’t either. But you might want to dig deep and try. If she leaves, how will that make you feel?”
I think about his words and what I just said to Cat. “She’ll regret it.”
“That’s your ASPD talking.” He shakes his head. “I’m not asking how she’ll feel. I’m asking howyouwill feel. Would you miss her? Would you feel lonely? Would you wish you still got to wake up next to her every morning? And if you felt any of those things, why would you feel that way?”
“You asking me if I love her?”
“No, Colt.” He rarely uses my real name. It stops the roll my head is on. “I already see that you do in your own way. I’m just waiting for you to acknowledge it.”
I sigh and rub my sternum with my knuckles. Something aches there.
The door to our room opens, and Catalina steps into the hallway. She’s braided her hair, and she’s bundled up against the cold. I wonder if she’ll be warm enough, or if she wants coffee, or if she’s forgiven me for being a dick. I think I’m gonna tell her about my ASPD. I’ve hinted at it before, but I think it’s time to be real with her. It might push her away. But it might also help her understand me.
“Morning, sweetheart,” Bates says, and I glare at him. “Steady there, cowboy, I’m not hitting on your girl.”
“Morning,” Catalina says as she joins us. She’s smiling, but it doesn’t reach her eyes. I want to say something funny to cheer her up. Instead, I dig into my feelings as Bates suggested. I feel bad that I caused it.
“Sorry for putting pressure on you,” I say.
“Thank you for saying that,” she says. “I have a sneaking suspicion you might be right, but that kind of pressure doesn’t help me think things through clearly. Doesn’t make my choices any easier. But let’s get moving.”
It takes us another eight hours on the road to get to Joplin. We stop to grab lunch and eat hoagies while leaning against our bikes. And the whole time, my head spins. Bates’s words turn into thoughts about my sister. How I really felt about her dying. I think I buried that too. Perhaps there’s more than one thing I should talk about with Rae if King sets it up. And then I think about what those sessions will be like, and next thing I know, I’m wondering what happened to Mr. Owens who taught me math, and how many episodes ofLaw & Orderthere are, and how I should set up a social media account for the tattoo studio. One thought after another until I can barely keep up.
