Page 107 of The Vows We Keep
The words almost choke me.
Clutch shoulder checks me. “Keep the faith, brother. We don’t know for sure it’s something bad. Less than an hour from now, she might see us all headed toward her and wonder what the fuck we’re doing.”
Spark grabs me and pulls me in for a rough hug. “But in case it’s not, you helped me get my woman back, so I’m here to help you get yours.”
“Technically, you helped me kidnap my woman, so I have your back,” King says.
“And I don’t have a woman, thank fuck. But I’ve got your back anyway,” Vex says.
“We ride out in two minutes.” King palms the back of my head and brings his forehead to mine. “We’ll get your girl. But if you do anything other than what I instruct, you’re on your own. You understand me?”
I know what he’s telling me. To not drive off. To not try and do this on my own. “I understand.”
“Good, now let’s go.”
Assuming is the worst thing I can do, but after I push past the fears that Cat’s leaving me over something I didn’t do, I realize it’s more likely Los Reyes came for her. They had time to plan, pack up, and ride out. Why she went with them is unclear, but I’m relatively certain it wasn’t of her own volition, hence the panic alarm.
I think about the way we made love before I left. The idea of never doing that again with her stops my heart as sure as being hit with defibrillator paddles.
Bates arrives back in the room we shared. There’s a steaming cup of coffee in his hand, and he shoves it at me. “Don’t give me any of your shit. Just down this. I’m making keeping you on your bike my responsibility.”
I realize I never really apologized for the time I disregarded his feelings when I took Catalina to kill Henley. “I shouldn’t have pulled that shit I did,” I say before chugging the hot drink. It burns my tongue, but I ignore the pain. “I shouldn’t have gone on that job with Cat and left you behind.
“Yeah. You shouldn’t have. I appreciate you apologizing, but it makes no difference today. Someone’s got your old lady, so we go get her. Together, like it’s always been.”
I place the cup down and grab my bags. Bates is right about going together, and I let the heat from the coffee warm my chilled bones.
“I fucked our friendship over for an impulsive moment that had more to do with me than anyone else. I mean it when I say I’m sorry.”
Bates studies me for a moment. “She’s good for you. Gets you, right?”
“Yeah, she does.”
“So why is it so hard for you to understand that I get you too?”
I pause for a moment. That’s progress. It’s something Rae taught me. Taking a moment allows my instinct to respond with a glib, reckless answer to pass and gives me time to process what I’m really thinking and feeling. “Guess I always felt like less of a brother. The way I came into the club was different. My relationship with Camelot was different. I always felt like I got something I didn’t deserve. It was easier to listen to Catalina tell me I’m more than the sum of my pieces. And talking to Rae is helping too. Maybe it was easier to have women tell me that than to believe I was really part of the brotherhood I so admired.”
Bates’s eyebrows rise. “Fuck me. It’s like talking to a whole new person.”
“The urge to tell you to go fuck yourself is still high.” I’m embarrassed by the compliment. Overwhelmed, even. I’m still shit at putting words to the feelings swirling through me. “My immediate response to things is always going to be the same, but I can take charge a little more now. Same guy. Same thoughts. They don’t go away. Just pausing and going a couple of steps farther in my head before I engage my mouth.”
When we reach our bikes, Bates slaps my back twice.
As I fasten my panniers, I attempt to lower my heart rate, to center myself on the one thing I have to do today: to gain ground on Catalina and whoever she is travelling with.
King is next to me, his bike packed. “You doing okay, Niro?” he asks.
“No, I’m fucking not.” I feel like an ass for snapping at him. “Sorry.” So much for pausing.
“I understand. Have your brothers ever let you down?”
I look around the lot. Halo is layered up and checking everyone’s bikes. As road captain, he has final say on who can go and who can’t. Switch is on his bike, ready to go. Spark is handing out some additional small weapons. But they are all here for me.
“No.” Then I voice the thing I’ve been unable to say to anyone else. “What if they hurt her? I’ve seen what men are capable of. I’m one of them. What if Perrito has taken her in some kind of scheme? Or what if Felipe wants to win her back. Or shit, what will he say when he sees the freshly inkedProperty of Niropatch on her back? He’ll cut it off her, or his club will.”
“If they hurt her, we bring her home and we help her heal. It’s okay to ask for help, to rely on us, your brothers. We’ll catch you, Niro. Every time. Always have. Rae has this way of talking about shit. Thought it was bullshit when she first talked to me this way, but it makes sense. If she was here, she’d probably say something along the lines of it being okay to feel everything you’re feeling. The panic and worry for Catalina are valid. But wallowing in those feelings won’t help you. Now is the time to lean into who you are to get her back. Use that hyperfocus of yours to stay regulated and on track in finding her. This is the day to be who you are.”
I suck in a breath before pulling my neck warmer over my face. “Thanks, King.”
