Page 64 of The Bonds We Break
I’m going to masturbate in front of King. I know mutual masturbation is an utterly healthy thing to do. And I know I should address the hundred and one reasons why I would rather be anywhere other than here right now.
Instead, I’m staring through the bedroom window, half-heartedly contemplating escaping, and wondering how badly having a tattoo cut from your skin would actually hurt.
King walks into the bedroom and starts taking off his clothes. He pulls his T-shirt over his head, and I take in the breathtaking beauty of his form. Strong shoulders, muscular arms, and detailed ink that occupies every inch of skin.
He totally ignores me as he kicks off his boots and pulls his belt out of the loops on his jeans. His black hair flops forward as he bends to remove his socks. “You just gonna watch me, or are you gonna join in, duchess?”
When he stands, he puts his hands on his hips.
I omitted one thing off the list I wrote for him. Dubious consent is a thing I’ve always grappled with. Feeling like I have no choice turns me on as much as it scares me. Consent is key. I believe that with my whole heart. Everyone has a right to it. But I’ve also struggled with the shame I feel that dubious consent is giving up power that women before me have worked so hard to enshrine. Logically, I know that’s not true. I know that kink is a normal part of so many feminists’ lives. But despite logic, feelings of shame remain.
Even as I feel aroused.
I break the emotions apart rather than letting them swallow me. What I’m about to do is healthy, even though the situation I’m in isn’t. I don’t need to feel shame. I’m choosing to lean into exploring this rather than feeling like I’m a victim of it.
And that makes it empowering.
I pull off my clothes until I’m naked and climb on the bed as he asked. Within seconds, I hear the beep of a timer, and King pulls his phone out of his back pocket. “Just in time, duchess.”
“You put a timer on?”
“I felt like you needed boundaries.” He winks and tugs down his jeans and boxer briefs at the same time.
“That is not what boundaries are. They are limits and rules we setfor ourselvesthat guide our own behavior. You setting a timer for me to get on the bed is not a personal boundary.”
It feels easier to sit here waiting when I take in how erect he already is. There is a chair in the corner, and he moves it to the foot of the bed before taking a seat. He palms his cock. A slow and steady back-and-forth.
“You gonna make me sit here and do this by myself?” he asks, his voice gruff. “Or are you gonna open those knees and let me see your pussy?”
With him watching and already touching himself, it’s easier to slide my feet along the bedding until my legs are wide and my knees are bent.
“Show me what you do, Rae. Show me how you touch yourself and make yourself come. I need to see it.”
Emboldened by his words, I slide a finger over my clit and press it very gently between my lips. There’s a scant amount of wetness, but it’s quickly stroked away. I try not to worry about whether King notices the lack. Slowly, I place my finger into my mouth and leave saliva on it before placing my finger back on my clit. Closing my eyes, I circle it as I try to find the place where I relax.
“Keep your eyes on me,” King encourages.
It’s hard, but I force myself to look at him. He has no shame, sitting on his throne, his lips slightly open as he strokes himself. His eyes are focused on mine. Not my clit. Not my fingers. But my eyes.
I reach for my vibrator, my favorite one. A small cream cylinder that has two settings. I turn on the slower speed first and run it along the seam from my clit almost to my ass. It warms me up, and I try to focus on the sensation, not my situation.
There’s a pattern I use, leaning it against my clit for a moment, then pulling it away. Doing it again, leaving it for a second longer. I never insert it into myself. I’d need lube, which is messy, and I’ve found this way simply works better.
I gasp as it starts to feel good.
“You know how much of a turn-on it is watching you play with yourself? Such a good fucking girl doing what I asked.” King swipes cum that is leaking from his tip and puts his finger in his mouth, his eyes on me as he sucks it off.
Jesus. I had no idea that could be so hot.
And he called me a good girl.
While I addedpraiseto my sheet, I think King already knew it’s a mental accelerator of mine.
I’ve gotten so little in my life.
I turn the vibration to its second setting, but I watch King’s hand. The way he rubs over the head, the way he strains into his own palm. The way he’s full-body enjoying what we’re doing while I try not to overthink it.
I wonder what the time is. He said I had half an hour.
