Page 104 of The Bonds We Break
I glance at my watch. It’s nearly three a.m. This party will continue until the last man standing gives it up.
We say our goodbyes and get one of the sober prospects to drive us home.
I put the key in the lock as Rae yawns. “Don’t be getting any sexy ideas unless you’re into somnophilia.”
“What-ophilia?”
“Sex with a sleeping person,” Rae says. “Because I’m about to fall over, I’m so tired.”
I close the door and lead her up to our bedroom. I like the feeling it’s ours. Or it will be once we sell her house, and move her stuff here. When we get to the bedroom, I take her to the bathroom and bump her up onto the counter.
I place my hand on her cheek and kiss her softly. “Let’s get your makeup off. What do I use?”
Rae moves to drop off the counter. “I can do it.”
Her thighs clench as I grip them to hold her in place. “Let me take care of you, Rae.”
She studies me for a moment. “Did you know independent women are sometimes the hardest for men to love?”
Her eyes are perhaps the hottest thing about her. Bluer than an icy sea. But so fucking deep you feel like you could drown in them. “Why’s that?”
Rae shrugs and reaches for some cotton pads and a bottle of something watery. “Because the women don’t need the men, and sometimes that’s what men are looking for. A woman who needs a man to protect her, to take care of her.”
I take the supplies from her and start to wipe the eyeliner from her eyes. My thick fingers make it tricky. “You think being independent makes it hard to love you?” I ask gruffly.
She waits until I’m done, then opens her eyes. “Doesn’t it?”
I shake my head. “Your strength is one of the sexiest goddamn things about you, duchess. I was done the day I walked into your home, when you didn’t even flinch at my presence. I know you don’t need me to look after you. But I love that you let me anyway.” I tip her chin so her face is raised to mine. “I’d die for you, Rae. Loving you is the easiest thing I’ve ever done. Because you’re perfect for me.” I kiss her before she can answer, then step back. “You got any other worries buried in there?” I tap the side of her temple.
She shakes her head. “Nope.”
“Good.”
Once we’re finished, we move to the bed. I take her at her word. I know when Rae can be pushed and when I need to listen. She tells me she’s tired, I believe her. Instead of initiating sex, I hold her until she falls asleep.
Her words replay in my head. She thinks she’s hard to love. I think I’m the fucking luckiest guy on the planet that I found a girl—no, a woman who’ll fight for herself. Fight for me. Fight for us.
Unable to sleep, I carefully leave Rae and move to the chair at the bottom of the bed, still in place from our earlier sessions. I sat in this spot and watched as Rae tried the new vibrating egg I’d bought her. She had no idea how fucking hot she looked, the egg inside her, her cheeks all pink from the embarrassment she often feels when we try new things.
And then I reached for my phone and changed the settings.
Her eyes got wide as the vibration increased.
I used to think good sex was two people orgasming in approximately the same span of time.
Rae has blown that definition out of the water.
Do I like to come? Of fucking course. One of the greatest feelings in the world is coming in Rae or on her.
But the feeling of her skin on mine, the knowledge that I hold her trust in the palm of my hand, the way she whispers my name when an orgasm catches her off guard like it’s a little fucking miracle ... that’s even better.
Yeah.
All those things trump the transactional nature of sex where it’s just “your turn and then my turn.” So what if my woman takes a little more effort, a little more thought on my part to give her pleasure? There’s no downside to having to spend longer in bed, being a little more creative, a little more dominant.
Turns out I’m more of a giver than I ever gave myself credit for. Even flicked through a couple of those books on her bookshelf. I’m readingCome as You Are, the book she got the concept of brakes and accelerators from, is eye opening. The author of that book is a genius. And, honestly, I know some men who’d also probably benefit from reading it.
Now I sit and watch her sleep, though I can’t even see her, really. She’s just a lump of cotton bedding and pillows. But knowing she’s there gives me peace.
