Page 49 of The Bonds We Break
This is the meeting where Saint gets to tell us whether he wants to pay the cash to rejoin the club.
I can’t wait to see him with his hopes up.
“Sit here and don’t move until I come for you,” I say when we get inside the clubhouse. “Your brother is here.”
She glances into the bar. “I figured as much when you parked up,” Rae says, excitement in her eyes. “I was going to ask you if it was okay to see him and Rose since they got home yesterday.”
I shake my head. “This isn’t a social visit. We’ve got business. And I’ll kill him in a heartbeat if you run.”
“Surely I’ve shown you I won’t. I could have done it lots of times if I didn’t care about my brother.” Rae unzips her jacket and removes it before putting it on the chair by the doorway.
I want to reassure her she’s going to be fine, but I know she isn’t.
“‘Sweet mercy is nobility’s true badge.’ That’s fromTitus Andronicus,” she says.
I roll my eyes for the hundredth time. “Shakespeare again?”
“Yup. Shakespeare again. Roman general kills the son of a queen, who he hands over to a Roman emperor. Emperor marries queen, queen vows revenge for killing son. There’s retaliations and cycles of violence. I don’t know what your endgame is today.” She takes both my hands and I let her, even as my stomach curdles. “But in a bid to break the cycle, I’ve forgiven you for everything you’ve done. I know your intent was to kidnap and violate me to prove a point to Ryker, but I’ve consented. You have big shoulders, King. But you don’t have to carry all this alone. Choose to break these cycles of violence today, because they never end well. Be merciful and noble like your road name.”
She releases my hand and places her fingertips to my patch.
King.
For a single heartbeat, I want to do as she says.
But then I hear Saint’s laughter, and I can’t reconcile the two pieces of me.
Instead, I walk into church.
I remember the time Dad found me and Clutch hanging out under the table in here. We must have been six or seven. Thought he was going to chew us both a new one. Instead, he closed the door and told us to take the seats of our respective dads. “Uther,” he’d said. “You’re going to sit in that chair one day, and the world will be fucking yours. Don’t sit beneath the table like you don’t deserve to be here. Wait until you’re old enough to claim a chair and sit in here proudly. Then, when my time is done, take that seat right there and know you do so with my blessing.” Then he turned to Clutch. “And you, Landon, it’s your job to be by his side. They say a woman becomes your ride or die, but the truth is, it’s your brother. Your best fucking friend.”
I look at Clutch now, hating this divide between us. I hate that Saint reduced us to this.
I look at Track, who’s glaring at Saint.
Saint’s eyes are on me. His beard is shorter than I’m used to. So’s his hair. I suppose that happens when you try to evade being captured as a traitor.
Niro and Bates are leaning back in their chairs, more relaxed than ever, given they know what I’ve done and probably have an inkling of what I’m about to do.
I take my seat and look every single member at the table in the eye before I start speaking. “We’re here for one reason and one reason alone. To ask Saint to provide the money he owes the club. We’ll need proof he’s left the ATF, a list of all the evidence he provided. We said if he did that, he could rejoin the club.”
Clutch, my vice president and former best friend, sits with a pile of papers in front of him. “I got all the proof. It’s all legit, and the cash is in the envelope. Feel free to count it if you don’t trust my judgement.”
I hate that he even has to offer. I hate that he feels that way. This is not how it’s supposed to be between us. As president and vice president, as men, and as brothers.
“I trust you,” I say, feeling an easing in my gut as I tell him that. I’ve always trusted him. What happened in the shed the day we punished Saint was the first time he made a call I wouldn’t have. The disappointment is fading a little.
“You got anything you want to say to the club?” I ask Saint.
Saint stands. “Since I got home, I’ve spoken one-on-one with every member in an attempt to explain my reasons. I’ve been honest about my past and present, and shared that I hope being in this club is going to be part of my future. The ATF is still an unknown, in that I don’t know what action they plan to take against the club or me. But my sister, Rae, has this saying.”
At the mention of her name, I tense.
“She loves literature and has this Shakespeare quote.Hamlet, I think,” he continues.
Fucking Hamlet. Danish kings. Dead ghosts. Shit, ghosts are always dead. I remember Rae telling me about the plot in the cabin. How they all end up dead because of vengeance. I expect Saint to say something morbid about death or some shit.
“‘We know what we are, but know not what we may be,’” Saint says, surprising me. “My whole life has been searching for this. Trying to find a place to belong, a place outside the rules, where my moral judgement is my only compass. I know what I’ve been, but now I know what I want to be. I want to remain an Iron Outlaw.”
