Page 14 of Broken Queen
Her chin drooped. You don’t know what I’m talking about, then.
I pouted my lips. She was keeping secrets from me, and I hated that. It meant she didn’t think I was mature or special enough to know.
Well, then, tell me. Please, I snapped with extra emphasis on the ‘please.’
You know how lucky you are? she asked.
I wondered if she meant that I was lucky that I wasn’t her. My father tried to keep the sadism to the Masquerades, but he didn’t always keep that promise. Usually, my mother covered up her bruises with thick makeup, but that day, she wasn’t hiding any of it. It almost seemed rude, like she was breaking some sort of rule that we hadn’t said, but we all knew was there.
Maybe I felt special because she was trusting me with that secret. But it made me nervous too. Like we both knew it was going to happen to me next.
Does it hurt? I asked.
She shook her head, forcing a smile. I smiled back, even though I knew she was lying. Maybe I was grateful for those lies. At ten years old, I didn’t know how to talk to a grownup about their feelings. I didn’t even know how to explain my own emotions. Not really.
You need to be good when I’m gone, she said. You have to prove to your father that you’re worthy of the Marked Blooms Syndicate, even if you’re a girl. Behave. Show him how smart you are. How much you can accomplish.
My mind clung to those words, ‘when I’m gone.’
You’re leaving? I asked. Where?
I know you like to have fun and see what happens, she squeezed my hand, you little puppet master. But you need to play by the rules, Zira. If you get on the board, you can have all of your father’s power. You can change the lives of so many women that come after you.
I scratched my scalp, then sat down next to her. I rubbed her arm, trying to soothe her like she soothed me, but she flinched, pain shooting down to her legs. I pulled back, almost afraid of her.
What are you talking about? I asked.
If he elects you to be on the board, you’ll be able to change things. Control the future. So that women like us aren’t just objects. So that they actually give us some control.
I played with the hem of my dress. They see us like objects? I asked.
She lurched forward, grabbing my hands. Her bruised face reminded me of a monster hiding in the dark.
You have to be brave, Zira, she said. Because once I’m gone, he’s going to turn to you. I can’t get rid of him. I’ve tried. Please believe me, sweetie; I’ve tried. So you have to survive. You have to pretend like you like it. No, she gasped, Pretend like you love it. Like it’s exactly what you want to do. Pretend like you’re devoted to the Syndicate more than your father. More than anyone else in the world. Her hands shivered as she spoke the words, as if she knew how much trauma I would have to survive. They’ll like you too much. That’s how you avoid getting killed.
Then what? I asked.
Then you can get rid of him, sweet girl, she said. I believe in you.
Get rid of him? I asked, pulling back.
Once you’re on the board, you can do anything you want, she whispered. I know you’ll do the right thing. Tip the scales, sweetie. Don’t let them continue like this forever.
My mother died a week later, and that conversation stuck in my head like a nail constantly screwing tighter and tighter into my brain.
I had to do something before I ended up like her too.
A fork tapped on the side of a glass and a hush fell over the room, interrupting my thoughts. The silverware clinked as everyone placed their utensils on the edges of their plates. My father stood at the head of the table. Despite having a personal trainer and a dietician at his command, he was a round man, but he was strong to his core. My father cleared his throat.
“As you know, I’ve been interviewing many of you to figure out the best fit for the board. It’s been quite a few months since we had a full board, and I’m so pleased to say that many of you are qualified.”
The guests fidgeted. I sat up straighter in my seat.
“Some of you have expressed disinterest in a seat on the board. I understand that. It’s an important duty, one that requires you to be accessible to the headquarters at all times. We’ve had some—” he paused, licking his lips, “—unfortunate circumstances in the last few years. It shows how dangerous the position can be. You need to be ready for anything, my friends.”
My head buzzed with tension. Get to the names already, I thought.
“Ernest Dumas.” My father locked eyes with the man near the end of the table. “Please join me.”
