Page 9 of Stay With Me
“Put me down, Everett.” Her voice suddenly sounds cold and distant, and I already hate it.
“Kels, wait,” I plead, but she cuts me off as she slides down my body and pulls out of my grasp.
“No. I’m done waiting. I’ve waited and watched you fuck almost every girl in South Carolina. We’ve both known for years that there was more than just friendship between us, but we’ve ignored it. I won’t ignore it anymore. Are you in this or not?” She asks, dropping an ultimatum at my feet. I’ve never been good with snap decisions like this. It’s not that I don’t want her, because god knows I do. But I know I’ll never be the man she needs. My hesitation speaks volumes and I see the exact moment when her walls go up and she shuts me out. She nods solemnly as she pulls her jeans back up her legs, wincing slightly when the material chafes her freshly inked hip.
“Kels, wait. Please, let’s just talk about this,” I plead with her, but I know I’ve already missed my chance. I can see in her eyes that the walls she puts up for everyone else are firmly in place. She’s closed herself off from me.
“Nope, I’m good. I don’t deserve to be jerked around byanyman, Everett. I know my worth, and it’s more than you’re able to offer, apparently.” Her words cut straight through me like a knife to the fucking heart, but she’s not wrong. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to offer her what she wants in a man, and I won’t hold her back,no matter how badly I want to. I just stand there, silently watching her tear through the room like the tornado she is. She gathers her stuff and stomps towards the door. “I won’t wait for you forever, Everett. I’ve waited long enough to find someone who deserves me. Honestly, I think that person is you. I’ve known since the day we met that there was something here, something more than just the physical attraction we both feel. But I can’t force you into this. I won’t be one of many. No judgement if that’s how you want to live your life, but it’s not for me. So, you figure your shit out and let me know.”
She turns on her heel and marches out the front door, taking my heart with her. But I don’t stop her. I can’t stop her. Instead, I just stand there and watch her walk away.
nine
It’s been almosta week since I threw the ball into Everett’s court and walked away. Since that night, we’ve avoided each other like the damn plague. I leave for work before he wakes up and I try to stay out until I know he’s gone into the shop. I just can’t look into his eyes and see rejection there, or worse, longing. Longing for something we both know could be so amazing, but he’s too scared to acknowledge. I know the idea of only one woman warming his bed is so completely foreign to him. I’m not blind to the way he’s always been. Honestly, I don’t really care. Everyone has a past. When you choose to be all in with someone, really be all in, you have to choose not to hold their past against them as well. Sometimes that’s hard, but I can’t fault him for things that happened before me. If the man wants to be a whore, he has every right to.
What does surprise me is the fact that I haven’t come home to any random cars in the driveway or seen any girls doing the walk of shame at 3 am, trying to sneak out the front door in the past week. That really is a shocker. In the nearly 6 months I’ve lived with Ev and Rory, he’s had no less than four different girls on a rotation. I’m sure they all know they’re not the only one, and they seem fine with that. But that’s not me, it never will be. I’m not asking for an elaborate proposal on the first date, but monogamy is a must for me. If I’m going to give myself to a man, I expect to get all of him in return. Honestly, I don’t know if Everett is capable of offering something like that. But deep down in the crevices of my heart, I hope he’s willing to try.
After a week straight of working at Revamp, I finally have the day off. I’m taking advantage of my freedom by spoiling my bestie and my niece and nephew that will soon make their arrival. As Ember and I make our way through a baby store in Charleston, I see her eyes light up even though she’s huffing and puffing her way down the aisles. I don’t think I’ve really heard her complain at all over the past 8 months. She looks like those babies are going to come bursting out of her at any moment like an ‘Alien’ reenactment, but she’s been such a queen about it.
“Do you think you guys are ready for the big show?” I ask as I browse through the racks of tiny baby clothes.
“Yeah, I think so. I’m not superexcited about the whole delivery part, but I’m ready to have them here. I’m ready to be able to breathe and sleep in a normal position,” she laughs softly. I can’t imagine having my lungs compressed into my throat for nine months.
“And climb your gorgeous tree of a husband without your gigantic children in the way?” I give her a saucy wink and she rolls her eyes at me, but the blush creeping up her neck tells me all I need to know.
“We do just fine, thank you very much,” she says, avoiding eye contact and smiling to herself.
“Oooo, do tell! I wanna hear all about the aerobic sex you’re having,” I prod her for all the sordid details, but I know she won’t give them up.
“Not gonna happen, and you know it.” She shuts me down. I give her my best pouty face and she laughs me off.
“I’ve gotta live vicariously through you, babe. Your girl hasn’t seen any action in a loooong time.” Mindlessly, I flick through the hangers of outfits, not really paying them any attention.
“You know you don’t need to live through me. Kelsea, you are hot as hell, and an amazing person, too. You could have any guy you wanted,” she tells me, and I try not to let my face give away any emotion.
“Yeah, but all the guys I want never want me,” I mumble.
She stops her browsing and looks up at me with her eyebrows raised. “What the hell does that mean? Whodoesn’t want you?” I avoid eye contact at all costs, knowing she’ll be able to read my face in a matter of seconds if I look up. “Kelsea Scarlet Sawyer, look me in the eye right now!” I slowly drag my eyes up to meet hers and she stares back straight through me. She’s always been able to see right through my bullshit, a great and also inconvenient talent of hers. As soon as we lock eyes, I know she knows I’m hiding something.
“Please, for the love of all things holy, tell me you haven’t been talking to that assface ex of yours, Jake, again!” She shrieks, and I put my hands up to shush her, looking around at the people now staring at us.
“No! God, no. When I said I was done with that asshole, I meant it. I haven’t spoken to him since I left Duke.” My ex was a total douche who cheated constantly, and I finally gave up on him before I moved to Grovewood.
“Then why do you look so guilty? You’re obviously keeping something secret. You’re the worst liar I’ve ever met,” she tells me, and my eyes dart around us as if Everett is going to jump out and tell me to stop talking at any moment.
“It’s not him, Em. Really, it doesn’t matter.” I do my best to disarm her, but there’s no use. She stands rooted in place in the middle of the aisle with her arms crossed over her chest. She’s giving me the ultimate ‘mom look’ right now and I have to admit, it’s pretty intimidating.
“No way, Kels. We don’t do that. Wedon’t lie to each other or keep secrets. Whatever it is, you know you can tell me anything.” Placing a reassuring touch on my shoulder, she calms the storm swirling inside my chest slightly as I consider spilling my guts.
“I’ll tell you, but you’re not gonna want to hear this,” I shrug, making my way over to a bench beside the walkway. Ember slowly shuffles down onto the seat, relief instantly apparent all over her face.
“I’ve told you a million times, Kels. If it matters to you, then it matters to me. So come on, give it up.” Ember has always had a calming effect on people. I feel like I could pour my heart out and she would sit here and listen to it all.
Fumbling with my fingers in my lap, I take a deep breath and brace for her reaction. “I kissed Everett,” I mumble softly.
“WHAT?! My Everett? As in mybrotherEverett?!” she screeches and my shoulders draw up in defense of my poor ear drums. She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath, processing what I just told her. “Okay…” she pauses. “I’m processing… still processing…and I’ve decided I’m okay with this. You’re both adults. And I obviously have no room to talk,” she scoffs, pointing at her belly. I smile at her softly, knowing her experience with her brother’s best friend obviously turned out well. “So, what happened? Why aren’t we happy about this?” She asks, and my face falls.
“He is who he is, Em. And I am who I am. Don’t getme wrong, it was magical. I mean total fucking fireworks and heat and everything else you want to feel when a connection is really real. But then he pulled back, and it stung. He told me I wasn’t some ‘casual fuck’ and, of course, I went into full bitch mode on him.” I drop my head into my hands, exhausted just thinking about Everett.
