Page 41 of Milk
A clean break. Like nothing ever happened.
I thumbed through the journal until I found another entry a year and a half later.
October 9th
It’s finally done. I’ve found a viable way to bottle the bitch’s milk for another month, then we’ll move the son to formula. This cow was just another failure.
I don’t tolerate failures. I don’t tolerate betrayal. She finally got her wish. I choked her myself, asked her why she was fighting when she thought being dead was better. Even with her clawing my hands, but it didn’t take long.
As far as the staff knows, she was sick, not producing, was another mouth to feed that gave nothing in return. Anyone who was close to her has all but forgotten her.
That made it easy to bury her behind the west paddock.
Didn’t even tell my business associate what happened. He didn’t know about our little science project. I told him that some whore dropped one of my bastards at my door. That will explain the child without drawing too much scrutiny. I’ll keep the kid close. He’s special. Maybe some good can come from this after all. The girl’s someone else’s problem now. Easier that way. Cleaner.
The rage in me flared, hot and acidic. I slammed the journal shut.
“Fuck you,” I muttered, to the page, to his ghost. “You never loved anyone. Not her. Not me. You’re worse than evil. You’re radioactive. You destroy everything, corrupt it. Me included. Even dead, you just … radiate your malice.”
My hands shook. I felt the tears coming. I didn’t try to stop them.
“I should never have come back,” I whispered, between sobs, leaning forward, elbows on the desk. “I should have died in India. I should have stayed with Pria. Sold everything and disappeared.”
‘Should, shouldn’t,’ they were useless words. I didn’t do any of that. I’d come back and killed the monster, only to find that killing him did nothing but make me a monster too. There was no escaping my father’s shadow. Not even when he was six feet under.
I rubbed my face, wiped away the tears with the heel of my palm, and looked back at the screen. Tiff was still asleep.
What was I doing with her? Pretending I could have her? Pretending she could ever love me? Pretending anyone ever could? Even if someonecouldlove me, I didn’t deserve it.
Tiff stirred slightly. She was soft and stubborn, beautiful and fucked up, but she wasn’tthis. She wasn’t meant for cages or collars. She belonged in the sunlight, not under a man like me. Yet, I couldn’t let her go. I just couldn’t.
Even knowing what I knew, what I came from, what I was, I could not bring myself to release her. My chest ached. She deserved better, but I wasn’t going to give her better. I was going to keep her like the monster I was. Selfish, greedy,destructive…
Just like my father.
Iwoke up much more rested and much less sore than I expected. I blinked slowly in the morning light pouring into the room.
I turned around to find that Carter was nowhere near me, but sitting on his desk, not more than a couple of steps from the bed. He was talking on his phone and didn’t seem totally focused on the conversation…
“Carter?” I called.
He didn’t react. He was just nodding and humming ‘mmhmm’ with an intense expression. His blue eyes stared into the distance and I could see the gears in his brain turning. His face was serious, but there was something curling at the edge of his lips.
Before I could call him again, he spoke, “Everything’s on schedule. Don’t worry, this will be done by the end of the year … All of it, yes.”
What would be done by the end of the year? It seemed important, like something he was very glad to be rid of. I adjusted slightly on the bed and it creaked under my weight. Carter turned. His eyes went just a little wider at seeing me awake, immediately he ended the call.
“Tiff, You’re up.”
“Well … I wouldn’t say ‘up,’” I did my best to make light of the situation.
I tried to push myself to sit up on the bed, but with the straitjacket, that was a big ask. Carter rushed towards me and worked on undoing it. How kind of him to free me without making me ask. Though he was the one who put it on me. I wasn’t sure why that bothered me so much. After everything I’d gone through at his facility (that I’d mostly half-forgiven him for), this seemed pretty mild. Still, it annoyed me.
“I need to use the bathroom,” I said as he worked the straps around me.
“I’ll get this off you and you can go,” he said as the bell around my neck jingled as he worked on freeing me. “Then I have something special I want you to see.”
“Another surprise?”
