Page 29 of Milk
“You can’t. But if that was my plan, I would tranq you and have the guards carry you.”
“So, I have a choice?”
“Yes, if you’d rather not see the surprise, I’ll escort you back to the contraption.”
I hesitated. Susan seemed serious. I wanted to see what the surprise was. After what Carter had done for me last night, I sortof hoped that it would be another reward, perhaps this was a test.
Susan escorted me to an underground floor, then towards one of the stalls with the familiar restraints. This one, however, had a strange series of glowing red-hot irons in a corner. I frowned as she gestured for me to lay down in the familiar set up. I obeyed. Just after the latches were in place, Susan signaled for a farmhand. He walked towards me carrying a branding iron. Horror dawned on my face as I understood what was about to happen. He placed the tip of the pole in the hole of one of the metal loops that were glowing red-hot.
“Are you …” I trailed off.
“Branding you,” Susan said with a smirk.
“T-that’s my surprise?”
“Don’t you want to be branded? I told you, I won’t do it without your consent,” Susan said.
“Then why am I tied up?”
“So you won’t squirm and hurt yourself. If you want, I’ll escort you back up. You don’t have to do this.”
That was a relief and a shock. I took a deep breath, thinking about all the pain I was about to avoid.
“Of course, I don’t want it. Why would I want that?”
“To show Carter you accept him as your owner,” Susan said, and my heart tightened. “To show him you are willing to endure pain to have his mark on you.”
It shocked me that it was a thing people would do – that Carter would do. It was more shocking that I was actually thinking about it. I bit my lip. It was crazy, right? It made no sense. And, oh boy, I was sure it would hurt. I couldn’t bear the thought of even more pain. I wasn’t made for it. Just because I had endured a lot of it, it didn’t mean I wanted more.
“Then let me go. I want to go.”
“Sure thing,” Susan said without pause, gesturing to the farmhand. “You can put it away, Dave. I’ll call Mr. Hill and tell him.”
“W-wait,” I called to Susan as she was about to turn away. “Tell him what?”
“Tell you that you refused his brand. Tell him that you do not want to be his.”
“That’s not true!” I protested
“It’s not? Didn’t you just say you didn’t want it?”
“I said I didn’t want the branding. I didn’t say I don’t want to be his!” I caught myself saying before blushing and shaking my head. “Not that I want to be his-”
“Oh, but you do, don’t you? Why are you still playing pretend?” Susan asked, looking at me with her intense, intimidating eyes. “Can’t you be honest about what you want?”
I thought about it for a moment. And the truth was that I never felt like I deserved anything. Not the bad things that happened to me and none of the good things either. I deserved nothing. How could I admit to wanting someone so handsome, rich, and unavailable as Carter Hill? Yet, I did. So why was I denying it?
Susan watched and waited. I knew she had me. She knew that I wanted him. I knew it too. It was time to be honest. Not just to myself, but out loud.
“I think I like him, yes,” I admitted.
“Like him?” Susan laughed, cruel and condescending. “Is this grade school? Like him? No… I see it in your eyes. You’re seriously thinking about the brand. Is that the same as liking him?”
“W-what do you want me to say?”
“Say you want the brand. Say you’ll endure the pain if it makes you his. Say you want to belong to him,” Susan prodded.
“I d-don’t want to belong to anyone!” I protested, even though it tasted like a lie.
