Page 82 of Full Tilt
Laying her on the bed beneath me, I swipe a pile of folded clothes on the floor and crawl over her body, caging her in with my arms. We’re both fully dressed, but that’s okay. I’ve got waymore I want to prove to her tonight than just how well I can fuck her.
I don’t know what we are to each other, and frankly, defining us isn’t my priority. Jenna Miller needs to see the real me. The person I buried so many years ago that I’m struggling to remember what he looks like. I know she can see him behind the bravado, and I know I’ll lose her forever if I don’t at least try and reconnect with who I was before I “lost” my parents.
“What’s happening in here, Tommy?” Jenna taps my temple softly.
Fuck me, she’s beautiful like this. No makeup, pieces of dark hair scattered around her face. It would be so easy to kiss her again and then fuck her raw until the sun rises and I have to show up for practice. But avoiding her question would get us nowhere, and I’m tired of being an asshole to this girl. I know she doesn’t deserve it. She had every right to hate me for what I did to her brother, although I can’t say that entitlement stretched to me hating on her too. Jenna was right to turn me down last season. She valued her self-worth and didn’t want to get caught up with the Blades bad boy, who only looked at her like a piece of ass he couldn’t wait to conquer.
I squeeze my eyes shut at the memories, along with the recollection of what Sawyer said to me on the bench the other day. He spoke a lot of truths I couldn’t deny. Or at least maybe didn’t want to anymore. Especially not to the girl patiently waiting on me for an answer.
My voice is thick and hoarse, almost gravelly, when I reply, “So much, Jenna. I wish I could lay it all out for you in a few short sentences.”
She presses her head into the duvet as her eyes analyze my face. “Why do you need to summarize your thoughts so succinctly? I’ve got the time to listen.”
I can feel the coil of tension as it twists and contorts in my stomach. How the fuck am I supposed to open up to someone after years of hiding beneath layers of bullshit?
“I’m lonely too.” Jenna’s whispered confession is the hardest punch I’ve ever taken, and her words hang between us, unrequited as they wait for me to add my own.
As I open my mouth, I’m unsure if I’ll speak or puke, my stomach contracting, to the point of pain.
“But you have friends and family,” I tell her, twirling a piece of her hair around one of my fingers.
Jenna shrugs a shoulder. “Just because I don’t look lonely doesn’t mean I’m not.”
“And just because I pretend I don’t care about anything doesn’t mean I don’t,” I whisper back, appreciating how smooth her hair is against the rough pads of my fingers.
“Tell me something you care about, Tommy,” Jenna says, draping one arm over my shoulder so she can run her fingertips along the shaved hairline at the nape of my neck.
The sensation feels soothing, and instinctively, my eyelids flutter closed.
“I care about being wanted.” My arms tremble again as I hold my weight above the girl who seems to have mastered the art of infiltration, pulling me apart from the inside out. “And I care about what certain people think of me.”
Jenna moves her hand up the back of my head, gently stroking her fingers through my longer hair. “Like whom?”
I’m back to feeling nauseous, fighting the urge to get up and run while I still can. Something stronger keeps me here though, pinned to her mattress with my eyes fixated on her blue irises. “My teammates and coach,” I reply, swallowing past the lump in my throat. “My mom.”
Dropping my head down, I brush my lips across her mouth. “You.”
Jenna’s breath catches in her throat, but she doesn’t say anything in response.
“I don’t want you to hate me, Jenna.”
She shakes her head. “I mean, I did. But I don’t anymore. I’m mixed up over how I feel about you, but I definitely don’t hate you, Tommy.”
I know she’s confused over me. Who wouldn’t be after the way I’ve acted?
“I shouldn’t have punched your brother, and for that, I’m sorry. He was defending your honor, and for what it’s worth, I’d have done the same if I had a sister.”
Jenna rolls her lips together, nodding her head once in acknowledgment. I’ve got zero idea what happens after tonight, but whatever transpires between us, it feels good to get that out in the open. Being a good person feels good.
“No, you’re right. He didn’t deserve it,” Jenna confirms on a sly smile. “And right after we left the bar and went back to my place that night, Holt told me never to go within a hundred feet of you again.” She laughs darkly. “As you can tell, I always listen to my brother.”
I smile down at her. “Holt would fucking murder me if he knew what I planned to do with his sister tonight.”
I don’t know if it’s my imagination playing tricks, but I swear to God I feel her body radiate heat from beneath me.
“What do you have in mind? Taking my ass and making me scream so he can hear over in France?” She laughs nervously.
I pause for just a second before I shake my head and run my thumb across her plump bottom lip. “No, Jenna. That’s not what I want to do with you tonight.”
