Page 76 of Full Tilt
“I’ve been sleeping with him.”
To my total surprise, Kendra chuckles. “I figured something was going on. You two might hate each other’s guts, but you can’t deny the insane level of sexual tension between you both.”
The relief I was feeling earlier vanishes in an instant. I’m back where I was before—feeling like I’m out on an island when it comes to guys and my friends. How the hell am I supposed to explain that what I have with Tommy feels like more than just sex, even if it was never supposed to be more than a quick fuck to satisfy an itch.
All I know is, I can’t let my heart get involved with a boy who is bound to break it.
“Is he good in bed?”
Any response I could potentially form sticks in my throat.
“Jen …” Kendra’s voice is back to soft, her concern evident just from the way she says my name.
“I know you think he’s a complete asshole,” I whisper, finally finding my voice again. “But I think we might have him all wrong.”
“Oh shit.”
“What?” I reply, thinking her response is unrelated to our conversation.
“Have you caught feelings for him?”
I bolt up to a seated position on the bed, crossing my legs underneath me. “Just because I think he might not be all bad after all doesn’t mean I’m falling in love with the guy.”
“I never said you were falling for him,” she quickly counters.
She’s right; she didn’t. It’s not enough to lower my defenses though.
“You basically insinuated it with what you said.” I push a hand through my hair and clear the emotion from my throat. “All I’m saying is, I’ve spent some time with him away from the hockey rink and other people, and … he isn’t the person he makes himself out to be.”
Kendra stays quiet, and I swallow thickly.
“Say something,” I whisper.
She pulls in a breath and releases it slowly. “I guess it’s my turn to not know what to say.”
“You think I’m being an idiot, don’t you?”
Kendra puffs out another breath, and images of the punch Tommy landed on Holt flash in front of me.
Of course she thinks I’m a fool.
“We’ve built our friendship on total transparency, right?”
“Yes,” I confirm.
“Well, in the spirit of keeping that alive, I’ll be really honest with you right now.”
It feels like all the oxygen in the room has been sucked out as I fight to inflate my lungs.
“Tommy reminds me of my ex, Tyler. Sure, Tyler was never so explicit with his assholery, but he sure shares a lot of Tommy’s characteristics. He’s cold and calculating and always looking to gain the upper hand over you. Tyler and Tommy are selfish men who care about only one thing—themselves. Why do you think Tommy is sleeping with you?”
I can sense her question is rhetorical, and I don’t reply.
“Because you turned him down last season and now he sees fucking you and fucking with you as interchangeable. This is all a conquest to him.Youare nothing but a conquest to him. And probably a massivefuck youto your brother too.” She pauses for a breath and then speaks much lower. “Don’t fall for his games, Jen. How many times did you tell me to sack Tyler and find someone I deserved to be with? Countless. So, now, here I am, telling you the exact same thing. You fucked him and scratched that itch. Don’t let him get in your head and mess with you. He isn’t boyfriend material, but there is a guy out there who would kill to be with y?—”
“There’s no one out there for me,” I bite out. Tears now flow freely down my cheeks. “Trust me when I say, I’ve looked and held out hope for Mr. Right, who would wrap his arms around me and tell me I was the only girl for him. It’s time I faced facts and accepted that I’m going to be on the shelf forever, and that’s how I’m trying to live my life—in acceptance. If I continue hoping my dream man will suddenly show up and sweep me off my feet, then I’ll just keep on hurting myself over and over.”
I can feel my stomach churn as a sob breaks free from my throat.
