Page 136 of Full Tilt

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Archer

Speaking of … why are you texting us and not balls deep in Jenna?

Me

Sawyer, you were right. I regret being added into this group chat, and I’m not sure how to get out of it now.

Sawyer

There is no way out. I’ve seen supermax penitentiaries easier to break out of than this group chat.

Jack

Quit whinging and tell me if you asked Jenna yet.

Me

If I had, then you’d know.

Archer

If you want my best advice, then you’ll run away together and get married in secret. It’s way easier.

Jack

Easier when you’re scared shitless of being taken out by her brother. Tommy has more class than that. He doesn’t bang teammates’ sisters.

Me

Did you read that, boys? Cap here thinks I have class.

Archer

Economy class.

Me

Wait until I’m back on the ice this season. You’ll wonder how you ever kept a shutout in game seven.

Emmett

Because he had me in the starting line. *flexes muscles*

Me

You weren’t bad for an old man, I guess.

P.S. Welcome to the group chat of doom, Emmett. A place where hockey players are forced to socialize for an eternity. And on occasion, look at pictures of Archer’s naked chest.

Emmett

I get enough of that shit in the locker room. I’m only here for the gossip.

Sawyer

Well, three of us are married with children. And the other is about to get engaged, if he would get off his phone. There isn’t much gossip going down in here. Trust me.

Emmett

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