Page 53 of The Biggest Secret
I was not brought up that way. My father took great pride in providing for his family. He took great pride in providing for a son that wasn’t even his. But he accepted him and took him in because it’s what Jackson needed.
I was taught that. And yeah, I may have gotten sidetracked or overzealous about taking care of everyone, but I was never lost on what being a father meant.
“Itisus to the end. I wanted it to be anyway. I didn’t know how to do it, Adam. I was afraid. I was afraid the same thing was going to happen. You were going to always choose something other than us. All I saw was that you were busy working and running from site to site. I couldn’t see past the fact that you were doing it to secure a future. All I saw was you not being there.”
She spins that love knot ring I gave her. She never took it off.
“If we do this, will you leave again? I can’t watch you go. Especially not with my son. Can you understand that I am all in? That what I do is for us, as a family, not because I don’t want to spend time with you, or because I’m looking to fill a different void, but because I’m building our future?”
She studies me. I know she wants to say yes but her complicated past is taunting her, whispering in her ear that I’ll leave like her father did. Like Adley’s fiancé did. She doesn’t realize that she has to be vulnerable in order to make this work. That shecanbe vulnerable without being fearful. She has to trust me to catch her. Always.
I step closer to her. “My family wants you here, Chels. With them.With me. They want us to win. They don’t want secrets to keep us apart. They want us to move forward.”
“Do you?” she whispers.
“I want it more than my next breath, Peaches.” I connect with her, my hands reaching her face, cradling her cheeks and she nuzzles into me. I wipe the tears that have leaked from her eyes, mine coming a close second to matching hers.“I think our conversation earlier was more for you and I than it was for Dom. He’s going to love us no matter what we tell him. He’s going to be happy to have both of us around him. So, now we decide to be happy together, too.”
“How can you say that? How can you still want me when I kept the biggest secret ever from you?” She shakes free of me. “So many secrets. I just, I can’t… I don’t understand.”
I know she’s spiraling backwards, her trauma taking her back in time, not allowing her to fully understand I just want to move forward. With them. I just want my family.
“Because this time, I get to decide for us. I get to decide for you and I’m deciding you’re not running anymore. Let me take that burden from you. Let me shoulder the weight of what you think are failures. They’re not! They’re markers to show where you’ve grown, points in time where you can see something you tried didn’t work so now you get to choose a different route. Let those failures be strengths to support you now.” I reach for her hand again. “I know who you are, babe. I’ve been waiting for you to see that person.”
“But I don’t know who I am! I’ve been fighting my whole life to be noticed, and now I don’t know how to process the changes. And then you were there. Always there like the good man you are. But I don’t know what good men are?—”
“I’m calling bullshit. You didn’t have a good influence growing up, I get that, but since you’ve been here, with me? You have more than your share of examples of good men. My dad, Tom, hell, even Jackson. Don’t you dare tell him I said that.” She smirks and grabs for my other hand. “But you’re scared. And I get it. I do. But it’s time to be fearless. It’s time to trust. I don’t care what anyone says. I’m here. I want to be here; now I just need you to see it. See me. I’m begging CJ. For your sake,mine and Dominic’s. See me.”My hold on her fingers tighten, my throat beginning to close up.
“I was so selfish. And it caused heartache for everyone around me.”
“What’s selfish is going without. Missing out on a love that was stronger than anything that could have possibly broken us. I’ve waited two long years. I almost gave up, but then you found me again. It’s been you from the start. I’ve fought for the wrong things and sat back when I shouldn’t have. I can only do so much; I can only try to make you see what I see. But I need you to know it would’ve been true then and it’s true now. I want even more.” Her eyes go round, and a smile crosses my face. “I pictured a large family with you Chelsea from the first day we met. I saw it happening. We’re good Chelsea. So good. And it kills me that you think you don’t deserve it. But guess what? You do deserve it. And yeah I’ve waited a lot of time to get your love back. But if you’re not going to give it, I have to let it go.It will kill me. But this is killing me more.You’re here but you’re not all in. I need you to be all in. I need you to be all in with us as a family. It’s time Chelsea. I know what I want. Now it’s time to decide whatyouwant and not be afraid to go forward. It’s time to make a decision and stick with it.”
Chapter Thirty-Three
CHELSEA
“Don’t ever let a man dictate your life. If he says he’s going to do something, and he doesn’t, leave! If he says he’ll be somewhere and doesn’t show, leave! Get away right then and there. Because if he does it once, he’ll always do it. Trust me, Chelsea, it’s a pattern, and leopards don’t change their spots. A man will beg you to be there for them but at the drop of a hat, they’ll leave you and won’t think twice about it.”
“I choose you. I choose our son. I choose us.” I speak the words I should have said out loud two years ago.
I chooseme. I’m thankful for the second chance that is standing in front of me, when I don’t deserve it. I’m thankful I get the chance now to voice my wants. I’ve let my past dictate my future for far too long. I’ve almost lost out on a love that is true and real because I was blinded by what my father did to me and what my mother said to me.
My father wasn’t a father at all. He was a selfish man, who took the good life he had for granted. He took the good wife he hadfor granted and never enjoyed the time with his daughters. He caused heartache for Adley and I, and that heartache bled into our own relationships. He turned my mother jaded and she lost out on loving someone, as well.
Love is not always blood. Love is the one holding the door for you because your arms are full, the one who leaves the stove light on at night because they know you always need to get up for a glass of water. Love is waiting out the bad decisions knowing the good will eventually shine through.
Love is what Adam and I found at twenty years old. People will tell you at that age you don’t know what love is. They will tell you there is not enough life experience to understand what it means to be committed. But what we found at twenty far surpassed anything my mother found at age thirty, or forty. It surpassed anything I was taught as a young girl.
What we have now is dedication. Commitment. It’s eyes wide open, head out of our asses, love. And the only thing I am sorry for is how long it took me to get here. The missing time between Adam and I being the only consequence, because Dominic is still young enough to see both parents in love with him and each other.
He stalks closer to me, those eyes of his literally glowing. “I’m so glad you see it my way.” Without a second to waste, he’s on me, hands on my waist and he’s invading my mouth. This is not a sweet loving kiss. This is a claiming, a declaration that I am his and I am not going to leave him again. His hands tighten on my waist, to the point of bruising but I don’t care. I need to feel him. I need him to get rough and use me for what he needs.To make me truly feel that he needs and chooses me.
“We’ve lost a lot of time and I’m going to make up for it, starting tonight. I won’t ever let you forget what you do to me, or how I make you feel. Remember that, Chelsea. No one touches you like I do. No one makes you feel like I do. No one makes you come as hard as I do.”
His words send shivers down my spine. He’s right. No one has ever turned me on like Adam does. It’s like he’s a part of me, knowing what I want, what I need before I do.
His alpha attitude has always turned me on, but if you were to ask me if I wanted to be dominated? If I wanted to submit to a boyfriend, I’d tell you hell no. That was not me, especially after seeing the way myfather treated us. Being submissive to someone who didn’t give a shit about me was not in my nature.
But Adam? He knew how to take it to the next level and leave me wanting more and more of him.
