Page 29 of Fall to Me
I hope this doesn’t backfire in my face.
Swallowing up the distance between us, I scoop her up into my arms, bridal style.
“W-what are you doing?” she squeaks, hands clutching my shoulders.
“Faking it so hard that we actually believe this is real, Mrs. Graham. What does it look like?” I drop a kiss to the tip of her nose. “If this were real—if we were in love—you’d be in my arms, giggling as we walked intoourpenthouse.”
River squirms, slapping at my arms. “Stop it, Carter! Put me down!”
She’s fucking cute when she’s flustered.
“No,” I say, carrying her through the doorway. “I have to carry you over the threshold. I’m pretty sure it’s a superstition or something.”
“Why in the actual hell should we care about superstitions when our marriage isn’t even real?”
I kick the door closed behind us, then stop in my tracks. “Hey. Right now, it’s real to me. Let me have this moment, yeah?” I spin us around. “I’m emotionally invested here.”
“If you don’t set me down?—”
“You’ll what?” I ask, bellowing a laugh. “Bring out your kitty claws and attack me?”
I spin us around in circles until she’s squealing, her giggles echoing throughout the room.
“Ahhh! Carter, stop it. You’re making me dizzy!”
I stop spinning and lower River’s feet to the floor, a smile beaming on both of our faces as we stare at each other. Something crosses her expression, and her eyes narrow, not in annoyance but as if she’s trying to figure something out.
Her body stiffens in my arms, then exhaling, she gently pushes away from me and slowly saunters toward the floor-to-ceiling window, where Central Park lies below and the lights of New York shine brightly far beyond the horizon.
She groans, then drags her hands down her face. “Christ. I’m so embarrassed. You remember.”
She turns around, her fingertips grazing her lips, then points toward the door. “I was freaking out about coming in and you distracted me. That’s when I realized that you may not remember much about our crazy night, but you remember what happened to me.”
When I don’t speak, she continues, “I heard you using a grounding technique with me on Fremont Street. So, I’ll go ahead and ask you, what do you know?”
I run a hand across my jaw and blow out a breath. I guess we’re doing this now. It’s best to get it out of the way.
“There’s nothing to be embarrassed about. Okay? I don’t know the details of your past, River. You can tell me about that if and when you’re ready to. I do know whatever you went through was traumatic. Yes. I used a grounding technique. There was a time when I had to use them on my sister, but your flashback isn’t the only thing that tipped me off that someone did something horrible to you.”
Her brows furrow, and I know she’s trying to figure out what I’ve seen.
“That band on your wrist? You’re always snapping it. And yeah, a lot of women may wear a hair tie on their wrist and snap it, but they do it mindlessly. You don’t. You do it with intention, right after you scan your surroundings, or a flash of fear crosses your face . . . and sometimes . . . when you look at me. You flinch when people touch you. Then there was the way you reacted to me approaching you on that platform . . . nowthatgutted me. I realized my mistake too late. I shouldn’t have stormed toward you like that. I’m sorry it scared you. I saw the fear in your eyes and needed to hold you.”
I reach up, gently tilting her chin, and guiding her to look into my eyes to see the sincerity there. “I swear to you, River, my hands will always be kind, and my words will never be cruel.”
Her eyes shine as she takes a ragged breath. She swallows hard as if her throat is working around words to force them out, then she shakes her head. “Please don’t tell anyone.”
“I would never betray you like that.” I reach for her and slowly take her hand in mine. She stares at our hands and raises a brow.
“We may be married, but we can’t be more than friends, Carter.”
“I don’t expect anything from you. Do I want you? Of course, I do. That’s no secret to you or anyone else. I’m not saying that I’m gonna stop pursuing you; we both know that would be a lie, but my friendship doesn’t come with any expectations. If you get there, you get there, and if you don’t, well . . . that would fucking suck for me.”
She lets out a small chuckle, and my thumb rubs across the top of her hand before I continue. “Whether I’m just your friend or something more, I’ll be whatever you need me to be: an anchor to ground you to the present when your thoughts are spiraling to the past or a net that catches you when you feel like you need an escape. I promise, if you fall to me, I’ll catch you every damn time.”
“It’s not that easy. I can’t just hand over my trust to you.”
“I don’t expect you to. Trust is earned. I want to earn your trust.”
