Page 10 of Fall to Me
She scoffs as her eyes roll. “Whatever.”
“I don’t know, it’s almost like we’re meant to be.”
“You and I will never happen,” she quips with pursed lips as her eyes narrow in my direction.
Keep lying to yourself, Kitten.
Four
River
Fuck you, Carter Graham . . . with your quick-witted comebacks . . . and hot body . . . and stupid dimples . . .
Five
River
I hate that song. Every time I hear it, I’m taken back to one of the many times Jaxon attacked me. It was blaring in the background, and the only way I could separate myself from what he was doing to me was to fixate on the music. The moment I hear the opening notes, it never fails; my entire body locks up, and my mind is carried off to somewhere else.
I keep cutting glances at Carter as we approach the platform. I’m ninety-nine percent certain he witnessed me having that flashback a few minutes ago, even though he’s not acting weird around me, like some people normally would. He’s acting as though nothing even happened, but I heard him. He was reminding me of where we were.
Not a single one of the friends I’ve made in New York knows what I went through before moving here, and I want to keep it that way. I remember the looks I received from the people in town when I returned to Stroud after the accident. The pity in their eyes from me being caught up in an abusive marriagethat almost killed me. Don’t get me wrong, the people in my hometown are like family, and when shit goes sideways, they are the first to rally around you. But I don’t want any of my new friends to feel sorry for me. The entire situation is embarrassing and makes me feel stupid. The River that everyone in New York knows is the person I want to be. It’s a façade. A lie.
Lying.
Now that’s something I’ve become way too good at over the past couple of years. Like, how convincing I was when I told Carter I wasn’t scared of riding this thing, but the truth is I’ve never done anything like this. And as much as I pretend zooming five blocks—eleven stories up in the air—superman style doesn’t faze me, it quite literally scares the ever-loving shit out of me.
Glancing at the tables on the other side of the gate, reality sets in.
Fuck.
I don’t know if I can do this.
I’m frozen to the spot at the platform gate, unable to move, while Carter strides to one of the tables in the middle section. I swallow down the lump of dread deep in my throat, trying to tame the fear bubbling to the surface. Thank God no one’s up here to see my mild freak out, well, except for a couple of attendants. All Carter had to do was snap his fingers, and poof, the ride became private. I guess that’s one of the perks of being a famous athlete.
Carter stops and peers over his shoulder, then stalks back out of the gate and toward me—his broad build is massive and intimidating. The way he’s moving quickly in my direction with his brows furrowed, reminds me of how Jaxon would stomp toward me before he would hit me. Instant fear consumes me. Alarm bells go off in my head. Deep down, I know there’s nothing to be scared of when it comes to Carter Graham, but trauma doesn’t speak the same language as logic. My brain hasprogrammed me to defend or conceal myself, and if I’m lucky . . . to run.
This is one of the reasons why I won’t date him. Why I refuse to dateanyone. Because I’m not fucking normal, and I can’t trust anyone.
God, I’m so fucked up.
Two big, warm hands gently cradle both my cheeks. The second his skin touches mine, a calm feeling washes over me.
As Carter bends down, his eyes tangle with mine.
“Hey,” he says softly. “You’re okay, baby. I’m right here with you.”
The tenderness in his voice and the way he touches me makes me feel safe. Tears prick behind my eyelids, and my vision blurs. I press my head against his chest and wrap my arms around his waist, clinging to his white cotton T-shirt. His body stiffens, then after a few seconds, his arms wrap around me.
One hand lightly massages the back of my head, and the other one rubs up and down my back in a slow, soothing motion as he whispers against my temple. “We don’t have to do this. We can go back down right now and find something else to do. Okay?”
I’ve never seen this side of him. He’s not acting like the flirty hockey player who flashes his panty-dropping dimples and annoys the ever-loving-shit out of me. He’s being a friend. One who sees I’m in trouble and is here to throw me a lifeline. The thing is, I didn’t even have to say a word; he knew something was wrong, and in an instant, he was ready to take care of me. He has to know. There’s no way he doesn’t.
I lean further into him, allowing the rich earthy tones of his cologne to comfort me.
What was once about the zipline isn’t anymore. Now, I’m struggling with my asshole ex still having a hold on me. The way Jaxon controls my behavior without even being present. How heholds my thoughts captive. The way he can still terrify me from over a thousand miles away.
The thought lights a fire and sets a new determination deep in my soul.
