Page 64 of The Duchess' Ultimatum
Another step forward. With each one taken, she kept her eyes fixed on Dorian, refusing to allow him to look away. And it was because she did, that she saw him slowly coming around, the shell fading, the fight inside of his lessening.
He wants this, as do I. I know he does.
“Tell me I am not wasting my time,” she pressed on him. “You do not have to commit anything. You do not have to… I don’t expect anything beyond words. Confirmation that if I stay here after this weekend is over, it won’t be for nothing. That youwantmore. Or that you think you might.”
“And…” He hesitated. “And the child? What of that?”
“Were you not listening,” she laughed. “The child is a symptom, not the cure. And as I have struggled with what I want from this life, I know you are the same.”
“My sister,” he said as if on instinct. “She –”
“Will not be around forever,” Penelope said. “And when she leaves you, what will you do next? I know you have thought about it. I know how much that scares you. But Dorian, it doesn’t have to. We are married and there is no reason that can’t be what gives us both purpose.”
“Are you sure of that?” he said again, no fight to his words.
“You tell me.” She took a final step closer, a foot between them. And then, she reached forward and took his hands. “Am I wasting my time? Should I go or should I stay? Whatever you say, I will do it. I just need to hear you say it, Dorian. For me… and for you.”
It was such a simple question. One that shouldn’t have taken nearly so long for her to ask.
But to look at Dorian’s face, she might have been asking Dorian to reveal his greatest fear. His most hidden secret. Asked to give an answer of such gravity that the world could end was he to get it wrong.
Penelope said nothing. She kept a hold of his hands, held his eyes, made him see that she was there for him and that whatever he said, whichever way this went, she wouldn’t hold it against him. All she wanted was the truth.
“I…” He swallowed. “I don’t know what I want.” His voice was soft. “But I do know that I don’t… I don’t want you to…” He hesitated further, the struggle inside of him was real. “Can I think about it?”
“Think about what?”
“What I want,” he said. His expression grew determined, and she could see him trying to work through his own thoughts. “This weekend is still some way from ending, which gives us time. I cannot say what I want, but I do know what I don’t want.”
“And what is that?”
“I don’t want you to leave hating me.” He laughed awkwardly. “These last few years, not seeing one another. I had convinced myself it was the only way to go about things, only now I am not so sure.”
“I still do not understand.”
“You will,” he said earnestly. “As soon as I do – let me think on it tonight, so that tomorrow I will have an answer.”
It wasn’t what Penelope wanted to hear…. But it was better than nothing. Not a complete rejection of her feelings, but a promise to consider them properly for the first time. In a way, it was almost a victory.
“Tomorrow,” she said, smiling softly.
“I will come to you,” he said, smiling back. “How I wish I could give you an answer now. Only…”
“It is not that simple,” she laughed.
He laughed with her. “It almost never is.”
They looked fondly at one another, a sense that finally they were heading toward the same path. Would that path lead in the same direction? Or would it divert once they walked it? Time would tell, she supposed.
“And as for the child…” His brow furrowed tight and that question appeared to bring him the most worry. “If I… if my answer is not what you wish to hear…”
“I cannot say,” she said, meaning it. Although she knew a child would not solve all her problems, that did not mean she never wanted one. And if it turned out that she and Dorian could not work, perhaps then a child would be her final salvation.
“I will give you one if you need,” he told her seriously. “This weekend, you have done all that you promised and more. If itcomes to that, then I will…” He squeezed her hands. “Whatever you need.”
He is trying so hard to do the right thing, and for that, now needs to be enough.
Now would have been a perfect time to leave. With her piece said, with a new agreement reached, best to get out before anything might ruin it. And yet…it feels as if there is still one thing missing.
