Page 42 of The Duchess' Ultimatum
“Dorian, I…” Her body was shaking. “I did not come here to apologize about Albina.”
“Oh?”
“No.” She firmed up and forced herself to meet Dorian’s eyes. “I’ve been thinking lately about… about our agreement. The child, and… and if this party is… is up to your standard, that after you and I… that we…” She laughed awkwardly. “You know…”
“I won’t go back on my word, Penelope, if that is what you are worried about.”
“No, not that,” she said. “It’s what happens after.” Again, a lump appeared in her throat, and she swallowed it.
“Oh…” For the first time, Dorian appeared nervous, his huge frame seeming to shrink back in the darkness. “After. What do you mean?”
“I have been thinking a lot about the child – why I wanted one in the first place. And I’ve realized that… or I think I have, anyway. For most of my life, I looked after my father, cared for him, made him my life. And when he passed away, that purpose that was everything I lived for, it was gone.” She laughed nervously, needing to because the tension was getting too much. “You probably don’t have any idea what I’m talking about.”
Dorian was looking right at her, the deep blue of his eyes once again appearing sad in the way she had come to know. “You’re wrong,” he said, his voice dropping. “I know it. A little too well.”
She forced a smile, her breathing still shaking. “It is that purpose that I have been missing. I hope that a child will fill it. I still believe that is the case. Only these last few days, I have started to wonder… I have been thinking… things are not so clear and… and… She could say it.
It was not such an easy thing to ask as she had thought.
Penelope could still not say how she felt exactly about her husband. But she could say that she did not hate him, that she was not reviled by him, that she was finding herself drawn to him in ways that might have once seemed impossible. That despite everything, she was starting to wonder if there might be a future there.
If she was to bring a child into this world, would it not be better to do so with a husband by her side? Was that not the entire point of marriage in the first place? Even if she could not say how she felt about Dorian, she wanted to know if he thought the same. And if he did… what that might mean for them.
But she was shaking. Sweating terribly. Her tongue grew thick in her mouth and the way that Dorian watched her made it all but impossible to speak. She wanted to get the words out, while wanting just as much to turn and run and forget this ever happened.
As much as she was starting to know her husband, in that moment she realized that she did not know him nearly as much as she thought. Certainly not enough to have any idea what he was thinking.
Which in hindsight was why she was caught by such surprise at what he did next.
Dorian came on her without warning.
Her eyes widened as his hulking body swept through the door, one hand wrapping around her waist to pull her forward, the other going to the side of her face so she could not lean away. On instinct, her mouth opened to protest, her hands pulled up to shove him away, but when his lips found her mouth the fight left her.
Penelope accepted the kiss as if she was breathing in air for the first time. She felt it fill her lungs, sweep through her body, set it alight so that all the nerves and panic and fear she’d been feeling melted like ice before a roaring hearth. Her body relaxed, her mouth opened, his tongue found its way inside and their kiss became a most natural and passionate thing.
For a few glorious seconds… Penelope could not say what happened or what she was feeling. She lost herself in that kiss, the taste of the duke, the feel of his warmth.
And that was when the duke pulled away.
She gasped and it felt like a piece of her was being torn free. She lurched and stumbled, caught her footing, eyes wide and panic returning.
Dorian stood back, his face and body still shadowed so she couldn’t make out his expression. She thought to smile, because surely he was doing the same? But she could feel the tension, heavy and unsettling, and she knew before he spoke that his mind was not in the same place as her own.
“I… I should not have done that,” Dorian said, almost sounding ashamed.
“Wh – what?” she stammered, not understanding.
“You should go to bed…” His hand reached out for the door, preparing to close it. “I…” He hesitated, and she thought she saw guilt flash behind his eyes. Shame too. “I’ll see you in the morning.” And then, without another word, he closed the door in her face.
Penelope stood there gaping.
Her heart crashed in her chest. Her mind shattered. All sense of reason fled her, and she had never felt so stupid, so small, so utterly pathetic and lost. And where she might have been confused by what happened, she found in that moment for the first time that she saw everything clearly.
Not that this makes things any better.
It was clear to her now that the duke did not want the same thing as she did. He had given his answer to the question she never even got a chance to ask. And that answer? This weekend was as far as their relationship would go.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
