Page 28 of The Duchess' Ultimatum
“It is fine.” She relaxed slightly. Then, she laughed. “It is strange, isn’t it. That we are married, yet we know so little about one another. Practically strangers.”
Dorian grimaced, sensing where this conversation was going. “There isn’t anything to know…” He bent his head over the desk as if he meant to get back to work.
“On the contrary,” Penelope pushed, eagerness touching her voice. “It has been three years since we married, surely something of note has happened to you in that time?” Head still bowed, he could feel her eyes on him. “For example, I found that living alone while being free to do as I wished wasn’t nearly as enjoyable as I hoped it might be.” She laughed at that. “Oh sure, it started that way, but the honeymoon period couldn’t last forever.”
Still, Dorian pretended to ignore her, and still he felt her watching him.
“My father passing did not help,” she said, and her tone turned toward morose. He winced, knowing about her father. “In truth, that is largely the reason I wanted to have a child. I…” She exhaled and her voice grew heavy. “My entire life, everything I did, was for him. Caring for him. Keeping him company. It gave me purpose, and I was happy for it to do so. Much like you with your sister, I imagine.”
“I will be happier when she finds herself a husband,” Dorian spoke before he could stop himself.
If he was being honest with himself, Dorian couldn’t say whether that was accurate, even if he’d never really thought about it before. For the last few years, everything he did was for his sister, a life dedicated to her happiness and wellbeing. But what would happen when she found a husband and moved out? What would he do when he had no one...
I want that to be the case, don’t I? Is that not the entire point of this party in the first place?
“Oh, I am sure you will be,” she said with sincerity. “But it is harder to reckon with when it does happen. And for me, these last few months, I came to realize that a child will fill that void my father left behind.” She laughed awkwardly. “That probably sounds foolish, doesn’t it.”
“No,” he said softly. “It doesn’t.”
“I want you to know, Dorian, I am not trying to trap you. I do not expect you to help me raise the child – or involve yourself in any way. This is for me and me alone, and once I fall pregnant if you wish to pretend that I do not exist, then…” She was looking at him, he could feel it. “Then that will probably be for the best.”
It should have been exactly what Dorian wanted to hear.
He had no designs on a child of his own, as for now his life was for his sister and her future. But what would happen once she left him? Would he experience that same emptiness that Penelope was dealing with right now? Would he want more…
His mind turned to his own upbringing. A father who paid more attention to his older brother. A mother who gave all her love to his sister. Resentment blossoming at being ignored and treated with indifference, having nobody in his life to love or care for him, which in turn saw him leave and join the war.
It wasn’t until he was gone that his father died, and his mother shortly after. Still, he stayed away, resenting them because he felt that they would not have cared if he came back or not. And it wasn’t until his brother died and he was forced to return that he grew close to his sister, finding in her that piece of himself that he was always missing.
Did his child deserve a life such as that? A father who he or she did not even know? Especially as he knew better than anyone the effect that was sure to have on them?
“I know what you are doing,” Dorian spoke into his chest, still not looking at her.
“Excuse me?”
Slowly, he forced himself to look at her. He made his expression severe and accusatory, not wanting her to see how plagued he was with self-doubt. “I am not going to go back on my word, if that is what worries you.”
“I wasn’t...”
“And trying to make me feel sorry for you or… or pity you.” He curled his lips in dismissal. “You will have your child, if you keep up your end of the bargain. But only if you do.”
Penelope was leaning back, clearly surprised by the turn he had taken. “I… I know –”
“Which is why we shouldn’t waste time speaking of things that do not matter,” he said sharply. “We have a week, and don’t have time to waste.” With that, he bowed his head again and went back to work.
Penelope continued to watch him, likely not understanding what had brought about his anger. And where Dorian was plagued by guilt, as it had not been her fault, he did not explain or apologize. He needed to keep this relationship professional and surface level only… no matter how hard it was. No matter what the voice said in the back of his mind, warning him that should this weekend succeed the way it might, he would be alone with nobody to care for or look after.
That was a problem for the future. And being as stubborn as he was, it wasn’t one he thought to fix. Even if his wife, in a situation that echoed his own a little too closely, might have been the only person in this world capable of understanding.
CHAPTER NINE
Penelope had exciting news. Two pieces, in fact. And for that reason, she was smiling when she appeared before Dorian in his office.
“You look rather excited,” he said when he saw her standing there, noting the smile on her face.
“Oh, do I,” she offered with a casual shrug. “I thought this was how I always looked.”
He scoffed at the joke. “Put me out of my misery and tell me. There is clearly something on your mind.”
