Page 69 of The Duchess' Ultimatum
It was a day of games, and for most it might be considered the highlight of the entire weekend. For Dorian, it was the hardest day he’d suffered through in living memory.
What he had wanted to spend the day doing was hunting with some of the other men. While the women busied themselves with such activities as bullet pudding and croquet and lawn bowls and even tug-o-war for the children, the men were off in the nearby forest happy to get away so they might drink and gossip without their wives about.
For Dorian, unable to concentrate, not willing to leave the estate because he felt he needed to keep an eye on his sister and his wife, opted to stay on the grounds and… simply wander.
There was a part of him that was angered, furious at being taken advantage of by Lord Kenbrook.
There was another part that felt guilty, hating that he had put his wife and his sister in a position to be used like this.
And there was a final part that felt resigned because deep down he knew what he was going to do. Not ready to admit such a thing to himself yet, he chose to take the morning so he might think on his options before making the most difficult choice he’d ever had to make in his life.
My sister’s happiness or my own…
If he forced his sister to marry Nicholas Wood then he wouldn’t have to concern himself with Lord Kenbrook’s threats. He would be free to pursue his feelings for Penelope any way that he wished, and in so doing might find himself falling for her. And thus, when his sister left and he no longer had her to care for, he’d have a new purpose in life. The emptiness that threatened to consume him… it would not matter because Penelope would surely be enough to fill it. She would be enough.
But what of his sister’s happiness? He wanted to believe that she might find happiness with Nicholas Wood if not given another choice, but there was no guarantee. And if she was left miserable, he would be to blame.
On the other hand, if he was to deny Lord Kenbrook then the rumor of his marriage and its failings would seep through thetonand that might very well doom Penelope beyond repair. Oh sure, if she and he were to work things out it wouldn’t matter. But if it turned out that they were not compatible and shedecided to return home, what then? Her life would effectively be over.
Could he do that to her? And if he did, what then?
In the back of his mind, Dorian considered the obvious. The child that she had wanted. The final option before him, to give her the child so that even if she was left alone, at least she would have that to keep her company. Perhaps not the most satisfying of endings, but one that would not doom Penelope completely.
There was no right answer, and that was what troubled Dorian the most.
So, he spent the day deep in thought. And alone.
Most strangely, he noticed too that Penelope did not try and find him. Stranger still, he did not see her about the grounds with the other guests. He wondered if she was hiding from him, but that made no sense. She was not with Barbara. She was not with her sisters or her cousin. She had vanished, the only possible reason he could conceive being that she did not want him to find her.
But why would that be? As far as she should be concerned, we are finally of the same mind -- or we might be, once we talk. She should be out here right now, hunting me down, desperate to be given the answer I promised her.
It wasn’t until midday that Dorian decided what to do.
The decision came as he watched Barbara from afar. She was playing lawn bowls with two of Penelope’s sisters and he had never seen her so happy. That she was eager to be social, that she enjoyed the company of others was proof of how far she had come – that she had it in herself to be happy. And it was because she was that, that Dorian knew he couldn’t possibly steal such a feeling from her.
After all, had he not spent the last five years determined to help his sister? Putting his own life on hold so that she might find happiness, and even love. Was that not the entire point? To think he might take that from her on a chance, for his own selfish needs… no, he couldn’t do that.
He watched her laugh. He watched her smile. He watched her grown into the woman he knew she could be. And as he did, he determined that the decision needed to be her own.
One more conversation. One more confirmation of what she wanted. And whatever she said, he would do. He was sure he knew the answer, as he was sure what he would have to do once she gave it. But a final chance to find out was all he had left.
She was who mattered most to him. And as for Penelope? He just prayed that she would understand and forgive him.Not that I deserve it…
“Barbara, can I speak to you?” Dorian was waiting by the doorway by the back of the house. As he was, a smattering ofthe other guests walked by and he made sure to greet them and ensure they were enjoying themselves, typical hosting duties. But it was his sister who he wished to see.
She was with Alexandra and Evelina, having just come from playing lawn bowls. Sweating a little, hair a mess, he figured they were due to change and clean themselves before settling into the afternoon. Tonight was to be a grand feast, while the hours before that were left for the guests to spend how they wanted.
“Oh…” Barbara saw him and came to a stop. Arms linked with the two women, she pulled away and fixed them with an apologetic smile.
“Find us after,” Evelina told her. “We’ll be in our rooms.”
“I won’t be long,” she assured them.
Dorian smiled at the interaction, again reminded of how far she had come. Again, reminded of why he was doing this.
“Can we walk?” he asked her, indicating back toward the garden. As he did, he cocked out his arm for her to link. She did so without question.
“Sounds serious,” Barbara joked as they started down the steps. “Need I be concerned?”
