Page 6 of Redeeming the Outlaw
Esther shook her head and stood to wrap her arms around her father in a warm embrace. “No, Papa. You’ve always been perfect. I promise to obey when the letters arrive.”
“Thank you, Esther,” he replied, returning the hug before gently releasing her.
As Esther considered her future, she was torn between thelife of duty and devotion which lay before her and her longing for something more. She whispered another prayer, hoping one day she could reconcile her desires with her commitment to her family and community. Lifting her fingers to brush away any trace of tears which might have fallen on her cheeks, she gave her father a half smile.
“Have you told Ruth and Naomi?”
Papa shook his head. “No. I don’t think Mama will tell them because I asked the Reverend to look for a husband for Ruth, too.”
“She’s only seventeen!”
“She’s old enough to get married. Your mother and I married when she was sixteen.”
“Papa, please. I’m begging you, don’t force Ruth to marry so quickly.”
“Esther, you’ll do as I say. You need to learn obedience and to keep your opinions to yourself. I suggest you stop reading those penny novels and spend more time in the Word before your new husband comes to fetch you.” Esther gasped as Papa walked back around the desk and sat down. “Don’t look so surprised, Esther. I know everything which goes on in this house.”
“You’ve not said anything.”
“Like I said, I have been too lenient with you. There hasn’t been a need until now. Just don’t let Naomi read them. She doesn’t need any ideas.”
“Ideas about what, Papa?”
Papa laughed. “About anything.” Esther watched as he moved to a prie-dieu set near the window. “Come join me, and let’s pray together about your future.”
She moved next to him and lifted her skirt slightly before kneeling on the wooden bench’s padded cushion. Folding herhands, she placed her elbows on the sloped shelf and bowed her head.
“Heavenly Father,” Papa began. Esther listened to him pray before starting a prayer of her own.
“God, grant me the strength to honor my family and follow Your path,” she prayed softly, tears threatening to spill down her cheeks. “I pray my future husband shares our faith and values. Please don’t let him take me too far away from Flat River, and if it’s not too much to ask, may he be handsome and love adventure.” She hesitated, biting her lip as she considered adding one more request. “And please, Lord, don’t let him be boring.”
As she prayed, Esther’s mind filled with images of a life close to Flat River. She imagined riding horses through open fields with her heart pounding in her chest as she raced alongside her dashing husband. She envisioned sharing whispered secrets by flickering firelight, laughter bubbling up like a hidden spring. A life filled with excitement, danger, and passion.
Just as quickly, reality came crashing back down. She was Esther Maria Billings, the preacher’s daughter, destined for a life of duty and servitude. Not one which included taunting wild dreams.
“Forgive me, Lord,” she murmured, tears welling in her eyes. “I know I shouldn’t want these things, but sometimes... sometimes it feels like there’s a part of me which is destined for something more. As if I don’t belong here.”
Esther wiped away her tears, frustration mounting within her. Why did her heart long for things contrary to what her family and community expected? How could she ever reconcile these desires with her commitment to the life she knew?
“Give me strength, Lord,” she pleaded, her voice crackingwith emotion. “Help me bring these two parts of myself together. Help me understand why You’ve placed this yearning within me.”
She remained there, kneeling next to her father. She felt her heart ache, knowing regardless of the path she chose, a part of her would always be left behind. As she whispered one last prayer for guidance and clarity, a flicker of hope ignited within her.
“Guide me, Lord. Show me how to honor my family and remain true to myself. Help me find the path which leads to the life I am meant to live. Please, Lord,” she whispered, “make it possible.”
Her father’s powerful voice filled the air. “Amen.”
“Amen.” Esther rose from her knees, her eyes glistening with tears. She knew if it was God’s will, He would bring her dreams to life without forsaking her duty to her family and community. “Thank you, Papa,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper. “I trust your judgment; and God will guide me to prepare for marriage.”
“Good girl,” he replied, his sharp eyes softening ever so slightly. “I know you will make us proud.”
Esther nodded and left her father’s study, praying she wouldn’t let anyone down.
Esther sat on her bed, the glow of a single candle flickering across the worn pages of her Bible. The quiet was a welcome relief from the weighty conversation she’d had with Papa earlier. An arranged marriage loomed before her like an insurmountablemountain, and she sought solace in the familiar words of Scripture.
She looked at the words on the page and realized she couldn’t remember where she was, so she closed the book and placed it back on the nightstand. Debating if she should read her penny novel, her fingers inched toward the edge of the mattress when a soft knock stopped her.
“Esther?” Her mother’s gentle voice carried through the heavy wood door.
