Page 14 of A Groom for Lauren
She flinched at the darkness of her own thoughts.
Yes, she was thankful that she and her daughter were living to see the next week ever since the incident at the riverbank. Despite that, life had very little joy for her. Why couldn't she feel any sort of pleasure?
An image of Jonah's face flashed in her mind from that last night. She sobbed, her fingers clutching at her throat. Why has she said those awful things? Jonah had done the very best he could for her. Why had she let her selfish desires prevent her from seeing that?
And yet Esther was still colicky. Lauren stared at the child in the basket. The baby's face was wet with tears and her cheeks were red like an apple. On one hand she knew she was supposed to reach out and grab the baby and comfort it. But there was such a heaviness that fell on her shoulders. And no matter how hard she tried, she could not get enough strength and concern to move forward and help the baby.
If you hadn't made Jonah feel so terrible,the voice echoed in her head,he would be here and there would be someone to help you with Esther.
The pain of everything filled her mind once more. She was a failure as a wife and as a mother. Suddenly once again the siren song of the water called to her.
Come join me, the water lapping against the riverbank seem to say.Get away from your failures and come be with me.
Maybe she should walk back towards the water. She closed her eyes and willed the thoughts to dissipate. The sound of a pounding on her door forced her eyes open. It was so abrupt, the voices left immediately, along with the heaviness surrounding her.
She shook her head to dispel the last thoughts and reached for Esther, lifting the crying child against her shoulder. “Shh,” she whispered against Esther’s hair as she bounced her. “Hush my darling. Hush my darling.” Esther hiccupped and gummed her tiny fist. Lauren leaned the baby back and rocked her until the tears subsided.
The knock on the door startled her—she forgot someone was there. Shifting Esther into the crook of her arm, she walked over to the door and opened it, giving a short gasp of surprise. It took a moment for her to recognize the figure standing on the steps through her puffy eyes.
“Dr. Spaulding.” She wasn’t expecting visitors. She quickly glanced at her dress and grimaced. There was nothing to be done about it now.
“Good morning, Mrs. Hale,” he said cheerfully.
Lauren continued to rock Esther in her arms. She swallowed at the concerned look on the doctor's face. His blue eyes with their ever-changing colors looked like the blue of a clear dawn morning.
“I'm surprised to see you so soon,” she said. “What can I do for you today, Dr. Spaulding?”
“Come now, Mrs. Hale. I have been checking on you for the past week.”
Lauren drew in a deep breath. Ever since the doctor rescued her, he stopped by every morning to see about her welfare. The first time it happened she sent him on his way, assuring him that she was well recovered from the incident. Several times he tried to pull her into conversation about her emotional state, but she assured him everything was fine.
She knew she was a terrible liar.
Did he think that because he did not tell anyone what she had tried to do, that he had the right to pester her? No! He did not have that right and she wasn't going to let him bully her into talking about something she had no desire to discuss.
Something her sister Ruth had said boomed in her brain.
“Don't ever put yourself in a position where you are beholden to a man. Do not allow him in formalities and do not ever give him the advantage over your life.”
She could see the truth of her sister's words as Dr. Spaulding refused to leave her alone.
But what if he was just trying to help? She shouldn’t turn that away.
Dear Lord, help me!she silently pleaded. She didn’t know what to think. How she wished she could just simply forget what she had done. Just like she wished she could forget that last night with Jonah.
If Dr. Spaulding kept coming around and looking at her with those eyes! If he acted as though he really cared about her, even though he knew nothing about her. If she could just put the incident out of her mind – which she couldn’t if he kept coming around!
She stood as tall as she could and held her shoulders back. “Dr. Spaulding, you are not my husband. Nor are you of any relation to me in any fashion,” she said with more strength than she felt. “I appreciate what you did for me last week but there is no need for you to continue to come check on me. As you can see, Esther and I are quite well.”
Dr. Spaulding’s face broke out in a wide grin, and he put his head back and laughed. A hearty laugh that resonated from deep in his belly. Lauren felt her cheeks grow warm. His laugh drew the attention of several people walking down the road.
She noticed them sending glances their way.
Grabbing his arm, she pulled him inside the house and closed the door behind them. Turning around, she pressed her back against the door. He continued to grin.
He was already a handsome man but when he smiled, his entire face changed. Why would she notice how handsome he was? She said she would never notice a man again after Jonah. She wouldn’t put another man through living with her as a wife. It didn't matter how handsome he was. She did not want him here.
“I'm glad to see that my presence today has upset you,” he finally said.
