Page 27 of Married By Midnight
“I remember.”
“I owe your father to make sure you don't go down the same path.” Dell rubbed his chest harder.
Sarah put her cup down on the desk. “Dell, I promise that I am not going to drown my sorrow at the bottom of a bottle.”
“No. But there are other ways to do it.”
“Like how?”
“You are taking care of everyone but yourself. Look at the way you dress. You wear brown or black.”
“I'm in mourning.”
“Your hair is wound tighter than a cat with a firecracker on his tail.”
“It keeps it out of my way.”
“You spend hours in this room. Surrounded by the belongings of a dead man.”
“Dell, I think of you as an uncle, but you are dangerously close to me losing my temper.”
“And being on the edge of anger, too. Sarah, honey, I know you are grieving. You need to grieve, not keep it inside. I've not seen you really cry since your family died.”
“I have too much to do. I don't have time to grieve.” She thought about it for a moment. “Besides, I have cried.”
“No, you've not. You have had some crying moments, but you haven't had the big cry. You won't be able to heal until that happens.”
“I don't have time to grieve. I have a farm to run.”
“Sarah, you aren't running the farm. Dusty and Jesse are staying around to help because they love it here.”
“No.” Sarah lifted her finger at him. “They are staying until their next job begins. They get two hot meals a day here, plus lodging. At this point they might as well be train jumpers.”
“Sarah --”
“I don't know why my parents even painted those silly signs on the side of the barn. It is like a beacon to every person looking for a handout. Come to the Abrahams farm. There is a kind lady there. She'll feed you and give you a place to stay. Nothing expected in return.” Sarah could hear the venom in her voice and it even surprised her, but she couldn't stop. “I am running out of supplies. I don't have any way to buy any more right now. I don't even know how I'll feed myself in a few weeks.”
“Sarah, consider selling the farm.”
“No!” She smacked her hand on the table. “My family is buried out back. I won't leave them.”
“Staying isn't going to bring them back.”
“Snyder offered a fair price for the farm. Maybe you should consider talking to him.”
“We are done here.” Sarah pulled out a drawer and started rummaging through it. She put items in a pile for the rubbish heap and those that she wanted to keep. Unfortunately, she wanted to keep everything.
She heard Dell stand. She didn't want to look at him as he left. Her ears burned from shame. Her mother would scold her for the way she just talked to Dell.
She heard his boots scrape against the floorboards.
When she glanced up, he was leaving the room still rubbing his chest. She should have told him to mix some soda in a glass of water for his heartburn.
She listened to the door slam and soon Dell came into view through the window. He was walking slowly towards the barn.
Sarah finished her cup of tea and headed back to the kitchen. As she walked down the hall, she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror.
The woman looking back didn't even look like her. Her skin was dull, and her eyes were lifeless. Dell was right, her hair was twirled way too tight.
