Page 41 of The Widower Without a Will
“No, nothing like that,” Ellen assured him.She stood by his washstand, one hand on its smooth wooden mirror post.Sophia guarded the door while Caroline seated herself on his sofa.
Martin couldn’t remember the last time his children had been in his dressing room.When Lolly was alive, probably.He had the strange urge to usher them out, as if they were intruding on him naked and not properly ashamed.
“We are concerned about you, Papa,” said Ellen, her voice gentle yet firm, no doubt the tone she used to warn her children from foolish ventures.“Caroline told us about the rumors of an intrigue between you and Mrs.Bellamy.I thought for sure it was vicious gossip, but what I saw with my own two eyes alarms me.”
Martin withdrew a dressing robe from his armoire.It was not his favorite—that one lay in wait for him across the foot of his bed—but it gave him some armor as he defended himself.“What on earth could you have seen that alarmed you?”
“Mrs.Bellamy is in love with you.”
The words resounded in his ears, or perhaps that was his heart pounding doubly hard.“Then surely this is a conversation you should be having with her.”
Ellen grew shrill.“Mrs.Bellamy is in love with you, and you haven’t a care for her reputation!”
“Perhaps Papa is in love with her,” Sophia suggested.
Martin’s head spun.Of all his children, Sophia was the one he would expect to understand that his arrangement with Martha need have nothing to do with love.He couldn’t see any reply except: “Of course I am not in love with her.”
“Everyone knows you two are carrying on,” said Caroline.“Mrs.Chow told me she thinks it is wonderful, and she wouldn’t say anything about it if she didn’t know it was absolutely true.”
“Even the mighty Mrs.Chow can be wrong sometimes.”He heard how bitter his words sounded, and he regretted them—of course he did, for not only was he lying, but he was denigrating poor Mrs.Chow as he did so!She had nothing to do with him and Martha; she had very little to do with him and Caroline, for that matter; he wished he were a better man.Since he wasn’t, he added, “It is beyond my imagination that you three would consider this a worthy topic of discussion, much less at this time of night.Let us go to bed and forget about it.”
Ellen jerked away—giving Martin hope that she might heed him—but Sophia remained by the door.“We haven’t anything against you taking a lover, Papa.It’s the manner in which you do it that matters.Mrs.Bellamy has nothing but her reputation to live on.You mustn’t look at her in the middle of an assembly as if you want to tear her clothes off.”
Caroline objected to this with a sound of disgust, and Martin couldn’t help but growl at those words coming from his daughter.
“More importantly,” Ellen said, “you mustn’t make promises you won’t keep to that poor woman.I am quite sure she thinks you will marry her, Papa.”
“Oh yes, if you were to marry her, it wouldn’t matter how you look at her,” Sophia amended, “but as it seems you are behaving like every other man and denying your own sin, you really must have a care.”
“Do you want to marry her?”Caroline asked.
Martin didn’t know how the conversation had gotten so out of hand.“Of course I do not want to marry her.You are letting gossip chase the sense out of your heads.I am a responsible man.I would not take advantage of a poor, lonely widow when she is my guest.What, do you think I have been sneaking into her bedroom at night to ravish her?How can you accuse me of such things?”
He felt physically ill.His hands trembled, his skin grew clammy, and if he had to say another word, he thought he might vomit.
Caroline threw her hands up in the air.“I don’t believe you, Papa!Wedon’t believe you.Maybe when we were younger, we would have swallowed your lie, but we are not children.I really wanted you to admit to it because then, at least, I could go to sleep knowing my father is an honest man.Instead, I just have confirmation of what I already knew.You’re a coward and a liar and you won’t stand up for half the lofty principles you always claim.”Pushing herself to her feet, she snarled at her sisters, “I told you that it wasn’t worth trying,” and barreled out of the room.
Martin counseled himself not to say anything, for he had learned in the past few years that this was the emotional state in which he only said harmful things.
Besides, there was no defense against Caroline’s accusations.
“We are not trying to shame you, Papa,” Sophia said, her voice calm.“We are trying to help you see the situation as others do so that you may make the right decisions.Everyone knows Mrs.Bellamy has lived here alone with you for the past few months.”
“Alone with a dozen servants!”Martin objected.
“You asked her to be your private secretary and have been locking yourself away in the study with her.”
“Only if you mean ‘locking’ euphemistically,” he lied.“Anyone can enter at any time.”
“Leyla told me shedidtry to enter once to take away your lunch tray and that all the doors were locked,” said Ellen quietly.
“Besides,” said Sophia, “you have never needed a secretary before.Like George III, we always said, didn’t we?”
Her words were not a question.Martin summoned a logical defense.“She has been helping me consider a very private matter that I did not want anyone to interrupt.”
Sophia rolled her eyes.“Please, Papa, do not take us for idiots.”
“I am not lying.She has been helping me with my will.Perhaps you can understand why I did not want Leyla or the Chows or anyone else to overhear.”
