Page 46 of The Alpha: Part One
I take a few shuddering breaths. “My knot.”
“What about it? Did I hurt you?”
I feel a small smile pull at my mouth. “No, baby. You didn't hurt me. But I don't think I can let you have my knot. Not yet, anyway. Is that alright?”
“Yes, Seth. That's alright. I don't have to take your knot if that's too much for you.”
All I can do is breathe and nod with my eye screwed shut.
“Do you want to keep going? Do you want to try to finish, or are we trying again later?”
I don't know if I can finish or not, but I want to try. I really do. “I want to try to finish. Having rules helps, asking helps. I'm sorry I ruined it just now.”
She smiles at me and trails her fingertips across my chest and shoulders. “You didn't ruin anything. You did just what I told you to do. You told me when you needed to stop and we stopped. If you want to keep going, all you have to do is let me know when you're ready.”
“Are you playing connect the dots with my freckles?”
She grins and uses one finger to make a direct line between several on my shoulders. “Yes.”
And just like that, I feel like I can breathe again. “Can we keep going? I'm okay now.”
She shifts and slides back down my length without putting pressure on my knot. It isn't that I don't want to grab her hips and push her down until it's as deep inside her as I can get it. Fuck, I want that. I want to know what it feels like to be locked together with her. I want to know how it feels for her to fall asleep in my arms while I'm still inside her. I want it so fucking much. But the closest I've ever come to pushing my knot into someone is before…with Talia… and I just can't get that close again. The damage a knot can do isn't worth the potential pleasure. Maybe someday I'll be able to do it, but until then it has to be like this. Honestly, I'm surprised I still want to try to finish. This is the farthest I've been able to go with another person in years.
“Stop thinking so hard,” she urges. “We'll get through it. It's going to be okay.” She waits for me to nod at her before she starts riding me again. She starts out slow, just like before, but it feels a little different now. She's warmer, wet with even more slick, her body prepared to take my knot.
“I'm sorry,” I whisper again. Then she pinches me. She pinches my left nipple, quick and sharp.
“Stop thinking about your knot. I don't need to take your knot to cum again, and neither do you. You're just supposed to worry about me finishing anyway, not you. Remember?”
“I remember.”
“Good,” she circles her hips, sighing when my head rubs against a good spot.
She starts at a slow pace again, alternating circles and thrusts, gradually moving faster and harder until she's riding me as hard as she can while carefully avoiding my knot. As grateful as I am for that, I still feel guilty. Omegas need knots, and I can't give her mine. I don't know if I'll ever be able to give her mine. They want me as their third, I can't be that for them if I don't mark her, and I can't mark her if I can't knot her.
“Ouch!” I hiss. Desir'ee bit me. Bit my chest. Bit it hard.
“I told you to stop thinking. If you have to think, think about me. Think about this. Think about us. Everything else will fall into place, but right now I want more of you.”
“I'm sorry,” I tell her. “I'm trying. This isn't fair for you.”
She leans in to kiss me. “I'm not complaining.” She goes back to rolling her hips. “Let me worry about what's fair for me. Tell me what you're feeling right now. How do I feel to you?”
“So good, Desir'ee. You feel so good. So warm and soft and tight. You smell so good, like cookies and that mint tea that Jasper likes.” It might be strange to be talking about Jasper right now, but she doesn't bat an eye.
She puts one hand on my shoulder for leverage and grasps her breast with her other hand, pinching and tugging her nipple in time with her thrusts. Soft sounds of pleasure turn more urgent, and when they become frustrated she leans back, moving her hand from my shoulder to my knee. Writhing, undulating, rolling; the way her body moves is hypnotic.
I watch the shape of her, watch her chase her own pleasure with no regard for mine, and find that it's so much better than seeking my own. It's so much better to see and hear Desir'ee take what she wants from me. It allows me to be in the moment with her, but as an instrument instead of an active participant. It's so good, so satisfying, and that feeling of satisfaction unexpectedly burns a path straight to my balls. They tighten, the feeling being elevated by the slick dripping off them and most of my cock being inside her. The hot, electric sensation of an orgasm starts to become overwhelming.
If I'm able to cum while I'm inside her, I might actually pass out. Fuck, this feels so goddamned good. My eye darts between her thighs where I can see my cock shining wetly every time she lifts her hips, my knot angry and swollen and untouched at the base.
I shouldn't have looked. I shouldn't have let myself see. It's too much like what happened before. I hear the whimper leave my throat, but I don't feel it. I know it's Desir'ee fucking me, I know I'm a passive participant in this, I know she wants it; but knowing those things doesn't stop the violent flash of memory from stealing my breath.
Desir'ee's fingers sink into my hair and she jerks my head back, my scalp stinging from the pull. It brings my attention sharply back to her.
“Stay with me,” she purrs. “Stay with me, Seth. You're mine, now. I've got you. Stay with me.” She leans into me, pressing the front of her body against mine, slightly slowing, but not stopping her rocking and grinding. “You feel so good inside me, Seth. Can't you tell how much I love this? It feels so good to ride you. I'm going to cum again, can you tell?”
I can tell.
