Page 42 of The Alpha: Part One
“Of course.”
“Have you always been so anxious?”
“No.” He doesn’t give me more than that. I’ll add that to the list of things I hope to eventually learn about him.
I change into ratty pajama bottoms and one of Benny’s hoodies as soon as I get home and instantly feel much better about life.
“I don’t know how you can stand to wear all that,” Seth laughs. “I’m over here sweating and you put on a damn sweatshirt.”
“You could get more comfortable, you know,” I suggest. “You have shorts, and I won’t complain at all if you don’t wear a shirt.”
He blushes again. I don’t know what I’ll do with myself if he keeps doing that. “I don’t know about all that,” he says, “but I will change into shorts. Want to watch a movie? It sounded good earlier, I just didn’t want to go to a theater.”
“We can watch a movie, but I’m picking it. It’s going to be sappy, so prepare yourself.”
He laughs and digs around in his bag for a change of clothes. “Don’t tell anybody, but I love sappy movies. Be right back.”
Chapter twenty
Desie
Seth emerges from the bathroom wearing a tight black sleeveless undershirt and a pair of cut off sweatpants. He’s trying to kill me. I know it. Like a typical red-head, his shoulders and arms are covered with freckles, he even has a sprinkling on his calves. Seth isn’t exactly lanky, but he’s not beefy like the twins. He’s taller than they are, too, which means I look ridiculous standing next to him.
“Feel better?” I ask, flipping through the movie options and trying my best not to look too hard at what I can and cannot see of him.
Seth sits next to me on the couch and stretches his legs out, his feet disappearing under the coffee table. “Much better. What are we watching?”
I pick the sappiest, steamiest movie I can find, with the most innuendo. Apparently I’m a masochist. Seth doesn’t complain, but he starts fidgeting when the scenes get extra steamy.
One movie turns into two, and two turns into a marathon, and the next thing I know I’m waking up wrapped around Seth’s body with his arms around me and what Ben calls a sleepy boner digging into my side.
I can’t help it, just knowing that he’s hard andright thereand holding me sends fire rushing through me. He wakes up drawing a deep breath and stiffens slightly. Neither of us moves. I don’t know what his reluctance is about, but I want to stay like this with him as long as I can. He feels and smells so good. This is the best and most calm I’ve felt since Michael and Ben left.
He shifts slightly, causing him to press into me a little more, and it’s all I can do to keep from making a sound.
“Are you awake?” he whispers, his voice rough.
“Yes.”
“Are you uncomfortable? I don’t want–”
“No,” I cut in. “Everything about right now feels wonderful. Are you uncomfortable?”
“I don’t think so.” His words come slow and a little stiff.
I don’t say anything else, and neither does he. We lay there not talking or moving for a long while, then he sighs. “I don’t know what to do with you.”
“What do you mean?”
He sighs again. “I want to do things with you, but I know better.”
I don’t know what that means. The fact that he’s here right now should tell him that just about anything he wants to do with me is okay and I tell him exactly that. “I think anything you’d want to do would be a great idea.”
He laughs a little, but it sounds a little sad. “I'm afraid.” Seth says softly, not meeting my eyes.
Afraid. Other than the twins, I’ve never met an alpha who admitted to being afraid, and the only thing they've ever said they were afraid of is losing me. They walked into an actual raging fire just this morning without flinching, they do it every year without a hint of hesitation; but they're actively and admittedly terrified of losing me. Seth hasn't known me long enough to have that fear.
I push the wavy, red hair back from his forehead, urging him to look at me. He turns his face up, a little paler than usual, but he doesn't open his eye. Okay. Lifting up to straddle him, I comb my fingers through his hair while I think back on every conversation I've had with him. Something truly terrible happened to him at some point, that much is obvious; I just don't know what it could be. He lost his pack, but whatever is destroying Seth from the inside is worse than that. He can talk about losing his pack, he can't talk about whatever the terrible thing is. He could barely function during and after my heat. It's got to be something in relation to that. Maybe he lost his omega when he lost his pack, or maybe he lost his pack because of something that happened to their omega.
