Page 17 of The Beta: Part Three
I'm nodding, but I still don't know what he's getting at. I'm trying, though.
“Nathan's sister, Lotus, is a good example.”
“Oh god, don't make me think about sweet, little Lotus,” I interrupt. Lotus is just seventeen. She's not old enough to be officially claimed, and she's certainly not old enough to be marked, but she sure as fuck already has a pack. And they're all older than I am. Nathan was proud of her for making them fight for it, but I was pretty horrified to see three big, mature alphas pin her to the floor during a meet and greet for omegas. I trained under one of them, for fuck sake.
We went because two of Nathan's sisters were there to be introduced to a few packs and we wanted to make sure they would be treated right. Which gives me yet another reason to feel like a piece of shit. If anybody treated one of Nathan's sisters even remotely close to how we treated Talia, they'd have to answer to us. We did the exact thing we were trying to protect Nathan's sisters from. Fuck.
“That's exactly my point, Devon. Sweet little Lotus needed her pack to physically prove that they were worthy of her. She made themmakeher submit. She even broke one of their noses. Some omegas are like that, especially the females. Female omegas can be vicious, a lot more vicious than the males.”
“I don't know, Jasper. Don't you think Talia's had enough alphas try to force her submission? I hope that's not what she needs from me because I don't want to do that.” Just the idea of forcing Talia to submit to me makes me feel a little sick.
“That's not what I mean. The reason Lotus needed her alphas to make her submit to them is something personal and instinctual. She needed them to prove that they were able to handle her at her most volatile state, which is also, funnily enough, her most vulnerable state. Maybe Talia needs something like that from you. How do you not know this?”
“Alpha training is different from omega training, I guess. We're taught the basics, and that omegas are to be cherished and protected. How their instincts work isn't really addressed.” Now that I'm thinking about it, that's pretty fucked up. We're supposed to care for our omegas, and ensure their health, safety, and happiness, but we're not taught about their instincts, or that they need special tea and vitamins. “I'm not making Talia submit to me. I hope that's not what she needs from me. I won't do it.” What I don't tell him is that I might not be able to do it on my own. If this afternoon is anything to go by, it would likely take me, Kaleb, and probably Trent to get it done, and we'd be hard pressed to do it. I won't even consider Nathan, he wouldn't force her to do a fucking thing. He had a hard enough time just being rude to her in the beginning.
“No, you're right. I don't think she needs you to force her to submit. But she does need something more from you than she needed from anybody else. You've just got to figure out what it is.”
~
“You should take her on a date.” Jasper looks so happy with his suggestion, which would be a great one if I thought she'd actually go anywhere with me when he finds me later on that same day..
“Jasper, baby, that is a great idea but I don’t think Talia would like that.”
“Why not? You can both dress up and she would love a night out.”
“She may have wanted me while she was in heat, and she may be giving me small bits of affection, but that doesn’t mean she’ll let me take her on a date.” And then it hits me exactly how long it has been since I’ve taken Jasper on a date.
I can’t believe I allowed myself to be buried so deep in responsibilities and preparations for the future that I let myself turn into the kind of alpha I hate. The kind that leaves the needs of his omega and pack on the sidelines. And then it hits me, I’ve become my father.
My father is a great man. He holds his position as a councilman based on his actions, not because he inherited the seat. He leads the COT with a level head and heart. It is these things that make him a great man, a great councilman, but a poor father and an occasionally lacking alpha.
He was always working when I was younger. If we had familial problems, we took them to one of my mother’s other alphas. Most packs are like Talia’s, with every alpha being considered a father figure, but the pack I grew up in was stiff and awkward. I knew from a young age who my father was and wasn’t, and that my father was too busy for me or my mother. Sure, he made sure we had all we needed, but he was emotionally absent. My mother’s other alphas took her out for dinner or movies; my father only ever attended council functions with her on his arm. I don’t remember him sitting on the sidelines for a single ballgame. He was a provider and a protector, but he wasn’t a partner or a father. I swore I wouldn’t do that, wouldn’t be that; but here I am, doing just that.
Kaleb has had to pick up so much of my slack. Trent and Nathan also give Jasper way more of that kind of time than I do. I feel awful enough about Jasper, and now with Talia as a second omega … I have to do better. I can't be like my father. They have to know that they're more than just a designation, Talia especially.
“I don't know, Jasper. I haven't even taken you on a date in way too long. I'm sorry for that. I haven't been what I needed to be on so many fronts.”
Jasper rolls his eyes. “I'm alright. You watch movies with me. And, no offense or anything, your idea of a fun time with clothes on is very different from mine. I'm fairly confident that both you and Talia have the same opinion on what a fun date would be.”
He isn't wrong about most of that. Kaleb is very good at taking Jasper on Jasper-themed dates. They enjoy the same things, fancy things. Things like plays and ballets and poetry readings. I would rather go to a loud, dirty bar with loud dirty music, or go to a game or a fight. I've taken Jasper to plays, I've even enjoyed them, but it isn't my natural habitat.
Talia would hate all that too. Hell, she’d probably hate all the fuss that omegas get. The parties, treats, packs vying for her attention. She just isn’t wired like Jasper or most other omegas. Talia would have probably done everything in her power to get out of all of it, omega status or not. She has that in common with me. I'll never complain about the fuss or function, though. Not really. If I hadn't attended those functions I wouldn't have Jasper.
“Jasper, I can't take Talia to bars and ballgames. If her parents found out that I was taking their daughter with a brand new omega designation out to rowdy bars and boxing rings, they'd be less than thrilled.”
“Marcus would love it. And nothing any of us do, including me, will ever be good enough for Elizabet. She might make a fuss over us and all that, but none of us will ever be good enough for Talia. Well,” he looks to the side at the stairs, “Corso might have a shot at being good enough. Maybe even Reid. But the rest of us don't stand a chance at her approval.”
“You're wrong. Elizabet thinks you're wonderful.”
Jasper sighs. “Take Talia out somewhere. Just you and her. Be charming.”
“I don’t know. I’ll think about it.”
Jasper rolls his eyes and clucks his tongue. “If you take her on a date, you can spend time with her, just the two of you. Without me or anybody else around. She’s only seen the version of you that is focused on the pack, or me. She needs to see and experience the version of you that isn’t that. You need to show her how you can be, how you want to be. Not how you have to be. I think that may be what she needs, to see that you can be more than just an alpha.”
He struts off toward the stairs where we've been listening to Corso draw the most wonderful sounds from her for the past hour. The unofficial door-open policy in our pack is both a blessing and a curse. A blessing because open doors are usually open invitations; but a curse because we can't spend our lives fucking no matter how enjoyable that would be. So, while I can sit down here and listen to Corso, and now Jasper, wring pleasure from Talia like it's his mission in life, I'd better serve my pack by calling my father and have the conversation I've been putting off for literal years.
Alex and Trent are in the garage when I get there. It's a big area, big enough for three vehicles plus Talia'sclassic. It will be a classic by the time I'm finished with it. It'll be gorgeous. I started working on it right after Daniel drove it back to the farmhouse when I brought her back. After I sent her away. Jesus, I'll never make any of this up to her. I can restore her car, I can give her time, I can take her on fucking dates, I could worship the very air she breathes for the rest of my life and it still wouldn't make up for how goddamned horrible I was.
