Page 62 of The Beta: Part Two
Panic seizes me. I don't want to leave this house that is saturated with the scents of my alphas. I don't want to go to a place where they've never been. Talia said we'd get them back, but I can't leave here without them. My breath starts moving in and out of my lungs too fast and I feel tears begin to stream from my eyes. “Please,” I whisper, “please don't make me. I can't leave without them.”
Reid drags me into his lap and folds his arms around me. His purr intensifies to almost a growl, and Corso's slightly higher pitched vibration joins it to create a sound that makes it easier for me to breathe.
“We're going to get them back, princess. You and me,” Talia flows into the room, stark determination in her wake. “I know where they fucking are. They're at the compound Nathan tracked that Mitchell asshole's car to. Nathan's got all kinds of techy shit in the security room. Alex is in there right now with one of my mother's guys packing up all kinds of useful stuff we're going to need. We need to get some stuff from a couple other places, and you have to have some rest...”
I start to interrupt her. I couldn't possibly rest. I want to go get them right this fucking second.
“No buts, Jasper. We need time to get our shit together, make a plan, and coordinate with my father and my brother's pack. Probably the Dennison Pack, too, believe it or not. Then we're going. We're getting them back and bringing them home. Then we'll get Devon home and everything will be alright. It will.”
How can I do anything but believe her? She's very much like Devon in that regard. She decides something is happening and it just does. The rogues who took my,our, alphas don't stand a chance against Talia's stubborn determination. And Devon wouldn't dare to die or take too long healing after she told him to hurry the fuck up so he could get back home to me. I'll just have to be in shock later. Apparently, I have too much to do right now and I won't have time to be in shock.
Talia has two of Devon's shirts. She shoves one at me. “Put this on. I sent one of yours with him in the van. He's not awake, but he'll still smell you and it will help him pull through. You're going into shock, we have to combat it as best we can. I want to let you float away for a while, Jasper. I really do. But we don't have the luxury of time right now. I need you to be aware. I need you pissed off. Can you be angry for me, princess?”
I let Corso help me change out my shirt for Devon's and give Talia a slow nod. “I can be angry. I'm just lost right now. And scared. I can't feel them. I just want them back.” I'm trying so hard not to cry, but I can hear my voice quivering despite my effort.
Talia's dress is ruined. Devon's blood is smeared across the front from where she settled him into the medic van. There's a smudged handprint on her forearm, too. She's too worried about me to notice any of it, though. I know she's worried about the alphas, too. I know she's afraid. I can smell it. But she isn't letting it take her over. I'm trying, but I just can't do that. “I wish I could be like you.”
“No, you don't. I'm a mess right now.”
“You're stronger than me. I'm barely holding it together.”
“Stop it, Jasper. Right now. The only reason I'm not falling apart now is because I've been a beta my entire life. Good betas do not fall apart. I have learned how to deal with things first and fall apart later. Believe me, I will fall to pieces the second we get everyone safe. The very moment I know without doubt that they are safe and I can see that every single one of them is okay with my own eyes, I will shatter. But not until they're safe. It's one of the many perks of being a beta.”
She kneels down in front of me beside Corso and rests her chin on my knee. “We're going to bring them home. I know you're hanging on by a thread, but you're strong, Jasper. You're not just an omega. You'remyomega. And we're going to bring our alphas home.”
I was pretty useless while they all carried boxes of Nathan's gadgets and gear with every weapon in the house to Reid's truck. The bed is packed full and everything's securely covered with a tarp. Somehow a lot of the boxes we packed full of our clothes and things got loaded up into Kaleb's truck. Alex is driving it, following us to the manor that is now home even though I've never been inside it.
Intellectually, I know Corso, Reid, and Alex are my pack; that they're supposed to be my alphas. But I don'tfeelthem. I don't have a physical bond with them. And being separated from the alphas I do have a physical bond with is making me focus too much on the feeling that I'm alone.
I don't know what to do for it. The original plan was for me to take a mark similar to what betas take when they're accepted into a pack, but that was before my alphas were ripped away from me. I can feel my bond with Devon, weak and flickering. All I can feel from my bonds with the others is that they aren't dead. The connection is so thin.
I've never been separated from them. I know what happens to omegas who are separated from their alphas. That's why Talia left with Corso. Omegas do not do well if they are forced away from their alphas. It is a fast and steep decline. It took less than a week for me to become a shell after Talia left. How long will it take before I start reacting to losing all four of my alphas at once? How long will it take for me to shut down?
Not that I think Talia will let me shut down. She's on her phone right now with whoever it is, planning rendezvouses and making supply and weapon checklists. Every now and then she fusses over me. Kissing me. Holding my hand. Finger-combing my hair. Telling me she's making just one more call. I know it's necessary, but I just want to crawl into her lap and let her rock me. I don't care how weak and selfish that makes me.
“That's fine. We'll be an hour getting to the manor, then we'll need three more before we're ready for you and Daniel to call...Yeah, I agree, the earlier, the better...She will? I'll call her after I get Jasper home...I'm fine, I just need to get him home and take care of him for a bit...Thank you...I love you, too.” She ends the call, and turns sideways to put her feet up in the seat. She reaches her arms out to me, and I crawl into them.
I lay in Talia's arms and bury my nose in the crook of her neck. She's softly purring and rubbing my back, and I've never been so glad to have her as I am right now. She’s holding me together. “I know it’s hard, princess, but try to rest until we get to the manor. I’ve got you,” she whispers into my hair.
I burrow into her sweet cinnamon coffee scent and try to lose myself in it, if only for a little while.
It feels like I’ve only just closed my eyes when the truck stops.
“We’re home, handsome,” Talia says softly and kisses my temple. “I know you’re not going to be up for a full tour right now, there will be plenty of time for that later. Let’s just get you inside and I’ll show you your room. Then we’ll raid the kitchen.”
I start to tell her that I don’t feel very much like eating, but she shushes me. “You don’t have to do more than have a snack, but you have to have one. I need you strong for what we have planned. I mean it, Jasper. No shutting down. I need you with me.”
All I can do is nod. I’m not shutting down. Not yet, anyway. But I can feel the distance between me and my alphas, and it’s eating up more and more of me. She holds her hand up to me to help me out of the truck, and a pinch of guilt tugs at me.
Talia has onlyjustcome out of one of the most intense experiences an omega can have. The first heat is overwhelming. Coming out of it is almost even more overwhelming than being in the throws of it. Add to it that she was marked and claimed without consent? She should be as deep in her nest as she can possibly get right now, curled up in soft blankets and me. Instead, she’s making battle plans and helping me out of the truck like I really am a fucking princess.
“What’s spinning around in your head, Jasper?” She’s eyeing me, weighing me. Like she might know the level of self pity and self doubt I’m trying hard not to plummet into.
I link my fingers with hers and let my gaze roll over the house she calls the manor. It is a manor, I guess. It isn’t as big as the ridiculous mansion I grew up in, but it is a far cry from anything I’d call a house. It’s probably ten times the size of the farmhouse. And there’s a fountain in the front. “Are there fish in there?”
“No.”
“Oh.”
