Page 33 of The Beta: Part Two
I sigh, probably a little too dramatically. “I don't want to be an omega. Being a beta is so much easier. I want to take care of you, and help you take care of your pack. Now I have to take care of an alpha who is apparently more moody than both of us together. I don't know how to do this. The sex, the heat, all of that, is bad enough. But I don't want to walk around on eggshells any more than I already have to.”
Jasper brings my fingertips to his mouth and kisses them, “I know. It's going to be alright. Nathan said they have an idea, and if it's good enough for him to mention then it's good enough to work. I was an ass just now, I knew Corso would feel what you felt; but I don't want to share you any more than he does. I'll have to apologize for my pettiness.”
I want to tell him that an apology isn't necessary, but it is. Maybe I owe him an apology, too. I was so angry that I had to feel him through the bond that I didn't think about it going both ways.
“Five minutes, I want to hold you for five more minutes before I have to go face the rest of my life,” I drag him down to lay next to me and rest my head on his chest.
As much as I want to cuddle Jasper and pretend that's what my life will continue to revolve around, I can't ignore the foreign input trickling in from Corso. My anger and hurt are equally matched with his shame and determination. Nathan was right to remind me of my true opinion of Corso. He is good. That is why I left him, because he deserved better than a beta. He deserved an omega that could give him what he really needs and would be able to freely love him the way he deserves to be loved.
I did love Corso, I will always love Corso. I loved him enough to walk away from him because I wasn’t what he needed, and I love him enough to push through this turmoil to give him what he needs now. Back then, if I’m really honest with myself, I was afraid that I would always love him more than he could ever love me. I’ve seen betas pine for alphas for years, grasping at scraps of attention and affection from those alphas. Those betas spent so much of their lives settling and I didn’t want that for myself or for Corso. I didn’t want him to settle for me when I wasn’t able to give him everything he deserved. But now I can; I can give him all the things I wanted for him when I left him. The epiphany thunders through me, making my heart beat louder in my chest and I gasp.
“What? What's wrong?” Jasper raises up to look over me.
“Nothing. I love you, I've said it to you a few times, but I need you to understand what it means for me. If I love you now, I will always love you. You will always be my heart. Understand, princess?” I ask, I need him to know that his place will never be usurped, that I will love him in the face of any other thing that happens.
He touches my cheek and lowers his lips for a kiss, “I know. Do you understand that I love you that same way?”
Maybe, I think I do.
It's difficult for me to truly accept it, but I nod anyway. Even if I don't fully get it now, I know he'll spend the rest of our lives together showing me.
“I need to talk to you about Corso,” I say, pushing him back down onto the pillow so I can resume my very necessary cuddling. “I met him and his pack when I was eighteen, when my mother was determined to present me to as many good alphas as she could. I liked him immediately, he looked at me like I was a person, not a potential baby factory or just another designation. I got along with Reid and Alex, too; and the four of us grew to be friends. More than friends, actually. I fell hard for Corso, he was my first for everything. I spent a few months with his pack, but I felt like I was keeping them from what they really needed, which was an omega to complete them. I felt selfish trying to keep them for myself when they would be better met with an omega who could strengthen them and fill in their gaps.” I take a few breaths to center myself before I continue this history.
“So I left and started spending time with other packs, trying to find a place where I could just be part of something. After everything with Seth's pack, Corso is who came to get me. I didn't tell him what happened, he heard about it from one of the betas in Seth's pack and he came to the compound in a full rage. He hauled me out of that shit hole so fucking fast, I thought he was angry with me until he got me in his truck. He cried, Jasper, he actually cried. For me. I didn't even cry for me. I stayed with him for a few months, but I had to leave when he started talking about our future again.
“He wanted years and years with me, and I couldn't let him waste his life like that. Alex and Reid were just as bad, they had a whole life planned with me and it would have been wrong for me to rob them of something better. I ripped my own heart out and left them. I kept in contact, but I didn't see him again until the auction a few months ago.”
Jasper is quiet for a while but eventually he blows out a breath, “that's...Talia, that's a lot. Maybe, oh god, maybe this is going to be more okay than I thought. I don't know what they've decided the best course of action is, but what if we could find a way for it to be okay for us to have each other and for you to also have Corso and his pack? I don't want to sound like a spoiled brat, but I love having you and my alphas so much, it's such a perfect balance. Do you think you could handle that? Sharing like that?”
I do. Fuck me, but I do. “Do you think you could handle it? I don't know what it would look like. I can't go weeks and months without you, and I already know I won't be able to go long without Corso because of the bond thing. Do you think that amount of sharing would be too much for you? For us? Do you thinkwecan handle it?”
He jumps up, green eyes bright with excitement, “I really do. I think we can do this. The only issue is my pack. We were going to talk to you about bonding you into the pack after your heat broke. They aren't going to want to give you up, especially now that they've had a taste of you.”
My face falls, that is exactly what I didn't want.
“No, no, don't look like that,” Jasper rushes, “I meant it in a good way, I want to share you with them. I fantasize about it. You have no idea. Jesus, Talia, the way we fucked you for the last few days, fuck. And that brings me to the next suggestion you might not like right now. You pretty much wrecked Trent and Nathan. Hell, you went through three alphas plus me like we were water. I think you need more than the four alphas in my pack. I think you might need all seven of the alphas in this house, especially if they're going to be able to walk afterwards. I don't know how that might work, exactly, but I think it's worth putting on the table.”
“Oh my god, Jasper. You make me sound like a raging slut,” I hiss, covering my face, and he laughs at me.
“You're an omega, you're supposed to be a raging slut. I am, without doubt, a raging slut.”
That doesn't make me feel any better, but the bits of the past few days that I can remember are enough to make my insides tighten hotly so maybe he's right. Fine, I can be a raging slut for a week out of every fucking month, if my family history is anything to go by.
Then I have a sobering thought, “I really can't have all of your alphas and have Corso's pack, too; no matter how much of a slut I am. That isn't fair to you.”
Jasper rolls his eyes, “our, Talia, our. They're our alphas. I don't care that Corso marked you, you're still being bonded into my pack and he can kiss my ass. I don't think he'd want to, though. His pack has never shown any interest in me outside of being friendly at events. That might work, though. I don't think I want to juggle any more alphas than I already am. You could be like a link between the two packs. I think they might even go for something like that.”
They might.
I don't think I want to deal with seven fucking alphas all the time, though. Just handling the four that don't belong to me yet is irritating sometimes.
“Well,” I chirp, pulling us up off the bed, “there's only one way to find out. Let's get dressed and go join the discussion at the grown-up table.”
I'm perfectly content to wear Jasper's shirt and a pair of his boxers into the kitchen, but Jasper decreed that it would ruin the apology he's determined to make. So, I text Kaleb, who I still haven't fucked, to ask him to grab me something to wear from my room.
Jasper decides the best thing for him to wear is a pair of cut off jean shorts that will keep me staring at the skin above the well-worn waistband. I'm pretty sure he picked them on purpose, because if I can't stop staring at him I know his alphas won't be able to, either. Alex and Reid will most likely enjoy ogling him, too. Hell, even Corso will probably let his eyes wander.
Kaleb taps on the door a few minutes later and brings in a pair of my own cut off shorts and a red tank top. My shorts are significantly shorter than Jasper's, coming just an inch or two past my ass cheeks. I shoot him an exasperated sigh, “are you trying to make things worse?”
