Page 3 of The Beta: Part Two
And that is what I'm having trouble with.
I would run into those woods with a smile a hundred times to keep Jasper safe, but I do not know how to exist as an omega. I don't know how to behave or react as an omega. I can feel the changes happening inside of me. I can actually feel them, and it is unnerving.
Those changes, and the way they're forcing me to rebuild how I see the world around me, is what I'm having trouble with and my mother would never understand that. It's been happening slowly over the past weeks, I've just been in willful denial. Now that it is official and no longer unavoidable, I'm being bombarded by all the things that I refused to acknowledge.
Things like the abrasive material these sheets are made of. I want to shove them away from me and into the nearest incinerator, but then I wouldn't have anything between me and the mattress I just know will feel much worse than the sheets.
A nurse brought in samples of scented oils that mimic popular alpha scents I might find relaxing, but they were all horrid; one even made me gag. The nothing I smell in this room is better than any of those scents. I can hide in the nothing. With enough effort I may even be able to lose myself in it.
The little omega doctor comes in with a phone to her ear and a very nervous, twitchy smile. “Yes, Mister Graves, your daughter is healing very well, and much quicker than we anticipated considering her injuries… No, they aren't here with her, you are the first person she has allowed us to call… No, sir, I don't know, maybe you can talk some sense into her… No, sir, I would never insinuate something like that, she just isn't interested in contacting anyone else… Okay, I'm with her now, I'm giving her the phone.”
I thought it would be like any other phone call I've had with him, but I'm suddenly so overcome by a wave of uncertainty and sadness that I have to swallow twice around the lump in my throat before I can speak.
“Daddy?” I haven't called him that since I was a little girl, I don't know why it came out now.
“I'm here, my girl. How are you holding up?”
I choke on a sob at the sound of his voice. I have to pull myself together, I can't allow myself to become this weak. “I'm okay. Really. Things are just changing. Don't put mom on the phone, you tell her I'm alright. She'll listen to you.”
I hope he understands and remembers that he's talking to me, and that I'm still the daughter he trained to be strong enough to handle anything instead of the living, breathing emotional outburst I probably sound like.
I can picture him rubbing his forehead with his thumb and forefinger like he does when he wants me to do things his way, “Talia, why isn't Devon's pack with you? I can't imagine they'd let you be there unprotected to deal with all this alone. Why don't you want to call them?”
Hearing my father confirm that I'm alone plummets me into the chasm of turmoil I've been trying to avoid and it takes me a few moments to claw my way out of it. “They don't know I've changed. I am only now trying to accept it. Mom was right, I'm an omega after all, and I don't know how to be one. I don't know what triggered it, probably Jasper somehow. He's the only thing I want, and now I can't have him. It's worse than being a beta in love with an omega, Daddy, so much worse. Two omegas can't work, and he already has a pack. I can't be part of that, and they aren't interested in having me join them long-term. I don't know what to do, how to be. Everything feels like nothing and I want to be nothing, too. I'm not crazy, I promise. I just want to disappear.” My voice sounds small and afraid even to my ears.
The doctor is looking at me like I'm a lost puppy she found in the rain, but my father's voice when he replies is laced with cool violence. “Talia, my darling, there is no way one of them didn't suspect something, at the very least. I spoke with your brother a few days ago when you still hadn't returned any calls or texts. He told me you were having heat spikes when you were visiting him, and that was weeks ago. Call them. Get them there. They will help you through this.”
I know he means well, but his words hurt. Calling Jasper's pack here won't do a thing but upset Jasper. I'm still outwardly damaged and I can't move without feeling the tears inside of me pulling. “They're not my pack. I'm not their omega. Jasper is their omega, and the situation will just distress him. You wouldn't let anything upset mom the way this would upset Jasper. I'm going to see if the doctor can get me on some powerful suppressants and hopefully push through long enough to get away from here. You should contact Nathan, though. By now he has visual IDs on the rogues, I ran them right by every camera in the woods. You can find them.”
The doctor's expression tightens at the suggestion of suppressants but she doesn't say anything.
My father is just as impressed with the suggestion as she is.“I know you're later coming into yourself than we ever thought you would be, but I didn't raise my daughter to be a runner. You are a fighter, Talia, and you will persevere in this like every other thing you've conquered. There is a reason it happened while you were with Devon's pack. What do you think it will do to Jasper if you just disappear altogether? How would that be better than facing what could potentially be a very positive thing?”
He's right, of course, but this is one time I don't think I can bounce back from the rejection.
“You're right, I'll call them. I'm really tired now. It made me feel a lot better to talk to you. Please tell mom I'm alright and I'll call her as soon as I'm up to it. Don't let her worry.” I try to sound more solid than I feel.
“I won't. I'll tell her you'll be in touch. Stay strong, my girl.”Then he ends the call, and I feel cold darkness circle around me just a bit tighter.
I don't put the phone in the doctor's hand when she reaches for it, I wait until I have her full attention before I tell her what I need. “I'm going to allow you to call Devon Johnson. You do not have permission to tell him, or anyone else, that I am an omega. You may not give him permission to come here, or bring his omega here. You can tell him that I am awake and how I am healing. I do not want him or any member of his pack to know any more than that.”
She gives me a single nod and I give her the phone.
She calls while she's in the room, and puts the call on speaker phone. Devon picks up and I can hear the anxiety in his tone. “Yes, Alpha Johnson. I'm calling with an update about Miss Graves. She is awake and her injuries are healing quickly. There is no sign of infection or illness.”
Devon interrupts,“when can I bring Jasper to see her?”
She looks at me and I shake my head, “unfortunately, Miss Graves isn't ready for visitors just yet. We need to make sure she's emotionally stable enough to tolerate visitors. I'll be happy to give you a call when she's cleared for visitation.”
“Can Jasper speak with her? He's very worried. If he could hear for himself that she's awake and well it would help him to calm down.”
I can hear Jasper fussing in the background and I can't ignore it. This time when she looks at me for approval I nod and say, “put it on speaker, Devon.”
He doesn't say anything to me, doesn't ask me how I am.
Then I hear Jasper, “Talia? Are you there? Are you alright?”
Something in my chest tightens at the same time as something else eases up. “I'm here, Jasper. I'm alright. Stop worrying.”
