Page 30 of The Fun Part
My chest puffs out. It’s kinda nice to hear. But let’s be logical.
“Won’t our serious relationship make her mad?” I ask.
“If it does, then we’ll end the pretend relationship. If it doesn’t, then I’ll call her on her matchmaking. She hates to upset Dad, and he takes solemn promises seriously. It’s a matter of honor. Here’s what we’ll do—”
“Hold on.” I let the solemn-promise-to-Dad thing slide, even though the lawyer in me thinks she should’ve had that solemn promise made directly to her. Instead I focus on an advantageous loophole. “What do I get out of this pretend serious relationship?”
“No sex.”
“Did I say sex?”
“No sex.”
“Damn.”I miss you. Ah, hell. I do miss her. And it’s not just about sex, but at the same time I miss that part too.
Sometimes I dream about her, which I will admit only if she admits she misses me because pride. I have some.
She turns onto the highway and accelerates at a moderate pace. She drives cautiously. I get the feeling that’s how she lives her life. Except for the night of our first hookup when she peeled out of the parking lot, I’m guessing due to her eagerness to be with me. I smile to myself. That was a wild night. My mind drifts once again to the moment her dress fell to the floor.
“Here’s what you’ll get out of it,” she says.
I snap back to reality. “Yeah?”
“I’ll pay for our dates and throw in one Sunday family dinner so you can have more of Dad’s cooking. I’ll ask him to make his famous beef stew with fresh-baked sourdough. It’s to die for.”
“I don’t need you to pay, and as much as I like good food, this isn’t about seeing more of your family. Your mom invites me to Sunday dinner every week.”
“See?”
I go in for the big win. “This plan hinges on us being seen together in public, but I don’t think that will prove anything.Everyone will think we’re just friends. Hailey’s daughter showing the new guy around town.”
She’s quiet for a moment.
Victory lap coming up.Never negotiate with a lawyer.
“Okay,” she says, “we’ll havesomepublic displays of affection.”
“Are we talking three, four gestures per date? Give me the scope ofsome.”
She smiles. “You really sound like a lawyer.”
“Thank you.”
“I went on a date with a lawyer I met in a bar once. He was so-o-o boring.”
I’m sensing an insult here, so I go on the offensive. “Seeing as how we already hooked up, I don’t think the affection thing will work.”I’ll want more.
“Why not? It’s easy—hold hands, arm around the shoulders, just smile at me a lot, okay? And I’ll gaze at you like you set the moon.”
“So no kissing.”
“Probably best not to, don’t you think?”
She’s awfully cheerful about not kissing me considering she was all over me in bed for a week. And very enthusiastic about it, too. My pride dwindles a bit. I really would like to at least kiss her.
“I think this sounds like a terrible plan.” A torturous, terrible plan. Before I can figure out how to request time spent with her in a non-fake way on a few occasions, not too many, but some, she ups the ante.
“I’ll help bring your sister to town to work for me, thereby ending her bad relationship.”
