Page 64 of Royal Darling
I finish the crisps and the dregs of tequila, and then I sit and stare at nothing, numb, empty, not a note in my head. I’m gutted. Bloody hell.
I collapse into bed. Happy Christmas to me.
Emma
I’m completely numb. Jackson’s abrupt departure shocked me, and then I shut down, unable to handle one more upset. I made it through Christmas, being as pleasant as possible to my family, though I couldn’t manage even a polite smile. Mother and I have worked around each other. And by that I mean she has pretended I don’t exist, and I have done the same. Why focus on a lost cause? I spent most of Christmas listening to a matronly aunt prattle on about me as a little girl.
Now it’s the day after Christmas, and I need to go. I don’t know where. I just know I cannot stay here. I feel useless in the new order of palace life. I pack a suitcase with my new wardrobe. I can’t go back to Italy with the memories of Jackson there. Maybe I’ll go to the US and visit Silvia and her husband. She did ask me to visit.
I consider my guitar and decide against it. It’s too soon. It will only remind me of Jackson. His gravelly voice, the warmth in his eyes, his fingers on mine, guiding me to the right notes. At first I blamed Jackson’s leaving on my mother’s rude dismissal of him; then I blamed it on my fight with her, driving him away. That is what his note referred to, but maybe it was as simple and cold-blooded as him simply wanting my money. He had the diamond ring and there was nothing more he wanted or needed from me. Maybe it was all of the above. I have no way of knowing since he left without a goodbye. The bastard. All I have is that stupid note. I don’t know where he lives. I don’t have his number. I thought there’d be more time to work something out.
I gaze out the window, staring at the sea. He’s probably on his boat somewhere back on his solo holiday that I interrupted. I was an inconvenience he could no longer tolerate. Dark despair seeps through every cell of my being, leaving me utterly drained. A lifetime of keeping a stiff upper lip kicks in, and I force myself to face facts. I am me with or without him. Maybe I’ll discover even more cool things about myself. I’ll have new experiences on my own. I’ll still sing. Maybe I’ll take piano lessons instead of guitar.
One foot in front of the other.
Always moving forward.
I grab my phone to text Silvia about a visit when there’s a knock at my bedroom door. My heart pounds, my nerves jangling, my stomach fluttering. Maybe it’s Jackson. Maybe he came back to me. “Come in!”
The door opens to Lina, and my shoulders droop in disappointment. Ridiculous.Stop imagining he’ll suddenly realize he made a mistake and run back to you.
Lina bows her head and does a quick curtsy. “Your Highness, the queen requests you see her in her sitting room immediately.”
My mind flashes to Anna and her new pregnancy. “Is she okay?”
“I believe so, ma’am.”
I let out a breath of relief. “I’ll be with her shortly.”
“She says it’s urgent, ma’am.”
Heart in my throat, I head toward the door. Maybe there’s a problem with the baby. She might not have confided it to the servants. I race upstairs to Anna and Gabriel’s suite, praying that it’s not what I fear.
I’m quickly shown inside and stop short.
My mother and Anna are seated at a round table set for tea in the sitting room. I immediately sense a trap. Worse, I sense they’re a united front and I’m the odd person out.
“What is this?” I ask.
Anna smiles. “Have a seat.”
I cross my arms, refusing to look at my mother. “She doesn’t want me here.”
“I want you here,” Anna says in an unusually stern tone. “Now please have a seat before I drag you over by the hair.” She smiles pleasantly.
I eye her. She’s bigger than me, and I don’t really want to do any defensive moves against my pregnant sister-in-law. I comply, taking the seat on Anna’s other side. “Will anyone else be joining us?”
“Just us,” Anna says brightly. “Now we are going to enjoy some tea, and then we are going to fix this.” She signals to her maid, who immediately sets about pouring tea for each of us. Anna thanks her and dismisses her.
“Really, Anna, this is completely unnecessary,” my mother says. “There’s nothing to fix.”
Anna narrows her eyes. “Do not even pretend there’s nothing wrong between you and Emma. I wanted to fix this yesterday, but I needed to wait because Emma was dealing with another low blow with Jackson’s departure.”
“I say good riddance,” my mother says, looking at her nails.
My hands form fists. So callous to my pain. Has she ever cared about my feelings?
“With all due respect,” Anna says to my mother, “that was incredibly rude. Emma adores that man, and you don’t need to be so cold about it.”
