Page 52 of Mess With Me
“You let me into your private sanctuary,” she whispered as it hit her how special his dates really were. And she’d not been quiet in his peaceful sanctuary at all.
He didn’t respond; instead his hand went to her bare back, slowly sliding up and down, heating her and bringing a delicious shiver.
“I hope I didn’t disturb your communing with nature,” she said.
“No, you added to it.” He cupped her jaw with his free hand, his other hand splayed on her back. “We clear now?”
Her heart fluttered madly. “So this is casual, right?” she blurted. “Like friends with benefits?”
He removed his hands from her body and she immediately felt the loss. “I don’t have women friends,” he said through his teeth.
She parked a hand on her hip. “What about Cali and Mad?”
“Partner and like a sister. You know I grew up with Mad.” His eyes were locked on hers, studiously avoiding her topless state. “Now are we good?”
She wrung her hands together. “Eth, I have a terrible track record with men. I just jump in and—”
“You already told me about your love life. Four years with Dean, quickly engaged to Mark.” His eyes were hard and direct. “You’ve been messing around with the wrong men, that’s all.”
“But that’s just it. I don’t mess around. I know I was only with Mark for six weeks, but we were almost married. I’m pretty much a long-term monogamist, and now I’m trying to take things slow, figure out what will make me happy, you know, like you said, find my purpose. I don’t want to—”
“I wouldn’t call running away from the altar after a six-week relationship a sign of a long-term monogamist.”
She narrowed her eyes. “Why do I hear a judgy tone, Mr. Judgy McJudgy Pants.”
He flashed a smile before getting serious. “Sorry, it’s just that you seem to dive in with gusto, like with this movie star assistant thing, your single me, happy me thing, but with guys, I think you’re skittish.”
She stiffened. He saw right through her. No one had ever looked that deeply. She let out a shaky breath and sat on the edge of his bed.
He remained standing, solid and strong.
She folded her hands in her lap and stared at them. “I’ve never told anyone this before, the real reason Dean and I broke up…” She blew out a breath. “It wasn’t just because he wasn’t ready to settle down. I—” Her voice choked.
The bed creaked as Ethan sat next to her, sliding an arm around her bare shoulders.
She cleared her throat, blinking away the hot sting of tears. God, she didn’t want to talk about this, but she needed Ethan to understand why she was such a mess. “I got pregnant.”
He let out a harsh breath of air and she barreled on. “This was a year after college. We weren’t careful, maybe because we’d been together so long it just seemed inevitable we’d get married one day. I lost the baby two weeks later. He was there for me the entire time, through the fear and shock of pregnancy and through the grief and pain of miscarriage.” She swiped at her eyes. “He waited until I finally felt recovered, felt really good about the relationship, like this was a man who would stand by me through thick and thin, and then he pulled the rug out from under me. He dumped me, saying he wasn’t ready to settle down.”
“And you still wanted to start up with him again?” Ethan asked incredulously.
She glanced at him, sure he was judging her, but too distraught to work up much temper. “I believed him that he wasn’t ready to settle down. It was heavy stuff. And Ireallybelieved in the fantasy of a romantic happy-ever-after. I clung to that fantasy prince idea so hard, waiting and hoping, never moving forward with any man. Except Mark.” She lifted her palms. “All I can say is temporary insanity brought on by the pain I was in.” Her chin wobbled and she covered her face with her hands. Now he knew her worst secret. Talk about a mood killer.
He pulled her hands off her face and held them. “Ally, I’m not like him. You can trust me. I’ll take care with you.”
She bit her lip and nodded, appreciating his reassurance even knowing it would never be easy for her to trust and have faith in another man.
Ethan gave her hand a small squeeze. “I’m not gonna mess with your head, or your heart.”
She stared at him, speechless at his simple yet expressive words. No man had ever uttered anything like it before. A surge of deep affection turned her to absolute mush and she gave him a tight hug.
He rubbed her back, soothing her, his voice a deep rumble. “No pulling the rug out from under you, I promise.” He pulled back and tipped her chin up. “I like you and want to spend time with you.”
She blinked back tears, overwhelmed by his sincerity and tenderness. “That means a lot, really, I wish it was that easy for me to really believe.”
“Then I’ll have to prove it to you.”
“No, Eth. You don’t have to make up for—”
