Page 47 of The Earl's Disguised Governess
“And your mother? You say she left you?”
Claire nodded. “She left me unaware that, when I was older, I would be left to shoulder my father’s debts and grieve him. I do not even know if she is aware my father is dead, but I am certainly not going to be the one to tell her.” Claire shook her head resolutely.
“But Lord Simon … He treated me beautifully. At first. He was attentive. He wished to dance, and he was courteous. He came to meet with my father the following day after my debut and requested to court me. I still remember the earrings I wore for the ball. Red jewels—fake, of course, made only of paste, for my father could not afford real rubies, but I tried to love them all the same—and Lord Simon told me I was unique, for nobody else dared to wear such a bold colour, but I did. He was a dedicated man, which I liked. He was a scholar at the time, a budding genius, so he was well-known and liked among the Ton. He put his family first and talked at length of the title and responsibilities that would be his when his father passed. He presented such a life to me and dazzled me. Yet it was because of those responsibilities that there would be days when he would not answer my letters or call upon me.
“He would leave me to wait for him. My father chaperoned me, of course, but Lord Simon would show upsometimes, and other times, he would not. It was humiliating, but when he did come to call, he lavished me with gifts, spoke sweet words to me, and made sure his disappearance felt insignificant in those moments. But then it would all happen again. When my father passed away, Lord Simon sent me a very curt letter. All he did was apologize rather insincerely but explained briefly he would need to end our courtship. I was devastated. I had just lost my father, only to face the lack of prospects now, for I had turned down other offers. And then my father’s debts piled upon me. It was one thing after another.
“Eventually, I knew I had to leave. My father had ruined our name. My mother had caused a scandal with her disappearance, and I wanted to have nothing more to do with any of it. So, I renounced my title privately, took myself out of Society, and became a governess. I had to rebuild my life—except I was now in charge of it a great deal more.”
As she finished recounting her story, Ernest blinked at her, his mouth working, only for no words to come out. He had prompted her with questions to understand, but now it seemed she had used up his ability to respond.
Claire leaned forward. “Lord Bannerdown, you must forgive me. I did not mean to deceive you at all. Nothing must change after I have told you this. I beg of you for it not to change. I am no longer Claire Garner. I do not wish to be Claire Garner. My former life and attachments to it have all gone, and I am happy to keep it that way. I am Claire Gundry now and wish to forever be that. Please tell me you understand that.”
Ernest’s face changed from shocked confusion into a softer understanding. Slowly, he nodded and sat up straighter in his chair. “I understand, Miss Gundry. I understand why you lied.”
She flinched, waiting to be berated, but he did not.
“I … I very much understand the desire to lose a name and reinvent oneself. It is not always possible, but you made it so, and I find you admirable for that. You shall stay on with your employment here at Little Harkwell. I believe you need to share your story with Lady Florence, though, Miss Gundry.”
“That was always my plan,” she quickly assured him. “I only did not realize I would confess so soon.”
“I am glad you did.” His eyes met hers, and she found genuine honesty and understanding in them. She had seen his anger at being deceived and had expected it, so she was surprised. Pleasantly so, but surprised, nonetheless.
“All I ask is that you are honest with me in future,” he told her, his voice growing harder. “I am feeling rather in the dark between your true identity and your knowledge of Lady Florence’s dealings. It makes me feel rather uneasy and like I do not know what is happening within my own house.”
Claire nodded, biting her lip. “Thank you, Lord Bannerdown. And … well, on the topic of honesty, I must confess something else.”
Chapter 17
Ernest was not sure he could handle one more revelation, but he gestured for her to go on.
Miss Gundry’s face throughout her story had been a picture of vacancy and fear as if waiting for his anger from the night she had confessed to knowing Lady Florence’s secrets. But he found them very different, so he could not bring himself to be angry with her for this.
He felt responsible for Lady Florence and as though Miss Gundry had a duty of care to inform him of her actions. He did not feel the same for the governess but only waited to accept her story with understanding and compassion. He reeled from it. It was quite a lot to take in, even as many more things made sense to him now: her vague answers about her past, her education, her lack of governing before despite her age.
But the fact that she had been courted by the older brother of the man courting his cousin …
Ernest could not sit comfortably with that news.
Are you jealous, imagining her giving her heart to another man?
He chided himself for such thoughts.
“My other confession … It is about Lady Katherine.”
“My mother?” He frowned. “I admit she has become a rather elusive mystery even to me these days, so please do go on. If you have something about her that I should know, I will listen.”
Claire hesitated as if unsure, but Ernest caught her gaze again and nodded encouragingly. “Your words are safe here, Miss Gundry.”
She gazed back at him as a blush spread over her cheeks. “When we speak alone like this … you may call me Claire.”
He sat back, surprised. “You are sure?”
“Unless you think it is too improper.”
“If you are happy for it, then I shall.” He gave a beat of silence and then said her name softly, “Claire.”
She let out a small laugh, more nervous than humorous. And then a solemn look passed over her face as she continued, “Lady Katherine delivered a threat to me. I recently received correspondence from my estranged mother for the first time intwo decades. I put it away, not wanting to even look at it twice, let alone answer it. But I came back after an argument with Lady Florence to find my belongings tampered with. Lady Katherine revealed herself as the culprit and said she would tell everyone my identity unless I …” She caught her breath and inhaled sharply. “Unless I convinced you to marry Lady Samantha.”
