Page 32 of The Earl's Disguised Governess
The young lady went to open her mouth, but Claire held up a hand to stop her. “Merely because you are not yet out in society. You will have more prospects once Lord Bannerdown presents you upon your debut. Lord Victor. I understand the circumstances under which you have met him, but there will be other men when you properly enter society.”
Her voice was kind, and she expected—perhaps hoped—for understanding since Lady Florence had confessed her secrets but a deep-seated anger settled in Florence’s face, and she stood to her feet, rounding on Claire, pushing her back.
“Leave!” she ordered. “I respect you, Miss Gundry, but I am rather angry with you at the moment, and I would like you to leave.”
“Lady Florence—”
“Leave!” Her cry came out torn and desperate, furious, and delicate hands pushed Claire’s shoulders, forcing her backwards hard enough that she had to grip the doorframe to steady herself. She had only moments before the door came swinging closed, and she pulled her fingers away from being caught.
As her feet faltered and she fell back, only just righting herself on the railing behind her, Claire sensed someone approaching. She stiffened, only to turn around and find Lord Bannerdown getting nearer. He glanced at Lady Florence’s closed door.
Claire momentarily forgot about the argument and could only think about how his hair was dusted with a fine layer of snow with the dark strands speckled through. Her chest tightened and she had to look away from the redness of his nose from the cold.
“What has happened?” Lord Bannerdown asked, cocking his head. “Is my cousin all right?”
“Quite,” Claire said. “Merely… aggravated. Women things, of course.”
She did not want to betray her charge’s trust and wished to keep her secrets for now. Until at least I know the full story. I cannot go to Lord Bannerdown with no knowledge of the full story and go quiet when he asks questions. At least that was what she told herself. The truth was she hoped confidence would be kept should she ever think about spilling her secrets. But she also cared for Lady Florence, and she wished to see her happy, so she said nothing further.
“Ah,” he said, his smile awkward. “It sounds like something I should not wish to trouble myself with.”
“Indeed,” she assured him. “How was your walk with Lady Samantha?”
“Dastardly cold,” he told her. “But it was pleasant enough. Lady Samantha is lovely both in looks and person, as the viscount always said, but I must admit that I do not know how to help her. That is how I see her, somebody to help. I feel responsible for her grief, but I do not know how to aid her.”
Claire met his eyes, which looked wistful as he hoped. There was a desperate tilt to his mouth as if saddened by his helplessness. Claire paused. Was he … waiting for her advice? She had once given him advice about Lady Florence, and he had appreciated her counsel.
But how could Claire possibly advise him on how to better be there for Lady Samantha?
She bit her lip, idly toying with a frill on her skirt. Claire had to admit that she had grown rather fond of the earl, and to encourage him further into Lady Samantha’s arms did not feel comfortable. She was biased, she realized.
How can I do this when it could push them closer together in marriage? Society does not wait for grieving, unmarried women, whether betrothed or not.
Claire had a sneaking suspicion that Lady Katherine had done something regarding the other girl’s presence. But … Lady Samantha looked barely older than Lady Florence, and the thought of Lord Bannerdown courting her for his mother’s sake …
Perhaps he might like her himself.
He did say she was lovely in looks and person, she reminded herself bitterly.
Silence filled the corridor, and Lord Bannerdown cleared his throat before straightening up, his hands clasped behind his back.
“Yes—ah, well,” he said, unsure of how to respond to her silence, so he continued talking as if it was a mere continuation of his previous words. “It is not my responsibility, I suppose. I am merely feeling guilty.”
Counsel him! Claire told herself but she could truly not bring herself to.
Claire gave him an uncomfortable nod. “Of course, My Lord. I should—I should take my leave.”
“Miss Gundry—”
“Good day, Lord Bannerdown.”
She curtsied and left quickly, hurrying down without looking back at him. How could she meet his gaze when she thought such terrible thoughts? She was selfish, choosing her own affections for the earl over the ability to help him be a better friend.
But they might not only be friends eventually, Claire thought as she pressed herself to her door, quickly opening it, and trapping herself inside. I could not live with myself watching them wed.
She gasped for breath and pushed her back against the door as she entered her bedroom, trying to calm down her racing heart. Guilt gnawed through her stomach.
I am terrible, she thought. I am keeping so many secrets.
