Page 24 of The Duke and the Enigmatic Governess
He watched the look of pure joy on Sasha’s face as the pony and cart trundled up and down the mews. The rest of the day was full of requests to visit the stables again, and questions about what horses eat, and could she help look after them.
He smiled, knowing she would love life at the Clairville country estate once they could leave London. With no leads on her family it was possible she would become a long-term ward of the family.
Jude visited Miss Banks for an hour after supper, with Nurse Walters as chaperone. Her expression brightened as he entered the room.
“Your Grace, have you come to read the book by the lady? I long to find out if Elinor marries Willoughby. The lady writes such a compelling story, I didn’t think I could find a writer I enjoyed as much as Mrs. Radcliffe, butSense and Sensibilityis wonderful.
He smiled and took out the book from behind his back, “I have some poetry too, the latest by Lord Byron.”
“It proves to be a lovely evening. A good book, a roaring fire,” and she paused, looking at him with her wide eyes, “and good company.” She gestured for him to be seated. “Nurse Walters says Sasha can spend time with me tomorrow. I truly am on the mend now. I can only thank you for your kindness in caring for me while I’ve been ill.”
“Miss Banks, you were a guest in need. We have all been through a traumatic series of events. Now, let us read the novel. I think our heroine will soon prefer Colonel Brandon.”
He watched Miss Banks close her eyes as he read the next chapter. It felt so right, sitting there, reading to the most intriguing woman he had ever met. He dreaded these intimate evenings ending as Miss Banks grew stronger. There was no relationship between them, and Nurse Walters had already suggested the proprieties needed to be observed, now that Miss Banks was recovering, and the quarantine had ended.
Jude had vivid memories of those nights when he had sat in that very place, watching Miss Banks toss and turn, burning with fever, no one sure if she would live or die. He knew Nurse Walters was right and he needed to pull back from this level of closeness. He didn’t want this time to end but knew it couldn’t continue this way.
He was very aware of his conflicting emotions. When Miss Banks had been near death, he had known he could not lose her. He imagined her in his life, meeting his family, betrothal, living a life together at Clairville. Dreams with no basis in reality. Delusions.
How could he follow such a course? He had formed an attraction that had been heightened by close confinement, and the desperate fear of losing this woman who had filled every waking thought.
He needed some time to consider how he felt about Miss Banks. He didn’t know what he wanted, and, on reflection, it mightbe better to spend some time apart. Miss Banks had arrived in his life and ambushed his emotions, and he needed to put the fragmented feelings into some sort of order. Yes, he was attracted to Miss Banks, but he’d been attracted to many women in the past, and it was likely there would be many more in the future.
But he felt sure that a close connection had developed between them, accelerated by events, but growing stronger. What if the connection was cut? At this moment he shuddered at the thought of not seeing her every day. He already missed holding her hand and, at the height of the fever, holding her in his arms, willing her to fight and get well. He suspected he would lose part of himself now if he never saw Miss Banks again.
Damn. I will conquer these feelings. I must be lonely to be bewitched by a governess. Maybe my mother is right, and I do need to marry.
He would complete reading the book as to end their evening soirées now would be churlish. But after that, the social relationship between employer and governess needed to be reestablished.
There was the added complication of the letter, and whether Miss Banks was really who she said she was. Who was Lady Audrey Rowe? There were other explanations for her having the letter, she may have taken it from Lady Audrey, but to him, the obvious explanation was that Miss Banks and Audrey were the same person.
He would like to ask her, but that would have to wait until she was well enough. In the meantime, he might still hear from Mrs. Weston with an explanation.
Jude saw that Miss Banks had drifted off to sleep, and so he closed the book of poems and stood to leave her bedchamber.
He turned back as he reached the door, so much uncertainty, so many complications. He was glad Miss Banks was recovering, yet part of him longed for those days of quarantine and the ease with which they had lived without the strict rules of society. He felt the rules and regulations of theton, of polite society, closing in with more constraint than during their confinement in quarantine.
The fire had already been lit in his library, and he was not ready to retire to bed, so Jude settled himself in a chair to read. He had only just started when, hearing a tapping on the door, he looked up.
His valet, Robert, had returned to duty now quarantine had ended, and he now appeared through the door.
“I have correspondence, Your Grace. I’d leave it until tomorrow, but there is a letter from Mr. Young, and several letters came by express from the estate,” Robert informed him.
“Thank you, Robert, it will be a welcome change. I’m not really in the mood to read,” Jude replied.
Robert put a silver salver with several letters on the table. Recognizing his master's mood, he went to the oak side table on which stood several crystal decanters and glasses and poured Jude a glass of cognac.
Jude nodded his thanks and gestured for Robert to join him by the fire. “I’d welcome your company, Robert. This trip to London hasn’t been what I expected. Hell, I seem to have acquired custody of a child, a ward. How did that happen?”
He looked through the pile of letters, taking the one with his mother’s handwriting. “It’s mostly estate news. She’s expecting me to return and bring Sasha. She tells me, in her typical style, that she hopes to see me at Clairville within ten days.
Apparently, there’s a group of guests arriving for a house party, and she has invited a young lady of, as she puts it, grace and style, who she particularly wants me to meet.” He disclosed to Robert, a friend as well as valet.
Jude and Robert had grown up together as boys on the Clairville estate, and until recently he’d shared with Robert the ups and downs of life, relationships, and frustrations with his mother.
Robert’s mother had lived at Clairville, a very distant cousin of Jude’s own mother, who’d been widowed when pregnant with Robert. Jude’s mother had given her a home. In time, as the boys grew up, it seemed natural for Robert to become Jude’s gentleman’s gentleman. It was a closer relationship than master and servant.
“Your mother just wants you to be happy. She wants an heir for Clairville.” Robert said, defending Jude’s mother.
