Page 60 of A Baron's Disguised Lady
He had not thought for a moment someone might have wished her harm, and now he could think of nothing else but revenge, and his desire to see Lord Bath proved as the murderer. He was about to pour himself another glass of brandy when a gentle knock came at the door. Archie sighed.
“Yes, who is it?” he called out, and the door opened, revealing his mother.
Her face was very pale, and it was clear she had been crying. She closed the door behind her, crossed the hearth and leaned down to kiss him on the cheek.
“My darling boy… how sorry I am,” she said, slipping her hand into his and squeezing it.
He had expected her to be angry with him for concealing the secret of Gwendolene’s murder. But he had done so for what he believed to be the right reasons; to shield her from the hurt of speculation. He had wanted to be absolutely certain, and the discovery of the letter had given him, at least, the certainty he needed.
“I did it for Gwendolene,” he said, and his mother nodded.
“Yes… I know you did, Archie. You loved your sister with all your heart, and she loved you. But none of this is Lavinia’s fault,” she said.
Archie looked at her in surprise. He had not blamed Lavinia for anything, and now he thought back to the moment of their earlier separation… the mention of the growing intimacy between them, and looking at his mother, he sighed.
“I know it’s not. But… what you said earlier… about the two of us being on intimate terms,” he said, and his mother smiled.
“Well, aren’t you? The walk in the gardens, coming home all splattered with mud. I thought poor Octavia was going to faint from the whiff of scandal,” she said, and Archie rolled his eyes.
“But nothing happened, mother. It was entirely innocent,” he said, and his mother raised her eyebrows.
“The actions might’ve been innocent, Archie, but as for your thoughts… come now, you can’t deny you havesomefeelings for her,” she said.
His mother’s words were unsettling, not because they had no basis to them, but because they were true. Over the past few days, Archie had come to realize his growing feelings for Lavinia. She was different from other women in so many ways.
He liked her. More than that, he was falling in love with her, as difficult as it was to admit it. When his mother had spoken of a growing intimacy between them, Archie had felt embarrassed to admit as much, fearing Lavinia would not feel the same, and certainly not after his angry outburst toward her.
“Well… I… yes, I suppose I do, but… I’ve ruined it now, haven’t I?” he said, but his mother shook her head.
“I don’t think so, Archie, no. You might’ve behaved a little foolishly, but we were all upset. I’m still coming to terms with it all myself,” she said, and Archie nodded.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before. It was all so confusing,” he said, but his mother shook her head.
“It’s all right, Archie. I understand. You did it to protect me. We’ve certainly had our share of sadness, and to think of Gwendolene’s death as… murder. It makes me shudder to think about it. I had my suspicions, well, not of something so awful. But she was so young, and so full of life.
The thought of someone doing that… I know you want someone to blame, and Lord Bath certainly seems a convincing possibility. But as for you and Lavinia; don’t let him come between you, Archie. You can’t. What the two of you have is too precious for that,” she said.
Archie was not certain what, if anything, he and Lavinia had. But he thought back to their shared intimacies, for that was what they were, in the gardens and in the orchard.
That morning they had spent together, it had given Archie a taste of the freedom he so longed for. Freedom from the burden of Gwendolene’s death. He had seen himself as he wanted to be, caught up in the pleasures of life, just as Gwendolene would want him to be, too. It was Lavinia who had granted him such a gift, freeing him from his sorrows, if only for a short while.
“You’re right, mother… I was a fool earlier,” Archie said, shaking his head with a sigh.
“Then make amends for your foolishness, Archie. There’s nothing to hold you back,” his mother said.
But Archie knew there was a great deal holding him back. He could not pursue a match, however perfect it seemed, with Lavinia until the truth as to Gwendolene’s murder was known. But he had been too hasty in his judgement of Lavinia, and he knew he had no right to expect anything from her but rejection.
“There’s a great deal, mother. I just don’t know… I’ve been a fool,” Archie replied.
He feared it was now too late to make amends. That Lavinia could never forgive him for the cruel things he had said in the heat of the moment. He had not meant them, or rather, now his anger was abated, he had come to realize how foolish they must have sounded.
He could not possibly believe Lavinia had any feelings for Lord Bath, let alone that she was willing to defend him. There could be no truth in such thoughts, and Archie bitterly regretted saying what he had.
“Then tell her, Archie. Be magnanimous in defeat. There’s nothing wrong with admitting your own errors. It doesn’t mean you don’t believe in Lord Bath’s guilt. I’m just as certain of it as you are. But until there’s more evidence, Lavinia’s right. Far better to bide our time. Perhaps the magistrate might discover something. But don’t let Lord Bath drive a wedge between the two of you.
Archie blushed. He had not dared to believe Lavinia might feel the same way about him. But if his mother was to be believed, she did, and the thought of her doing so filled him with an expectant delight. She was the most delightful of creatures: charming, witty, intelligent, bold, courageous, unafraid to speak her mind, and astonishingly attractive.
“I didn’t realize we had anything, mother. But you’re right. I don’t want this misunderstanding to come between us,” he said, and his mother smiled.
