Page 63 of The Heiress in Disguise
Maybe he could relate to the feeling of being in love, but that didn’t mean it was something the two of them ought to confide in one another about. And he certainly wouldn’t understand if she said she was in love with two different men; that she loved him… and someone else as well. No one would ever understand that.
“People like me don’t have time for matters of the heart,” she told him. “I can’t afford to fall in love.”
“That sounds very sad,” he said.
“Not sad. Just life. We all have to play the cards we’re dealt. One day, perhaps I’ll be able to begin a new life. One on my own terms, and then things will be different for me. But not until then.”
“A life on your own,” he repeated. “What sort of life?”
“What do you mean?”
“What do you hope for? When you picture making a new life for yourself, what does that look like?”
“I would leave,” she said simply. “I won’t grow old in this house. You know who I really am, so you know that I need to find a way to live as myself. If I leave this household and find employment elsewhere, I can finally be free. I’ve questioned the wisdom of doing that, but I think I could bear it if I take my two most cherished friends along with me—two members of this household that I can’t live without.
Molly the scullery maid and Peter the stable hand. They’ve both been with me all my life. The three of us can leave and become a family of our own, and then we won’t have to worry about anything anymore.”
“Of course you would have to worry,” the gentleman countered. “The life of a servant is full of hardship, and in many ways the life of a commoner who doesn’t serve in a household is even worse.”
“I would have my freedom,” she said. “That’s one thing I’ll never have as long as I’m here. And you of all people should understand why I need to go, because you’re the one who reminded me of who I really am.
“I understand your desire to go,” he said. “But a commoner isnotwho you really are,Lady Angelique.Your parents were great people. You are entitled to the inheritance they left you. Why would you give that up?”
“I’ve given up nothing,” she said. “It’s beentakenfrom me. None of this has been my choice.”
“Forgive me,” he said. “Of course it hasn’t. I know that. I know you haven’t had the freedom to make these decisions for yourself and I didn’t mean to imply otherwise.
But you deserve that freedom. You deserve to walk around town and be publicly known as Lady Angelique… as your parents’ daughter. You deserve to have the financial resources they provided for your well-being so that you wouldn’t ever have to suffer. They didn’t want you to be forced to fend for yourself in the ways you’re describing. You shouldn’t settle for that either.”
“You didn’t know my parents,” she said. “You can’t know what they would have wanted.”
“I am confident in this,” he said. “Give me more time, Lady Angelique. Allow me to try to help you. I know that I can, if you’ll only be patient with me.”
“I don’t understand why youwantto help me,” she admitted, looking up at him.
What would it be like, she suddenly wondered, to be his? What would it be like to be loved by someone like him? To feel so perpetually cared for and provided for?
The way he spoke to her, the way he kept insisting that if she would only trust him, he would help her set everything to rights, made it so easy for her to pretend that she really did belong to him. That he really could love her. It wasn’t the truth. She knew it wasn’t the truth. But for a moment, she permitted herself to have the fantasy.
How would it be if he were to kiss her? If neither one of them thought better of it and they simply allowed it to happen? The idea was such a lovely one. For a moment, she let her eyes drift closed so that she could picture it better. What a blissful daydream this was! If only it could become a reality.
Then she felt his hand on hers and the lines between dream and reality began to blur almost beyond recognition. She looked up at him.
“You promised me that you would remember who you are,” he said softly. “A lady, through and through.”
“You think I would be diminished in the life of a commoner?”
“No. Nothing could ever diminish you, Lady Angelique. If what you have lived through so far hasn’t done it, I know that nothing ever will. The sweetness, kindness, and graciousness you possess make you a lady far more than any title or possessions ever could.
I merely want you to have everything that ought to be yours. I want you to have the life and the blessings that were intended for you since childhood. I don’t want your dreadful relatives to succeed in taking those things away from you. You deserve better.”
“I wish I could see your true face,” Angelique murmured.
Overcome with the desire to do exactly that, she reached up for his mask. She had almost managed to grip the edge of it when he dropped her hand quickly and stepped backward, away from her.
“We can’t,” he told her firmly. “It isn’t the time.”
“Will it ever be the time?” Angelique asked hopelessly.
