Page 55 of The Heiress in Disguise
“You said that I did have to.”
“I said that I wanted you to. I said I could help you if you did. At least, I hope I can.”
“Help me how?”
He looked as if he might have said too much. “I don’t know,” he admitted.
“You’ve helped me already,” she said softly.
“Have I?”
“I can’t tell you how it feels to speak openly about all the things I’ve been through.”
“I was under the impression that it was painful for you. That you didn’t wish to talk about it.”
“It is painful,” she agreed. “Painful like cleaning a wound that’s become infected after years of neglect. It hurts more than I can tell you to admit that I’ve suffered. But it’s healing, too.” She wiped at her eyes. “I’m so sorry that I’m crying,” she whispered. “I know I should control myself.”
“Don’t apologize. You don’t need to feel bad about crying in front of me,” he said. “With everything you’ve been through I would be surprised if youdidn’tcry occasionally. I know I would, if it were me.”
“No, you wouldn’t,” she said, laughing through her tears. “Not a gentleman like you.”
“Well, perhaps not,” he conceded. “But I would certainly feel distraught from time to time. I think anyone would. I don’t judge you at all for the way you’re reacting, Lady Angelique. I think it’s more than natural, and I think I would do just the same in your shoes.”
He reached out and rested a hand gently on top of hers.
Angelique felt short of breath. It was odd that this little touch should affect her so powerfully. After all, she’d already slept in his arms. But it was different, too, because there was an element of choice here. She could have pulled away. She hadn’t had that option when he had held her as she slept, but right now, she could take her hand away from him.
The fact that she wasn’t doing so meant that she was choosing this touch. It was infinitely more scandalous and more intimate than what they had shared in the garden during the party, where she had pulled away from him as soon as she’d become aware of him holding her.
“I think you’re very brave,” the gentleman said.
“Brave?” she repeated. “I haven’t done anything brave.”
“You have,” he countered. “I know how difficult your life has been for you since the death of your parents, Lady Angelique. I know you’ve struggled. I know you’ve suffered. And the reason I say you’re brave is that I see the person you are now.
You haven’t become angry and hateful. You haven’t retreated into misery and self-pity. You’ve remained open and kind, which must have been all but impossible under the circumstances. I confess I find it very impressive. I’m proud to know you.”
Angelique didn’t know what to say. He honored her with his words, and she was glad he had said them, but it also made her want to cry even harder. She had spent so long thinking that she had no choice but to be strong. It hadn’t seemed like anything to take pride in.
It was merely the only option available to her. But she saw now that he was right. She could have given in at any time. She could have become angry or resentful or bitter, and she hadn’t. Thatwasan achievement. And finally, someone seemed to truly see it.
“Thank you,” she whispered.
She was trembling. He had gotten to her. He was affecting her in ways no one had in all her life, making her feel seen and important and valued. And he wassohandsome, and the touch of his hand against hers felt electric. In another world, in another life, she thought she might have given in to the things she was feeling right now. She might have allowed herself to be carried away by her admiration for him.
She might have allowed herself to fall in love.
But for so many reasons, she couldn’t fall in love with this man. Even if his reaching out to her meant that he did have feelings for her, there was no future in which those feelings could be acted upon. She felt safer with him than she did with anyone elsein her life, for not only did he know her true self, he also accepted it. But there were still roles to be played.
She was still stuck in the life of a servant, no matter what role she had been born to. And he was still a gentleman. No matter what he felt about her, no matter what he knew about her, he would never wish to marry a servant. And even if he thought he did want such a thing, she couldn’t bend to that wish. She cared for him too much to allow his life to be dragged down in the same way hers had. It would have been wrong to allow it.
She pulled her hand back, wishing she didn’t have to do it.
“Are you all right?” he asked her.
“I’m fine.” She wasn’t. She felt as if her heart was breaking in two. But there was nothing to be gained by telling him that.
He nodded and rose to his feet. “I thank you for your time and your candor today,” he said. “I know you came here expecting to see Philip, not me. He will be along momentarily. He still wishes to see you.”
