Page 16 of A Lady's Beloved Novelist
“I know, but I just…I want more,” Andrea said with a groan.
“You are young,” Abigail countered quickly.“Young girls with ambition often want more than what the men of this society can give them. That has always been the way, unfortunately, and that means you are just going to have to find the next best thing.”
It was the kind of advice that Andrea knew she would probably have to accept, but it still caused her to scrunch up her nose as though she were smelling something foul.
“You want a man that knows adventure, right?” her aunt continued.
“I do.” Andrea nodded.“And James knows adventure. He used to be in the military. He has been as far east as China!”
“Then what is your problem with him?”
“I just do not think I will be satisfied with married life,” she said finally. Andrea let her shoulders relax from their usual posture so that she was slouching, but she did not care since neither of the older women picked up on it.
“I have been trying to put the blame on the men for not being good enough, but the truth is that I just do not think married life in general will be enough for me. Especially with all the noble duties, I will have to be a part of if I do marry him and become a duchess someday.”
Andrea watched her aunt give her friend a knowing look. Their features softened slightly upon hearing this, and a strange air of understanding settled over them.
“I think a lot more women than you would anticipate go through similar emotions,” her aunt said with a small smile on her face.“It is something that we have both spoken about in the past many times. There is something about the duties that a noble wife takes on that does not appeal to many women in all honesty.
It is clear the life is made for those who only have the ambition of starting a family and living out their days in a large home. But for many women, it is difficult to fathom closing oneself off when there is just so much out there in the world to explore.”
It was the first time Andrea felt as though she was hearing advice that validated how she was feeling. It was the first time she was hearing somebody else agree with her.
“But on the other hand,” her aunt continued on,“there are some things in life that I would never wish on a woman, and being unmarried is definitely one of them. There are many disadvantages that will befall you if you remain unmarried, not to mention the stigma that men will attach to you. They will use it against you, and there is nothing worse than a man who thinks a woman does not need a man. I am telling you that they cannot stand it.”
Andrea felt slightly dazed at hearing her aunt talk so plainly. It was rather refreshing, but at the same time, it worried her. Her aunt had both reassured her of her feelings, but she had also reaffirmed to her why marriage was so important for a woman like herself. Andrea knew it would be the right thing to do, even if it would be compromising on some of her dreams.
“I thought you had made your peace with these adventures by reading?” Bella asked her.
“I had.” Andrea nodded quickly.“But there is only so much that one can learn from a book. I am sure that it is an entirely different thing to go out there and experience it for oneself.”
“There will be no adventures so long as you have a title of nobility to your name,” Abigail cut in.“You heard what your aunt said. As much as marriage can turn out to be a great disappointment, it is still necessary. There is always the silver lining that if your husband were to die, you are allowed to live out your days like us.”
Abigail shrugged her shoulders with the same nonchalance as though she were talking about the weather.“Let me tell you a secret: widowhood is not as bad as they make it out to be.”
Andrea could not help but chuckle at her words, the outspoken widow punctuating what she had said with a sly wink.
“Do not listen to Abigail,” Bella said, rolling her eyes at her friend.“If you marry somebody you care about, and someone who cares about you, then widowhood can be very hard. You have to go on after they have stopped and, depending on the choices you make when you are your age, it will impact the rest of your life.”
Andrea winced at the weight her actions could have on her future. If she were to pick wrong, she was not sure she wanted to be known as a widow who was pleased to see her husband gone.
“It does not sound as though there is anything wrong with your marquess,”Abigail continued.“He sounds perfectly pleasant.”
“He is.” She nodded slowly.“But I was rather rude to him today, and I am not sure what to do next.”
“I would suggest not being rude to him anymore if you want him to like you.” Abigail’s words were met with a jab in the side from Andrea’s aunt.
“What we mean to say is, why do not you write to him? Have you written to him in the past? Or has he written to you?”
“Yes, he started writing to me last year,” Andrea said.
She remembered how confused she had been upon receiving the letter. At first, she did not understand who was writing to her, but then it all became clear and she realised there would only be one reason an eligible marquess was writing to her. Her mother had not been able to believe it, and she had celebrated as though the letter had detailed a proposal instead of just a few lines of what was really just small talk.
“Well then, you should write down exactly what you are feeling and send it to him,” her aunt announced.“It will make it easier for you to put your feelings down on a page. That way you do not have to worry about chaperones hearing what you have to say. This message will just be between the two of you, and he will like that, trust me.”
“I hate to say it, but Bella is right,” Abigail added playfully.“Writing it down will also allow you to say all that you need to say without making any mistakes.”
“Thank you, that is actually a very good idea.”
