Page 39 of A Lady's Beloved Novelist
Dearest Andrea,
There is so much that I have to tell you, and whilst it is painful for me to reveal it all through the means of this letter, I hope that by the end of it you will understand why I have been so distant as of late.
My unexpected visitor has done much to thwart my efforts to charm and court you. At almost every step of the way I have had trouble from Cecil since his arrival, one of the main issues being that he went through my personal letters and files. I have since gotten rid of him, though it has not been without consequence and in hindsight, I wish I had not been so rash with my actions.
I am just going to come out and say it: I am him. I am Dean Morris who writes the adventure novels you so love, and I am the man who inspired the character of Francis Griffith. Those stories are based on many of my own experiences and the experiences of the men around me. They are all somewhat true and I was so pleased when you said you admired my work, even though you did not know it was I who had been writing them.
I understand that this may be hard to believe, but I have been receiving your anonymous mail for a very long time. It was only when I compared the letters sent to Dean Morris with the letters you had sent to me that I realised you had to be the same person. I thank you for writing to me, for it really did give me the motivation to continue on with my work during moments when I would come up short with what to write.
I want you to know that I was going to tell you all of this in person and on my own terms, but as I was saying earlier, my hand has been forced. Cecil found out my secret before I had the chance to tell you, and now here I am stuck in this awful position of having to expose this part of me through a letter.
The only positive I can draw from this is that I hope you can keep this letter, then perhaps one day in the future you can laugh at it and the absurdity of the situation.
Cecil required me to stop courting you, otherwise, he would reveal this secret to people to whom it would matter, like my father—You have now entered the secret club consisting of my mother, Cecil, and yourself, the only people who know about this little hobby of mine.
I was so angry when Cecil found out that I forced him out of my house without thinking of the consequences. I am now very aware of those consequences and experiencing the error of my ways.
Anyway, I digress slightly with my feelings, I wanted you to know this, and I wanted it to come from me. I wish to see you in person, but I fear Cecil will find some way to expose me and I just cannot have that. I hope to see you one day soon, and I hope you can respond to this letter in due course.
Yours, always,
James
He fumbled with the envelope, making sure to address it to Andrea. James did not feel like he had a moment to waste in getting it to her since he wanted nothing more than for everything to finally be out in the open. She deserved to hear it from him that he was not who he had been pretending to be, there was so much more to him than she knew.
Whilst James would have preferred to just come out with the truth in person, he did not really have a choice. Writing it down was filling him with hesitation because of the fact that anyone could simply pick up the paper and find out his deepest secret. Putting it into words made it all slightly too real.
Regardless of his hesitations, James quickly sealed the letter and prepared to send it out. His heart was beating faster than normal and his eyes were constantly darting towards the door as though Cecil was going to walk through it at any moment. Luckily, James managed to send off the letter without encountering anyone, though he could not shift the feeling that somebody was watching him the entire time.
*
He waited for the rest of the day in anticipation of what her response would be. James was not sure if Andrea was going to respond in her own letter, or if she would come across the estate to see him. He was hoping that it was the latter so that he could better judge what her feelings were about everything.
The hours were stacking up in front of him, and time was moving at the pace of a snail. James was not sure how long it would take for her to read it and respond, he was not even sure that she was home that day. All he could do was hope that she would put him out of his misery soon.
The sun was slipping down the sky. He watched it through the window of his study as he reclined at his desk. There was nothing he could do in the meantime. Any thought he had went back to how Andrea was going to react to the news that she had been writing anonymous letters disclosing her feelings to the man she had also been courting.
He could imagine her blushing at the thought. She had put so much of her soul into those letters, James knew that it would be a shock to her.
He was about to give up hope for the day when there came a knock at the door. James had never jumped out of his desk chair so quickly before. His heart was racing and he pushed the hair that had flopped over his brow away before rushing to the door.
It had to be her, there was nobody else who would come and visit him in the early evening. He was so caught up in his thoughts that it was quite the shock when he opened the door to not see Andrea standing there.
“No,” James whispered as he took in the scene in front of him. “No, this is not happening.”
“Oh, but it is,” Cecil saidwhilstwaving the letter in front of his face and cocking an eyebrow. “Did you really think that I would not have people paid off to check the post?”
James closed his eyes and let out a deep but shaky breath.
“Why are you so insistent on being with her?” James asked.
“Because for too long you have been the one on top,” Cecil said with a sneer. “You have been the one to get all of the credit, even when you are writing under a different name. This is something I can take away from you, something that will make up for the years of letting you win.”
“Cecil, what are you talking about?” James groaned as he asked the question. “You had every chance to have everything that I have. You had the money, but you spent it all on drink. You have the looks, but you use them to sour your reputation. You had the chance to be brave, but you were a coward—”
“Enough!” Cecil snapped. “I was willing to come here and be lenient with you. I know what revealing this secret will do for your reputation, and I was willing to give you a pass.”
“I want to be with her,” James muttered. He made sure not to match his tone with Cecil’s. Getting angry would do the situation no good, and so James wrestled with himself to stay calm. “I have never wanted something more before, Cecil. Does that count for nothing in your mind?”
