Page 38 of A Lady's Beloved Novelist
“I do not want to make the next move,” Andrea said. “Is that so wrong of me? Whilst there are not many ideals of marriage that actually appeal to me, I would still like him to be a gentleman about it all.”
“I understand, then I can only think that you need to give him time,” Lily said. “I know it will not be what you want to hear, but that is the truth of it I am afraid.”
*
Dearest Dean,
It has been some time since I last wrote to you. It has also been a long time since I have ventured into town to check if you have released any more material, though I can feel in my gut that I may not like the answer. I almost went to apologise for taking so long to write to you, but it appears that since you never write back, I could just be writing these for my own benefit and not yours. I do not even know if you receive them.
In my own life, I am at a loss for what to do. I have some options coming up and I am not sure what is the right path anymore. Of course, my parents are still trying to steer me onto the path of marriage, though it is proving a difficult and long process.
It seems men are a lot more complicated than I give them credit for, and so I have found the entire ordeal of trying to court like sailing across a foreign ocean without a map. It has been nearly impossible, and I feel no closer to appeasing my parents and getting the whole thing over with.
Of course, I want to be happy, but I never realised just how much of this I would have to compromise. Men are not good at explaining to you what is going on, and that is what I have found recently. A man who I thought was very interested in my hand in marriage has turned rather cold and stopped reaching out to me. I feel a jungle would be easier to navigate than the inner workings of a man’s mind.
I thought I liked him very much, but now I am not so sure what he feels about me, and I have no idea why he has turned so suddenly on me and left me with no correspondence.
In the meantime, other men have come calling, but none of them are anything comparable. I want him back, and I am not even sure why I am telling you all of this, but it just feels right. Actually, the reason I am telling you this is because if I cannot work out how to resolve things with this man that I speak of, then I am definitely going to need new reading material to distract me with.
I know that it is rather selfish to ask in such a way, but I only crave more of the work that is so incredible to me, work that I want to read more of. I am also looking forward to following new stories. It is not only the content but also the style.
Your writing is so vivid, so real, I feel like I am in the places you describe. I hope that you take this as a compliment and that it can spur you on to continue with your writings that I am sure are adored by many and not just me.
I look forward to whatever the future holds for us both.
Your loyal and dedicated reader,
Anonymous
Andrea wrote the note that evening after continuing to hear nothing from James. She could not understand what had happened. She had thought they were in a good place. They had spoken about their differences, and she thought they had somewhat resolved them. Yet it appeared that James had a different idea. He had not been in touch, and it terrified her to think that he was not going to talk to her again.
Lily’s description of him as pensive felt apt, though Andrea still was not sure what that fully meant for her. If he was going to continue to think about it, perhaps he would talk himself out of pursuing anything with her. The thought was not at all comforting and caused Andrea to grimace as she looked down at the letter. She started to fold it and address it to the postbox that she sent all of her letters to Dean to.
Andrea realised things would have been much easier if she was not so stubborn. She could, if she so wanted, just go and see James at his residence right at that moment. But she was far too stubborn to be the one to break through the silence that had settled between them. She was not going to be the one to speak first.
Chapter 17
James felt as though he was wincing with every word he was reading. It was too much to bear to hear that Andrea was longing for him as much as he was longing to speak to her. He just was not sure what to say or how to phrase it.
Cecil had already threatened to reveal his secret should he go anywhere near her, and James was still assessing the risk that it would involve. He was fine with Andrea knowing, but he did not want anyone else to be aware of such a fact about himself.
He found the irony in the fact that Andrea was now writing about the issues that the two of them were having to someone she did not know was actually James. It was slightly amusing, but only for a moment, he then would return to the sadness he was feeling. James just could not believe she was still pining for him after everything.
The most heartbreaking thing that he had tolerated was seeing her with Cecil the other day. It had been a brief glimpse through one of the large windows, but they had been sitting together and laughing.
She was enjoying her time with a man like him, much to his surprise, and he tried to imagine the sorts of lies he was twisting to make himself sound bearable. Cecil had been a liability when he had been in the military and when he had travelled with him. James knew that he must have left out all the parts where he had nearly gotten himself or the group of them killed.
He remembered even when they were fresh off the boat from their travels how Cecil had gone straight to a public house and lied about his adventures. He made himself sound like the hero, when in actuality it had been the rest of the group that had been forced to save him on many occasions.
The house around him was quiet, which James was incredibly grateful for. He was glad he did not have to deal with the keen eyes of Cecil always looking over his shoulder and asking him about his business. James was not sure what he wished for more.
All he wanted was for Cecil to disappear and to never return, just as he thought he had done all those years ago. So far, he had brought nothing to James’ life but misery and problems, and James was sick of it.
After so many years, he could not believe that it was going to be Cecil who was the one to snatch his chance at happiness away from him. James had never been interested in marriage before he had met Andrea, and now he was not going to get to revel in it because Cecil’s blackmail was standing in his way.
A sudden idea came to him. One that James was beating himself up for not thinking about sooner. Whilst Cecil said that if he were to see James near Andrea he would reveal his secret to society, he had not said anything about letters. James was barely finished going through the thought in his mind when he was jumping up from his seat and over to his desk.
Fumbling for pen and paper, he started to scribble down Andrea’s address, making sure to be careful though his hand was shaking a lot.
