Page 27 of A Lady's Beloved Novelist
The look he was giving her was not one she had been expecting. Andrea had wondered if her words were a step too far when she spoke about such fanciful things, but it appeared as though James was admiring her. The way one may look at a budding flower was how James observed her, and Andrea was slightly worried if he did not start looking where he was going, he would trip.
“I understood your points in the letter, and I was very glad of your frank honesty,” James explained.“But I am a little curious. Why is it that you are so discontent with the notion of a noble wife’s life that stands ahead of you? From what I hear, it is a relatively easy role with no too great pressures and no struggles.”
Andrea was slightly taken aback by the question. She had never had it phrased to her in such a way, but she had also never spoken of it in such a way. She blinked a few times before licking her lips and trying to come up with an answer.
“You got something incorrect about your definition of a noble wife, Lord Churchill.” Andrea bristled slightly.“You said it was easy, but you are mistaking easy for restricted. You see, my sex is just as ill-suited to such a life as yours, and that has been the case for a long time, but you men fail to see it.
I could almost guarantee that if you were in my position, you too would rebel against the fate that is charging at you because you would not like what you see. I am the same as you, Lord Churchill, I have an imagination, I have a desire for freedom and to discover things.”
James was silent for a moment. Andrea knew she had come in too hot with her statements, but this was a subject that she felt passionate about, and she was not going to back down. She had to make him aware of what she would be like, or they would be facing a very unhappy future together.
“I only say this to warn you,” she muttered.“I can see the affections that you harbour for me, and I can assure you they are returned. I just do not want you to find me…disappointing because I am not like the other ladies you could so easily marry.”
Her voice had been much softer, but still, James walked on without saying a word. His jaw was set tight, and his lips pressed into an incredibly thin line. Her heart hammered in her chest that she had ruined everything, but Andrea tried to take comfort in the fact that she had at least been honest in doing so.
“I could never be disappointed by you, Andrea,” he said finally, his voice lacking a little strength.“I find you far too intriguing to be disappointed.”
Her eyes lit up as he spoke, and she wished she would not hang on every single one of his words in the way she was doing at that moment.
“I feel you are someone special,”James continued.“And I can agree with what you are saying…I can even relate to it to an extent. You see, my father thought it was a good idea for me to come and live here for a time because I was always escaping off and travelling around the world. It all stemmed from my military travels, but once you get the taste for it, there is just no stopping it.
I still have that urge to go and see more of the world, but my father has given me strict instructions to assume my obligations as a nobleman in due course. I know that your role is of course more restrictive, but to an extent, I can definitely sympathise with you.”
Andrea had not thought about it in that way, but James was just as trapped as she was. He was fighting off his own urges for adventure, though he had already seen more than she could ever even dream of.
“I do not think ill of you for wanting more, Andrea,” James continued, and his words were exactly what she had been wanting to hear.“But I want you to know it would not be me who is the restrictor, it is simply our stations. Our roles dictate to us that we cannot be the people we want to be, we have titles and duties to uphold, and whilst that is not exactly fair, it is what we were born to do.”
“I know.” She sighed, letting her shoulders sag because she was deflated.“But I just wish there was something else we could do.”
Running away was an option she had often thought long and hard about. Going on their own adventures with just a small pack of supplies and their feelings for one another appealed to her greatly. But Andrea knew there was no hope in wishing for such a thing.They both had responsibilities to fulfil at home.
“I…” James turned suddenly, his face twisting into an expression of anger, one she had never seen on him before.“What are you doing? You are listening to us?”
“I was not!”
It was Cecil. Andrea turned to see that Lily was trailing much farther behind, a sour look on her face as she shook her head. Confusion was an understatement as Andrea tried to make sense of what the man was doing.
“Go. I brought you along because I thought this would be nice for you, but clearly my efforts were in vain,” James said as he pointed back towards the route that would lead Cecil to the main building of the grounds.
“James, it is all right,” Andrea tried to say from his side, but James quickly shook her off.
“Go,” he said again, not bothering to look in Andrea’s direction.
They waited and watched as Cecil put his hands in his pockets and strolled back the way they had come. He did not look at Lily as he passed her and she did not look at him either, though she hesitated on the path for a moment. Andrea nodded that she could still come along on their walk since she knew how to properly chaperone a couple.
“I do apologise for him,” James said, finally turning back to look at her.
“It is quite all right, I am sure he meant no harm.”
“He turned up the other afternoon completely unannounced,”James continued.“He was an old friend in the military, but this week I have been reminded of why I left him in the past.”
Andrea chuckled at his words.
“I often remember all of the young girls of noble birth that I would be forced to play with as a child,” Andrea said, the memory not a nice one.“I remember my mother saying how important it would be to have friends in the nobility. But all of them were brats, and I would hate having to feign friendship with them. Tolerance is certainly something that is learned from a young age, perhaps you should just have to be more tolerant with him?”
“Perhaps,” James chuckled.“Though I think I have been patient enough over the years of putting up with him. I thought I had done my penance in having to speak with Cecil, but no, now he is staying with me for two weeks.”
Andrea continued to laugh as James continued to apologise a few more times for the nosiness of his friend. She did not mind, but she wished it had not broken through the deep conversation they had been having.
