Page 37 of A Maid's Fateful Courtship
Chapter 29
Josephine had a sweet dream, but she had had a night of restless sleep, and it had caused her to wake with a heavy head.Why am I doing this to myself? Yet she could not undo what had been done. Unable to deny her love for Ethan, what was she to do?
Clambering out of her bed she could see through the high attic window that it was still dark outside. Thankful that she had not overslept, she washed in the cold water from the jug. That tender kiss Ethan had given her, would not leave her mind, even though it had been near on scandalous.
She turned to take the dark dress that hung in the wardrobe, and slipped into it. As she tidied up the dull fabric with her hands, she was reminded that the dress identified her as the housekeeper of Sarandale Manor, and not a lady.
"Yes," she sighed with a heavy heart. "I am only a servant, and you, Ethan, are a lord."
With her long, strawberry blonde hair neatly pinned up, she pinched her cheeks to put some colour into her face. The stresses of life weighed heavy on her shoulders, and it was starting to show in her skin. Gone was the healthy lustre of the outdoors now that she was a full-time housekeeper. Her role in life had left her with a pale pallor and dull hair.
“Ah well, ” she said to herself, looking into the small mirror she had inherited from Doreen. “There is to be no gentleman in your life Josephine Chappie, or lords for that matter.”
As she stared at her dull dress it reminded her of Doreen, and it dawned on her that the old housekeeper had never married.
“Is that our lot, Doreen? I only hope you are happier than I have found myself to be,” she said as if her old friend could hear her words. She hoped the old housekeeper was enjoying the sea air, as well as long sleep-ins on a morning.
As housekeeper, she would be up before most of the upstairs housemaids. Her next task would be to go knocking on their doors to wake them up, too. Then, straight into the dining room.
There, she would check with Ronald that the serving of breakfast for the marquess' family was well organised. She would find out how many of her maids he would need for the task, should any of the stewards not be available.
As she bustled through the manor house hallways and corridors, she had only two things on her mind: Ethan and their secret kiss. It had been everything she ever dreamed it would be, but it had left her with a terrible sense of guilt.
How could I betray the marquess in such a wicked way? What a fool I have been.
Arriving in the noisy kitchen, she took a seat at the servants' table. There, she ate a light breakfast before all her maids arrived for theirs. Then she would leave them to enjoy their breakfasts too. Her next stop was to the linen cupboard to organise the clean bedsheets and blankets for the morning tasks.
Making her way up the servant’s stairs, she could barely concentrate on the day’s tasks.
The marquess was kind enough to take me in. He fed and clothed me, as well as providing me with a lady's education, and this is how I repay him.
Her thoughts were conflicting as she battled them out in her mind.Should I have allowed the dance to happen in the first place?The right thing to do would have been to leave the hall the moment she became aware of Ethan's presence. Instead, her wilful behaviour had lured him onto the dancefloor. There, she had twisted his intentions to her own needs, had not she?
I should not have encouraged you as I did. How could I have done that to you, Ethan?
If the marquess was ever to find out how she had bewitched his heir, he would be appalled at her behaviour.
All that you have done for me. And look what how I repay you? I steal your son from under your nose. I am so sorry, Lord Ellsworth-
Her dire thoughts caused her to gasp, and her hands went quickly to her mouth. It was lucky that she had reached the linen cupboard, and she stood staring at the walls as she leaned on the open door.
I am indebted to Lord Ellsworth for his kindness. Why am I treating him with such disrespect?
Attempting to inspect the remaining linens, she counted them out for each of the family bedchambers. The guest beds would be stripped of covers, and not remade. She would instruct the maids to leave the top eiderdown on the beds, to cover the top of the mattress.
“Pull yourself together, woman!” she chastised herself between gritted teeth.
But it had been so very perfect, the voice in her head argued, for she knew she would have accepted that kiss at any cost. His rough, shaven skin had pressed against her cheek afterward. His arms had wrapped around her waist as he pulled her towards himself and held her so close. She knew that she would not have changed a thing, even though it was wrong of her to act that way.
“So why do I feel so unwholesome?” She sighed, but she knew the real reason behind her discord. "He is a lord, Josephine, and you are a servant."
Leaning back on the door once again, she fought back a tear. From what she could remember, she had loved her parents as a child. But without the marquess to save her, she would likely have ended up in a workhouse or an asylum, at the young age of six years old.
You were my saviour, and this is how I repay you—
There and then, she knew what she should do. She must stop all her dreaming and distance herself from Ethan. He had most likely felt obliged to follow through with her fancies from some childhood obligation. It was up to her to stop leading him astray and let him get on with his life as a lord.
A servant and a lord? It would never be allowed. I must be strong and let you go.
