Page 74 of A Dreamy Match Made in Heaven
Lady Cranford darted a look at the housekeeper who was pretending to be engaged in her book, although both knew that she was observing them and hanging on every word.
“Officer Gregory, I do believe that is something which ought to be discussed with my mother and father first,” she said.
“Please, just hear me out. What I must tell you, first of all, is that I think you are a wonderful, charming young woman. I have greatly enjoyed the time we have spent getting to know one another. You have shown me what a kind, genial young woman you are. There is every reason that a man might wish to be paired with you,” he said.
Lady Cranford looked at him with an eye of understanding, as if she knew where this conversation might be going now.
“But I have to confess to you that, although I have tried with every effort, I do not believe that we are a match. Although I had set aside an affection that I had for another, I know that my heart still belongs to her.
“I do not tell you this to hurt you. Or to say that you do not compare to her. In truth, I do not imagine that she shall ever wish to be with me. But I do know that it is unfair of me to lead you into a marriage when I do not love you,” Thomas said, his honesty bleeding out painfully.
Lady Cranford sucked in a bit of air.
“This is how you feel?” she asked.
“I am afraid so. And while I do not wish to hurt you in any way, I respect you too much to force you into a loveless marriage for my own convenience. While I do not mind a marriage without love, it seems entirely unfair to lead you into it believing that we are meant to be with one another when I cannot say that my heart belongs to you,” he said.
She looked down for a moment, and Thomas wondered if Lady Cranford was going to cry or yell or simply remain silent. There were all manner of possibilities and he couldn’t quite fathom which she would choose in her reaction.
“I understand if you cannot forgive me for allowing things to continue this long before I decided to tell you how I am truly feeling. It was never my intention to wound you,” he said.
“I know. Of course I know,” she replied.
Something in her voice let him know that she really did understand. And while Thomas knew that she still might be angry or upset with him, he was glad that at least she was accepting it.
But then Lady Cranford did something he had never anticipated. She looked up and met his eyes, a grin on her face.
“I know because, although my heart belongs to none, I agree that we are not meant to be together. I think very highly of you, Officer Gregory. Truly, I do. You are a good man and the sort that any woman ought to be fortunate to find in a husband. But I do not believe that we are meant to be together,” she said.
Thomas found himself overwhelmed with relief. He had never expected that she would feel so similarly to him. Knowing that she did not love him was far from a slight. Rather, it was a great burden removed.
“I was terribly frightened to tell you,” Lady Cranford confessed, making Thomas laugh.
“As was I. I cannot tell you how I lost sleep, knowing that I had to give you my confession. I care a great deal for you and did not want to be a source of pain for you. But alas, this has come about to be far better than I might have imagined,” he said.
“And for me as well. I really worried that I would hurt you deeply if I told you that I did not love you. And you are such a kind man that I really wanted to. I knew that I considered you a dear friend and thought that perhaps I could live my life with such a marriage. After all, I have never been in love,” she said.
“Do not settle for anything less than love, Lady Cranford. That is one of the few things that I have learned in my life. One cannot settle for less than love,” he said.
“I shall take your advice,” she promised.
Thomas was far more relieved than he had ever expected to be at the end of the conversation. Although he had been looking forward to getting the talk over with and ending the courtship entirely, he had not imagined that it would go this well or that Lady Cranford had felt the same all along.
“I thought that perhaps your affections were genuine,” she told him sheepishly.
“And I thought the same of yours,” he confessed.
“It appears that we were both deceiving ourselves and one another,” she laughed.
“Yes, it would seem so. And I never wished to deceive you. I only did not want to hurt you,” Thomas said.
“Oh I understand completely. I felt exactly the same. I wanted to be the sort of woman you could depend on. And I wish that I had managed to bring you joy. But we are simply not for one another,” she acknowledged.
“I think that is exactly it,” he said.
Lady Cranford laughed, appearing just as relieved as he was. Thomas started to think of what an excellent pair they made, that they could both have been having the same thoughts all this time. They each had wanted to spare the other, only coming to realise it was merely the cruelest option for an inevitable end.
“Did you believe that I was here to propose?” Thomas asked.
