Page 50 of A Dreamy Match Made in Heaven
“I cannot think that is true. Not with what you have told me. If you are still pining for him, which I daresay it appears that you are, perhaps he feels the same. Maybe the same hurt that you carry, he is carrying,” she suggested.
“Perhaps, but I find it unlikely. Thomas is stronger than I. He is a brave man and far greater. I ought to have rejected the Earl outright. I ought to have ended things with him, no matter how difficult it might have been,” Sophia said.
“It would have been terribly difficult,” Adrianna added with kindness.
“Yes, but then Thomas would not have abandoned me. It is my own fault. And I cannot think that anything will change that.”
Chapter 20
“Lady Hastings,” the maid called as Sophia made her way through the hall. She had just returned from a trip into town with Adrianna and Lady Faversham. Sophia wanted to put her new ribbons away and make herself ready for lunch in the dining room.
“Yes?” she replied, stopping and turning to the maid.
“A letter came for you. It was placed in your room. Please let me know if a reply needs to be sent and I shall take it for you,” she said, giving a gentle curtsey as she departed.
Sophia nodded and moved forward, wondering who might have written to her. Was it her mother requesting an update on any possible matches? Sophia would hardly know how to reply to something like that.
In fact, for the vast majority of the day, she had been thinking about the fact that she needed to write to her mother. It was certainly time to send an update of sorts, but she knew not what could be said. After all she had no real news, and certainly nothing that was positive.
She could scarcely tell her mother about Thomas and the strange fact that he had been the one matched to her. It seemed entirely ridiculous even now, and Sophia wondered if her mother would understand. Would she listen to all of the reasons not to continue the match? Or would she push for it simply in an effort to see her daughter married off?
Of course, the letter could just as easily be from Miss Wainwright, scolding her for not being friendlier to Thomas. As another woman who knew nothing of the history between the two, she couldn’t possibly understand the distance that lingered.
Sophia had been waiting and expecting that for quite some time from the Matchmaker. Each moment that she felt forced near to Thomas, she wondered if Miss Wainwright was going to yell at her for not being more responsive. And yet, there was nothing that Sophia wished to say or do.
She wanted to push him away.
When she reached her room, Sophia was surprised to see that the papers on her bed had been sent by none other than Thomas himself.
There was a piece of her that did not wish to open them. She was still bitter and angry from the day before at the gardens, and she wished to punish him by refusing and ignoring anything he might have written to her. It would serve him right for having treated her so shabbily.
And if she bowed to his words, if he made some plea for her, she might not have the strength of will to resist him. She might fall back into his arms easily and without protecting herself from further heartache.
Yes, there were a great number of reasons she knew she ought to avoid his words and ignore Thomas.
And yet, Sophia knew that she was not as strong-willed as that. She could hardly resist reading what it was that he had to say to her.
With that, she unfolded the pages and began to read them.
Dearest Sophia,
I wish to write to you in order to explain myself and the behaviours which you have seen in the previous few days from me. I believe that of all things, you deserve that.
First, I must tell you that I had never expected of all the women in this world to see you again. It was a shock that Miss Wainwright should pair us together. I had not known that you were a client of hers. Please, understand that this was never my intention.
As you know, our history with one another is rather complex. As seen by our interaction in the gardens, much still exists between us. And I cannot say that it is easy.
I should like to begin by apologising to you for my actions. It was not right. I was not the sort of man that I should like to be. In fact, I fear that you saw me at my worst. And that is something you have likely seen before.
We have known each other for such a long time that our feelings for one another have twisted and grown in various directions. But none of that makes a difference. Because ultimately, you are a woman that I shall never forget.
For the things that I said in the Gardens, I deeply apologise. I am sorry for having hurt you. I am sorry for the way that I spoke and the blame which I placed upon you.
I imagine that just as I have seen between my friend and yours, you have noted that they are quite a match. Watching them together, seeing how they cared for one another and the love that is beginning to develop between them, I was reminded of our past.
This sort of new love that develops between two people is exquisite and joyous. That is something that we wanted. It is something that I should very much like to have again.
But I know that it is too late for us. I know that despite my words and blame, I am partially the cause.
