Page 43 of A Dreamy Match Made in Heaven
As they walked through the flowers, Thomas could deny it no longer. He needed a moment to compose himself.
Wondering how he might go about it, how he could get a bit of privacy without the drama of showing his emotions, Thomas began to cough.
He increased the severity of it, eliciting the concerns of the ladies.
“Forgive me,” he said through it. “I believe I breathed in something, pollen or an insect. I must go find water,” he said, excusing himself and running off from them before anyone had a moment to comment.
Continuing the false veneer of his coughing fit until he reached an area more private, Thomas finally found a spot where he could stand against an ivy covered wall and simply breathe.
The smell of the flowers around him was a refreshing change from the tense air that had been weighing on him as he walked with the three women. Sophia was clearly not going to give him any level of grace, despite the fact that he had been the wronged party between the two of them. Instead she was choosing to shun him, to punish him for some perceived slight when all he had ever wanted was to be her husband.
It was unbelievable that Sophia should accuse him like this. Did she really not know or understand how hard he had tried to ensure that they could be together? Did she really have the gall to deny that he had made his interests evident to her?
He closed his eyes for a moment, allowing his heart to slow. The rhythmic beating of it was faster than he wanted. It reminded him of how easily moved he was by Sophia and the ways that she could still affect him when it was the last thing that he cared for her to have power over.
With each breath that he inhaled, Thomas tried to smell the air and focus on the sound of the gentle breeze around him. It was so different from the rain that had fallen just days before, but that had left the earth almost new.
It was a newness that he wanted. A fresh start. A day that could begin without the pangs of the past and the drama that it had caused.
He longed for something different than the situations he recurrently found himself in.
Clenching his eyes closed tighter, Thomas enjoyed just the briefest final moment of peace.
But when he opened them again he saw Officer Kingsley in the distance, walking with Lady Alcott. And there was something about the two of them together that caused his heart to squeeze all over again.
Sophia’s friend was certainly beautiful, but he knew that there must be something more than her beauty that would draw his friend into having an interest in her. With all of his talk, it was clear that he was overcome by something about the young woman.
They glanced shyly at each other, something Thomas had never seen Officer Kingsley do. After all, he was a brash, bold man. He had few manners that were appropriate in the company of women. So whatever it was about this young lady that had him intrigued, it must have been something rather special.
He could not hear what they were discussing, but both were well engaged in the discussion. There was no falsehood between them or societal niceties. It was true and genuine care for the topic at hand. Both eagerly spoke and hand gestures abounded, revealing a passion for expressing their views to one another.
And with the soft smiles that showed on each of their faces, Thomas knew. This was the beginning of true love. This was the face of a love that Kingsley had claimed never to want.
Thomas had seen that smile upon Sophia’s face once upon a time. And he knew that he had carried it upon his own as well. They had loved one another in the deepest ways possible, caring for each other as if the rest of the world did not exist.
How had things gone so off course? How had everything changed in such a rapid way? With all of his plans to propose to her, everything was ripped away by a sudden instep from a traitor.
And yet Sophia seemed far more disturbed by the betrayal she had perceived by Thomas than the true abandonment that had come from the Earl of Bastion. She had been more wounded by the silent affections of youth than two years of a grand display of romance.
He had come in order to tell her how he felt about it all, to scold her for having left him, and to share his disappointment in how things had turned out. But instead, Thomas was finding himself caught up in the same feelings that he had felt for years. His love for Sophia was as real now as it ever had been.
The recognition of that was somewhat distressing. He hadn’t wanted to admit it, and it was difficult to acknowledge that his love for her was as strong as it ever had been. Sophia was still in his heart.
She was still the one woman that he longed for and that he wished he could be with. She was still the most beautiful creature his eyes had ever beheld and he knew that beneath that beauty, she was still the sweet, tender-hearted woman he had fallen in love with.
And while it was evident that much had changed in her, he knew that deep down the remnants of those qualities could easily resurface.
Her harshness was a response to a broken heart. Her weakness was the result of having been beaten down by a society that loved to push the blame of a man onto the woman who ought to have corrected him.
It was unreasonable, but that was England. And that was surely what must have led Sophia towards this new version of herself that was both weak and harsh, rather than the sweet romantic she had been before.
Thomas wanted her to be restored to her former self. But he imagined that with a bit of kindness, even the woman that she had become could still be quite magnificent. She would still be a woman that he could love until death.
He looked back at Officer Kingsley and Lady Alcott, wondering where their love might lead. Wondering if he would ever have something so sweet as the beginnings of this appeared to be.
He could not be jealous. True, his friend had claimed not to want a marriage or a match of any kind, but it was hardly reason to resent him. Thomas was happy for him. He felt certain that this was the very thing that Officer Kingsley would never admit that he had wanted for all his life.
No, seeing the two of them together only softened his heart. It only drew him closer into the hopes that he would one day have the same happiness. It led him to hopes that one day, perhaps he would see that look restored to Sophia’s face and he could enjoy watching her thrive in her own happiness and love as she had long ago.
