Page 18 of A Dreamy Match Made in Heaven
He had been a man who loved to amuse others. He could make them laugh with stories or impressions or a rightly-timed sentence. But after his heart had been broken and he found himself back in the midst of war, a good deal of that had gone from him.
He was entirely unsure if he would ever find that again. And if he could not, would he ever be able to keep a woman happy? Would he be too dark, too brooding, too dour for any eligible women?
“Have you any further excuses which we must address?” his friend asked.
“A host of them. Are you ready to help me talk through them or are you simply going to continue mocking me?” Thomas asked.
“I should like to hear them before I make a decision in that regard,” he laughed.
Thomas rolled his eyes and finally forced himself to sit.
“I have only just departed the military. I have come back to London and should like to get myself settled. I am more concerned about getting my work off the ground, and arranging it all with my father,” he began.
“Does it not seem wise that I prepare a home for my wife before I find her? If I am able to work hard and achieve what my father has, I should be able to give her a wonderful life. And I should like to do that early in our marriage.
“If I find a wife now, before I have made any sort of a living, much less a fortune, what have I to offer her? Very little. And I wish to provide well for the woman that I am going to marry,” he said.
“And that all sound very reasonable for a man who enjoys responsibility. But I also have seen how you long for marriage. The way you speak of Lady Sophia shows the depth of your desire to be wed,” Officer Kingsley replied.
“Yes. For Sophia. But loving Sophia and wishing to marry her as I once did, long ago, is not the same as wishing to marry just any woman that a matchmaker is able to pair me with,” he explained.
“You are being too picky. And you can stop pretending that you don’t still long to be with her. I know you well enough to see that you are simply trying to cover for the fact that you still love her and want to be her husband.
“But that is the very reason you must do this. It is not only to be married. It is to be able to move on from her. You should not be bound by a woman that you loved once upon a time. She is not yours anymore,” he added.
Thomas knew that his friend was right, to an extent. Lady Sophia was not his. But this argument was growing old. Officer Kingsley would not understand. He could not. He had never truly been in love.
So Thomas decided to simply move forward with what they had planned and he would handle the struggle of it later. He would be angry at himself once all of this was over with.
And he would do all he could to push past the thought that he absolutely must find a wife. After all, there was still a chance that he would not.
Making the effort and going to the appointment was wise, he figured. But if nothing came of it, he would not be angry. He would simply choose to move on.
“Are you going to cancel your appointment?” Officer Kingsley asked.
Thomas turned to face him and set his jaw in determination.
“No. I shall go,” he promised.
“Good. Then you had best be on your way. Her card said she did not approve of lateness, and you might get lost because my cousin told me that her home is on a small road,” he explained.
“So it is difficult to find?” Thomas asked.
“I don’t know, I’ve never been there,” Kingsley reminded him. “I am only telling you what I was told. Anyway, I have plans this afternoon and evening, but I wish you well. When I return, I should like to hear everything,” he said, standing to leave.
Thomas stood as well, knowing that it was his turn to follow.
They made their way down the stairs together but said their goodbyes on the street as they were going in opposite directions.
Thomas felt like a fool, wandering on his own to find the home of a matchmaker. But he would have felt more foolish if he had allowed anyone to come along with him.
The day was bright and warm, making him a little hot in his coattails. He had planned to walk to the Matchmaker’s home as he had been told it was not too far from the inn he had been staying at.
But it did seem as though she might be difficult to find, so he simply continued, frightened that he might be late if he tried to stop and find a coach to take him.
He had always been a stubborn man, unwilling to admit when he was lost. And yet, a few turns away, he found himself again and knew where he was headed.
And before he knew it he was very close, turning onto the small road where the townhouses lined up awaiting their visitors.
