Page 16 of A Dreamy Match Made in Heaven
It was the fact that she had been rejected by the one she loved, and upon settling for another, faced the same fate.
She had been through too much. Her heart could take no more. But Sophia shook it away. She knew that she could no longer dwell in the pain that she had experienced.
She had not loved the Earl of Bastion. But when he had expressed an interest in her, she had to accept it. No one could ever reject an Earl. She knew that and so did her mother and father. It had seemed her only option was to press forward and allow him to proceed with the courtship.
Through that, she had convinced herself that she loved him. After all, if she had not, she might never have been willing to agree to a match that all knew to be smart. It had taken her two years to come to terms with loving him, with making the choice to love him even if she did not feel it.
And she should have known that something was wrong when the Earl made no effort at all to persuade her into an Earlier engagement. He had not even suggested it, but rather allowed her slowness to be an excuse. It was something for which they were both responsible.
But the one she had loved, the man that her heart often still longed for, she had lost. Sophia had told herself it had been a mere childhood infatuation. It had been the easiest explanation for her to accept. No matter whether or not she believed it. The thought of it having been more, having been love? That was far too painful to accept.
But when he had abandoned her, that had been the most painful moment of her life. It had been far worse than this recent rejection.
The desire that Sophia had felt to marry him had been the most powerful force in her world. Yes, she had truly believed that she loved him. She had not ever convinced herself fully that it was that mere infatuation.
But she had had little choice in the matter. When the Earl had expressed an interest in her, she knew that her duty was to elevate her family’s social status. And in accepting the courtship of a man of his stature, she was able to do just that.
It had been when the man she loved had seemed to abandon her that Sophia had little choice other than to accept the proposal of the Earl. She had been pushed into his arms. And for that, she would accept no responsibility.
Sophia sniffed and took a deep breath. She wiped her final tear from her cheek and gave herself a final glance in the mirror. Pinching her cheeks, gently, she let them redden as the rest of her face paled from the relief after the crying.
She was as ready as she could possibly be. In a few moments, her friend would come and finish her hair. After that, the day had been decided.
She would meet the Matchmaker.
Before long, Adrianna showed up in the room. She looked splendid herself, and was evidently excited for the opportunity to go into town and interact with such a fancy woman as Miss Wainwright.
“I think she will hardly give me a second glance if you should appear looking so wonderful. You would be far easier to match than I,” Sophia noted.
“Don’t be such a fool. You look tremendous. And I know that she is going to love you. Now, what shall we do with this hair?” Adrianna asked, trying to figure out the best arrangement. She tried a few different options, but finally landed on one that suited Sophia quite well.
They finished it up quickly and got her into the gown that she would wear. It was a pale shade of green, both innocent and exquisite. Sophia felt that it balanced the specialness of the occasion without being overdone, and that had been the goal she thought herself incapable of reaching.
But once more, Adrianna had come through in helping her make these decisions.
“I believe you are ready,” Adrianna announced.
“Really? Am I presentable enough for her?” Sophia asked.
Adrianna leaned in close, looking very serious and concerned.
“My friend, before we leave, allow me to remind you of something. It is not just that you were brave enough to do this and all those other things I keep telling you,” she began.
“Rather, what I wish is for you to remember is the confidence you had before the Earl left you. I know that even then you were emotional and romantic and often lost in doing what others told you.
“But you knew yourself and you were not always frightened of what others might think. I wish that you could return to that. I wish that you could live with the peace that you had then,” Adrianna told her.
Sophia listened to those words and drew strength from them. It was true. She had become a weak and whimpering thing since the Earl had left, and that had never been the sort of woman she was prior to all of this.
All of the flaws she had always had, like her tendency towards herself and being overwhelmed, had been magnified in her thoughts. She had grown to think and to believe that these must have been part of the reason she was constantly abandoned by the men for whom she showed affection.
But none of that was true, and she was better off bearing that in mind.
It was her sadness and insecurity from the loss of her engagement that had led her to behaving this way.
She was stronger than this. She was braver. And Sophia would stand firm in remembering who she had been before she was rejected. Those were the qualities that had made her once upon a time. It was long before the months of seclusion she had recently been living in, but it was a version of herself that she still remembered.
“I can see that such a simple reminder alone was enough to cause you to stand a little bit straighter. That is good. Remember it. You are nothing if not yourself, and I wish to see you prove to Miss Wainwright that she made the right decision in making an appointment with you,” Adrianna declared.
