Page 73 of The Precious Secret of a Loving Governess
“The love that you have for my daughter means everything to me,” the Earl said, his eyes misting over. “Well, perhaps not everything…”
Victoria was still for a moment. She was beginning to understand just how deep the Earl was in his feelings, and the very fact that there was so much she still did not understand about all of this.
And while she had asked him how it all had come to pass, a very important question still remained behind closed lips that finally opened to speak it aloud.
“Why?”
Chapter 34
“You wish to know why?” Reginald asked, smiling to himself this time more than to her. He was lost in a dreamland at that moment, thinking back to all the steps that had led him here.
“Lady Ingles confessed to me the love that she had for another. But I had not yet admitted to her that I, too, was a man who felt deeply for another. And when she left that day, having told me the truth, I had much to think about in terms of how to deal with the matter,” he began.
“But what really solidified my decision was when you came that evening to tell me of your resignation,” he said.
Victoria was quiet at this and Reginald tried to read her. He saw that there was some other emotion underneath it all, something she was trying to hide from him. Perhaps it was shame or regret. But it didn’t really matter. He would be able to put her mind at ease in only a moment.
“I should hope that you have not forgotten how that conversation came to an end,” he said, recalling clearly how she had looked when she made her pronouncement.
Miss Jamison blushed at the reminder and it made her appear lovelier than ever.
“You told me that I must know how you feel about me. And those words were all it took for my mind to begin spinning out of control and formulating a plan. Because you were right. I knew that my feelings were not exclusive. I sensed that there was something between us,” he told her, gripping her hands gently but tighter.
A shy smile came over her face, unbidden as an admittance that the feelings truly were mutual between them. Reginald felt like a fool for having tried to keep his own feelings at bay for all this time.
“Before that night, I dared not to hope or believe that you might care for me as I cared for you. I worried that you might think me a terrible man if I should begin to show you how my affections were towards you,” he confessed.
“And certainly, then, I could not have admitted them because I was betrothed to another,” Reginald added.
Miss Jamison nodded. “No matter how I would have loved to have heard the words, I would have thought less of you,” she giggled.
Seeing her joy begin to creep out, seeing how she was finally allowing herself to begin believing his words, Reginald was growing happier by the moment.
“Yes, well, I had no other choice but to visit Lady Ingles once I knew that you cared for me as I cared for you. I had to tell her that she was not the only one who loved another. I had to confess to her that I did not love her and that was a difficult thing to say as I did not wish to hurt her,” he confessed.
Reginald thought back to how hard that moment had been. Even knowing that she did not love him either, it had been a terrible moment to tell his betrothed that he did not feel for her what a husband ought to and that he had no desire to be her husband.
“Well, I did. I admitted that I felt no love towards her and that I did not believe we could make one another happy. These were all thoughts I had been having since early in the engagement, but I had settled for the fact that I needed to wed and that was the only part that mattered,” he said.
“But that was before I met you and all of these other facts followed.
“So bearing those things in mind, I gave her a choice,” he said, letting that hang in the air for a moment as he recounted the memory.
“What sort of choice?” Miss Jamison asked, desperate to know.
“I told her that if she wished it, I would still marry her. I had made a commitment and I was not going to back out of it lightly. I would remain a faithful husband if that was what she preferred. I would make every effort to treat her lovingly, even if it was not the sort of love that one should feel for their spouse. And I promised that I would remain her dear friend for life,” Reginald explained.
Miss Jamison nodded and her lips turned into a frown once more, as if wondering if this had been the decision made. But he had already told her that Lady Ingles and Mr. Smith were married, so he felt confident that her sadness would be brief.
“Miss Jamison, I gave her another choice as well. I told her that she could dissolve our agreement if she preferred that. I gave my guarantee that I would take every measure necessary to ensure that her reputation remained intact. We would take the necessary steps to avoid scandal,” he said.
“But how?” Miss Jamison asked, knowing how difficult it was to avoid scandal in society.
“I told her that I would even take the blame upon myself if necessary. But I think that will not happen. Lady Ingles is…” he tried to search for the right word.
“Dynamic,” Miss Jamison laughed. “That is the word everyone uses to describe her and I believe it is rather an accurate one.”
He laughed with her.
