Page 62 of The Precious Secret of a Loving Governess
Giving Miss Franklin a final squeeze of the hand, Victoria smiled at the friend that she would be leaving behind.
With that, Victoria returned to the estate and made her way to her room once more. While there, she wrote a letter that she might be able to give to the Earl that would explain her decision without sharing the many secrets she now possessed, from Lady Ingles to her own affections. Even if she had to read it to him directly, it was the only choice.
She had decided to leave. Victoria could no longer remain in the house and could no longer pretend that she was anything other than a woman in love.
Having to consistently return to the estate and be faced with the Earl, and be faced with the prospect of seeing his fiancée, was far too great of a challenge for her. It was a situation in which she could no longer settle.
Yes, she would have to leave urgently. The longer she remained, the more difficult it would be. And that was a senseless endeavor to concede to.
Immediately upon completion of the letter, Victoria made her way down the stairs and knocked on the parlour door.
The Earl was alone. This was a great relief to her, but it would not make things any easier. His eyes found hers and he looked as though he had something important to say. But Victoria knew that her words were necessary and needed to be said as quickly as possible.
“My lord, forgive my intrusion, but I must speak with you urgently,” she began.
The Earl closed his mouth to his own words and nodded at her to proceed; his eyebrows knitted together in worry.
“I have written down what it is that I must say to you as I do not think that I could word it so well if I spoke from my own mouth in the moment that the words must be said. So I ask that you would bear with me as I read,” she requested.
With a nod of approval, she continued, her voice shaking as she began.
“My lord, I must tell you that my time has come to conclude these days in which I have worked for your household as a governess. I understand that this might come as a shock as there was very little in the way of warning and I have so enjoyed my time with your daughter.
“However, I must ask that you accept my resignation as there is very little that I might do to prevent my leaving. A number of situations have arisen that I can no longer ignore and I am aware that for my own health, it is vital that I depart from my post,” she read.
Victoria had hoped that the sentence regarding her health might not only explain her quick departure earlier, but also give him reason to think that she had physical limitations rather than emotional.
It seemed silly, but it was the only thing she could think to write in the moment when she had been given so little time to think about it all.
“As much as I have enjoyed acting as a governess to Miss Marian, I cannot continue further. I do not take this position or my departure from it, lightly. However, it must be done.
“I thank you for all of the hospitality that I have experienced while living under your estate and I must insist that you know how glad I am to have known you and Miss Marian. I wish you all the very best as you enter into your new marriage and as Miss Marian gains a mother in her life,” Victoria read, feeling her chest tighten at the words which were meant to be supportive.
There was an agony within her as she spoke them, a pain that she could hardly bear. But she knew that it still had to be said. She had to remain the sort of woman who encouraged her employer to the very end.
“I commit to you that I shall remain until a new governess has been secured. I shall write to a few young women that I know who might be seeking. They are women who would make excellent governesses for Miss Marian, and I can search for others if none of them are looking to secure employment.
“I hope that all of this shall be agreeable to you, but please understand that if it is not, I have no choice in the matter. This was never the way in which I wished to leave your estate, but I must go.
“Thank you, once more, for all of the kindness that you have shown me,” she concluded.
With that, Victoria folded up the letter and held it delicately in her crossed hands.
The thought of finding another governess was a pain of its own. How was she to find another woman who could love Marian as she had? How could she leave the child to feel abandoned once more?
The Earl’s mouth hung open in despair. He seemed utterly speechless and Victoria tried to blink back her own emotion at seeing his distress. But there was nothing more to be done. She had made her decision and had announced it. There was no turning back now.
“Please,” he breathed, as if unable to get out another word. It was quiet as he seemed to attempt to gather his bearings, unable to comment further until his breath caught up to him.
“My lord?” she asked, as if unsure what his ‘please’ meant. Victoria had decided she would remain strong. She could be vague and act as though she simply thought this was how to leave a position when an urgent situation arose.
The Earl did not need to know anything further about her reasons. She had shared enough in the letter to make it appear as though something sudden had come up, perhaps with her health. Of course, she might have added a lie about her family, but he would be able to see through that rather simply.
“Please do not leave,” he said, still appearing at a loss.
The softness of his tone broke Victoria’s heart for a moment. She wished that she could hear his voice again. She wished that she could hear joy in it. But it seemed as though what she had done, what she had said, was truly wounding him.
And that left her with both a taste of sadness and the cruel dagger of hope that he might wish for her to remain in the home. But that was a hope that she could not abide.
